Nessun Dorma alla Corona

Nessun Dorma alla Corona – I’m not a big fan of opera but I love these covid presentations. This is another excellent one.

Poetry – I’ll buy a gun

I’ll buy a gun


There’s a virus threatening me

And my family –

I know!

I’ll buy a gun!


The government’s a threat

I can’t forget –

I know!

I’ll buy a gun!


Gun stores are essential businesses!

The salesmen are key workers

Everyone needs to be armed!

If someone comes for me or my mrs,

One of them no-good shirkers,

I know I won’t be harmed!


I need full protection!

I need to feel secure!

If someone breaks into my place

They’ll certainly get the cure!

A bullet in the head.

A blast to the guts.

That’ll keep us secure and safe

No ifs or buts!


There’s a virus threatening me

And my family –

I know!

I’ll buy a gun!



Opher – 22.5.2020

The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump

Image may contain: 1 person, possible text that says 'All new biglier edition includes seventeen 'recently discovered' poems The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump Createdby Rob Sears STRICTLY UNAUTHORISED'

I never understood wind.
You know, I know
windmills very much.
I have studied it
better than anybody
else. It’s very expensive.
They are made in China
and Germany mostly.
—Very few made here, almost none,
but they are manufactured, tremendous
—if you are into this—
tremendous fumes. Gases are
spewing into the atmosphere. You know
we have a world

So the world
is tiny
compared to the universe.
So tremendous, tremendous
amount of fumes and everything.
You talk about
the carbon footprint
— fumes are spewing into the air.
Right? Spewing.
Whether it’s in China,
Germany, it’s going into the air.
It’s our air
their air
everything — right?

A windmill will kill many bald eagles.
After a certain number
they make you turn the windmill off.
That is true.
—By the way
they make you turn it off.
And yet, if you killed one
they put you in jail.
That is OK.

You want to see a bird graveyard?
You just go.
Take a look.
A bird graveyard.
Go under a windmill someday,
you’ll see
more birds
than you’ve ever seen
in your life.

~ D. Trump

Now that Boris Johnson has made it clear! Got it!

Subject: Got it!

I think I’ve worked it out…

* 4 year olds can go to school but university students who have paid for their tuition and the accommodation that they aren’t living in, can’t go back to university.

* I can go to school with many 4 year olds that I’m not related to but can’t see one 4 year old that I am related to.

* I can sit in a park, but not today or Tuesday but by Wednesday that’ll be fine.

* I can meet one person from another household for a chat or to sunbathe but not two people so if I know two people  from another household I have to pick my favourite. Hopefully, I’m also their favourite person from my household or this could be awkward. But possibly I’m not. In fact, thinking about it, I definitely wouldn’t be. But as I can’t go closer than 2m to the one I choose anyway so you wouldn’t think having the other one sat next to them would matter – unless two people would restrict my eyeline too much and prevent me from being alert.

* I can work all day with my colleagues but I can’t sit in their garden for a chat after work.

* I can now do unlimited exercise when quite frankly just doing an hour a day felt like I was some kind of fitness guru. I can think of lots of things that I would like to be unlimited but exercise definitely isn’t one of them.

* I can drive to other destinations although which destinations is unclear. I was supposed to be in Brighton this weekend. Can I drive there? It’s hundreds of miles away but no one has said that’s wrong.

* The buses are still running past my house but I shouldn’t get on one. We should just let empty buses drive around so bus drivers aren’t doing nothing.

* It will soon be time to quarantine people coming into the country by air… but not yet. It’s too soon. And not ever if you’re coming from France because… well, I don’t do know why, actually. Because the French version of coronavirus wouldn’t come to the UK maybe.

* Our youngest children go back to school first because… they are notoriously good at not touching things they shouldn’t, maintain personal space at all times and never randomly lick you.

* We are somewhere in between 3.5 and 4.5 on a five point scale where 5 is all of the virus and 1 is none of the virus but 2,3 and 4 can be anything you’d like it to be really. Some of the virus? A bit of the virus? Just enough virus to see off those over 70s who were told to self isolate but now we’ve realised that they’ve done that a bit too well  despite us offloading coronavirus patients into care homes and now we are claiming that was never said in the first place, even though it’s in writing in the stay at home guidance.

* The slogan isn’t stay at home any more.So we don’t have to say at home. Except we do. Unless we can’t. In which case we should go out. But there will be fines if we break the rules. So don’t do that.

Don’t forget…

Stay alert… which Robert Jenrick has explained actually means Stay home as much as possible. Obviously.

Control the virus. Well, I can’t even control my dogs and I can actually see them. Plus I know a bit about dogs and very little about controlling viruses.

Save lives. Always preferable to not saving lives, I’d say, so I’ll try my best with that one, although hopefully I don’t need telling to do that. I know I’m bragging now but not NOT saving lives is something I do every day.

So there you are.  If you’re the weirdo wanting unlimited exercise then enjoy. But not until Wednesday. Obviously.

PS When can Year 7 go back to school? Not even asking for a friend!