This must surely be the rant to end all rants! A few expletives thrown in!
Pie ‘Art of the deal’ – opher.goodwin@gmail.com – Gmail
Would you let your daughter anywhere near this creep?
The 10 Commandments of Donald Trump to be displayed in all schools and public buildings!
- You shall worship me, Donald Trump, and everything I say
- You shall buy gold effigies of me, MAGA caps and all manner of MAGA merchandise
- You shall not tolerate any criticism of me in any way. That is fake news
- All days are henceforth to be known as Holy Trump days
- You should follow the underhand business practices of my father (and me)
- You should accept that I can get away with murder if I want. I will execute all on Death Row immediately.
- You should know that sleeping with porn stars, grabbing pussy, fornicating where-ever possible, befriending Epstein and attending sex parties, is not adultery.
- You shall steal whenever possible, through shady business deals, tax evasion, donations from the poor, and backhanders. For that is the purpose of life.
- You shall call all people who oppose you rude names (like crooked Hilary, Sleepy Joe), lie about them, make up stories, and generally be as untruthful and rude as possible in order to gain votes and impress the gullible.
- Your greed should exceed everyone’s. Your mantra should be ‘I WANT MORE!!’ ‘I WANT EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT!!’.
Donald Trump Joke
On the night of his inauguration, Trump is visited by three ghosts.
Early in the night, FDR appears. When Trump asks him how he can make America great, FDR replies “Think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets.” Trump’s face sours, and he yells “FAKE NEWS!”
A few hours later, he is awakened by George Washington’s ghost. Trump asks “how can I make America great again?” Washington replies “I would suggest you never tell a lie”, which infuriates Trump.
Around three in the morning, he is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Again, he asks “how can I make America great again?”. Lincoln responds, “go to the theatre.”
I enjoyed that. Thanks Quora!
Chaos, Butterflies, Planes and Walls – A short story for 9/11
Chaos, Butterflies, Planes and Walls
‘BUILD THAT WALL!! BUILD THAT WALL!!! BUILD THAT WALL!!’ The chant echoed around the stadium as Donald Trump, strutting and preening, basked in the hysteria he had created and gloated. He had it in the can.
***
‘Damn CIA,’ I thought as I sweltered in the lousy Ford Taurus, a heap of junk that should have been scrapped years ago. ‘It’ll blend in,’ they’d told me. ‘Blend in! It was so battered it stood out!’
37 degrees and the damn air-con didn’t work! I had to have the windows shut so I could safely watch them. My shirt was sticking to my back. The fan was on full but made no difference – just blasted hot air in my face.
Mohamed Atta, Marwan al-Shehhi and Ziad Jarrah were loading luggage into the hire car – a top of the range Buick. I bet the air-con worked in that mother! There’s no justice.
We’d had intel that Al Qaeda were planning a big one. The air was full of Bin Laden and his crew. They were up to something. Nobody knew what. Although they were not high on the list, there were bigger fish, my job was to find out.
As usual there was no money. We were spread thin. The Feds had shunted me over to CIA. I was it – the entire operation.
I’d read up on what we had – a whole bunch of these guys had been trained in Afghanistan but nobody knew what they were planning. Their activity was being monitored but in a cursory manner.
These three had flown in from Germany, where the cell was based. We’d given the luggage the once over, no sign of explosives, no clue as to what they were up to. A mystery. All nineteen jihadists were being loosely watched. A motley bunch mainly recruited from Saudi with odd ones from the Lebanon, Egypt and the UAE. Seemed to me that the top guys didn’t take them too seriously, just one of many threats.
My brief was to tail them and see where they were going, find out what they were planning, probably nothing – no way of knowing.
Fucking Florida! Hot as hell and muggy with it!
They looked like young kids. I met their flight and followed them to the car park – no problem. They headed out through town towards the freeway and I slid in behind, a couple of cars back, travelling fast.
A relief to be moving. I wound the window down to get some air!
A large butterfly was whipped into my face, flapped right into my eyes. Instinctively I swatted at it. The car veered and with a shriek of tyres I was up on the sidewalk. By the time I backed out and got going again there was no sign of them. They’d disappeared.
***
When American Airlines Flight 11 struck the North Tower at 8.46 a.m. on the 11th September 2001 the world changed.
Poetry – Denial of Truth is a Cancer
Denial of Truth is a cancer
Denial of truth is a cancer
Destroying democracy.
A vile scourge from the mouth of a liar
Dividing a land once free.
You choose what to believe
From the ones who deceive.
It’s all a political choice;
The truth a mere victim
Of those with the loudest voice.
The use of fake news
Now flavours your views.
You don’t believe your own eyes
You’d rather believe lies.
So get on your knees and rejoice!
The denial of truth is a cancer
The belief of a self-serving chancer,
A twisting of history,
Fascism no mystery,
Now a thing of the left.
We now live in a world built of lies,
Hating those we despise;
The truth a victim of theft.
The world – one great conspiracy
All a question of belief;
A gigantic hoax.
Hitler was a socialist
The earth is really flat
Truth nothing more than what it evokes.
We’d rather believe
What our neighbours believe
Than trouble ourselves with the truth.
So covid’s a lie
There’s no climate change
It’s a commie trick
Donald has all the proof!
The Whitehouse is run by lizards.
We’ve got to drain the swamp.
Though he’s scuttled with one point six billion
To keep him in his pomp,
We know he’ll make America great,
We wear the hat with pride!
When it comes to the final reckoning
He knows we’re on his side!
We don’t believe our own eyes.
We don’t agree with what we see.
We would rather believe the lies.
So America descends into a nightmare.
Osama Bin Laden won!
He tore apart the fabric;
The destruction has only begun!
The Taliban are laughing
As they drive the Americans out.
Their truth lies in a medieval book
Of that there is no doubt!
The truth is now a cancer!
Eating humanity.
All from the mouth of a chancer
Destroying democracy.
Opher – 14.8.2021
I wrote this after listening to a Jonathan Pie tirade. Trump has created a monster that is destroying the fabric of society, undermining truth, demeaning science and experts and throwing America back into an age of darkness and superstition.
They’d rather believe in a fake story than see what is happening before their eyes. So the election was stolen, the storming of the Capitol a commie plot, 9/11 was set up by the CIA and Democrats eat babies.
Trump has opened Pandora’s box in order to plunder for his own ends. Now the stupid are spouting his lies. The evil has been let loose.
Poetry – Donald Trump’s Strange Brain
Donald Trump’s Strange Brain
Well the scientists held a conference and everybody came
There were Innuits from Alaska and Sufi’s from Bahrain
Doctors from the States and neurosurgeons from Ukraine
They’d all come together to discuss Donald Trump’s strange brain.
Some focussed on the medulla others on the cerebral region
Searching through the notes and x-rays for anomalies and lesion
Analysing his every word and deed for signs of some cohesion
They all were in agreement that the irregularities were legion.
There were psychologists from Greece and Austria, birds of a feather
Biochemists from Zimbabwe, even a UFO chaser named Trevor
Surgeons from Brazil and Ecuador all embarked on this endeavour
Studying the evidence in ways most deep, varied and clever
The psychologists all oohed and aahed as they studied his behaviour
You could hear them all muttering that he thought he was the saviour
According to the consensus things could not get much crazier
If he chose to warm his bum by sitting on a red hot brazier
They brought their microscopes, scanners, computers and pens
Scribbled many notes and squabbled like excited clucking hens
Exchanging all their stories with hows and whys and whens
Making their diagnosis with this and that and thens
After many days of examination Chris Rock brought them to a halt
He wanted to summarise their observations and their thought
To determine what diseases President Trump just might have caught
To see if remedies could be applied in this, their last resort.
‘Tell me you great scientists but try to keep it brief.
What have you discovered that is lurking underneath
That flapping yellow toupee that is causing us such grief
Tell me bold scientists what is your profound belief?
An eminent neurosurgeon rose to receive their great acclaim
As the spokeswoman of the whole group – the one with the most fame
She gathered up her notes and prepared to lay the blame
From her august demeanour you could see she was no lame dame
She weighed up all her words and spoke most eloquently
‘I have gathered up the conclusions from you and him and me.’
Looked at it from every angle and found we all agree
A normal brain has a hundred billion cells but we only counted three!’
Opher 8.9.2018
I woke up in the night with a Randy Newman song floating round my head and it gave me this bit of fun.
In these days with tales coming out concerning the strange, erratic and childish behaviour of the leader of the Western World, of rear-guard actions by his staff to prevent insane decisions damaging to America and the world being carried out, of damage limitation and despair, I thought his mind might need examining.
I imagined a symposium of all the world’s great scientists brought together to address the issue.
Chris Rock seemed the obvious choice to host it. This poem is what came out.
Poetry – The Ballad of Donald Trump
The Ballad of Donald Trump
My name is Donald Trump
My friends they call me Don.
I was born into privilege
And taught the art of con.
My father was a millionaire
Rich on government grants.
He practised racist policies
But led me a merry dance.
I tried to be a businessman
My Dad had to bail me out.
I went bust so often.
I didn’t have the clout.
But I am quite a playboy.
I am a ladies man.
I sure do like to party
Of pussy, I’m a fan.
I became a TV star
With arrogance and show.
I found the people loved me
It made my ego grow.
I loved the fame,
It all felt so good
I thought I could do anything.
I really believed I could.
I thought I’d stand for office.
For the publicity.
The thought of the adulation
Buzzed with electricity.
I thought out my tactics
To pander to the right.
To promise them everything
And keep my focus tight.
I had nothing to lose
I did not have a chance.
So I could be outrageous
And scare them out their pants.
I tweeted day and night
About immigrants and drugs,
About some ‘Deep State’
And all the leftist thugs.
.
I labelled Hilary crooked
And told them I’d build a wall.
I talked about the ‘Deep State’
And had them all in thrall.
I told them I’d make us great again
And that guns were good.
That Jesus Christ was coming
And I was Robin Hood.
Now I am the President
They love me to bits,
And I love the power
Over all those little shits.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
It’s all off the cuff.
I make it up as I go along
It’s been good enough.
We don’t believe in experts
We think the world is flat.
All that matters are the bucks
You can’t argue with that.
So I gave the rich the tax cuts
And gave the poor a tad.
Played the racist card
Just like my good old Dad.
I can feel the people turning.
They’re seeing through my lies.
They know I am defeated
They can read it in my eyes.
My name is Donal Trump
I want to continue this good run.
If I lose at the ballot box
I still might make it with the gun.
Opher – 11.10.2020
The Trump guide to Economic Success – and the downside.
Creating short-term economic success is easy:
- Give big tax cuts to the wealthy so that they have more money to invest.
- Remove the environmental legislation so that they can pollute and do not have to waste money cleaning up their act.
- Remove environmental and planning restrictions so that they can build where they like, mine, log and dump without thought for nature or people.
- Remove health and safety regulations so that workers can work faster and cheaper.
- Deunionise and remove labour laws so that wages can be lower and working conditions worse, thus increasing profits.
The economy will grow.
There will be more jobs.
The wealthy will make a lot more money.
The Downside:
The economic miracle has large downsides – all of these appear further down the line
- The wealthy use tax loopholes to avoid paying their taxes and take their money abroad to invest in higher yields and tax havens.
- The water, soil and air are polluted creating a massive health problem – allergies, asthma, cancers.
- Nature is destroyed.
- The landscape is ravaged by mining, logging, fracking and factories. It looks ugly.
- The climate and weather are affected.
- Thousands die or are injured at work through unsafe work practice.
- People find themselves on zero-hours contracts, working all hours for peanuts.
- The inequality worsens. We have a bunch of the superrich and the rest of us languish in increasing poverty.
- Crime worsens.
- We have ghettos in cities and huge unemployment.
- It costs a fortune to clear up the mess that is created by the slackening of environmental and planning laws and relaxing of health and safety.
- We have a lot of early deaths and poor health.
The Trump economic miracle is a short-term plan to make rich people a lot richer at the expense of everyone else and nature.
It’s a recipe for disaster.
George Floyd – What a ‘real’ President should do!
The riots are the result of a terrible murder in which a black life was held to be cheap.
The riots are the result of decades of political ineptitude and the continuing loss of black lives.
The riots are the result of centuries of institutionalised racism and prejudice.
A ‘real’ President would sympathise with George Floyd’s family and friends and reassure them that change will happen, his death won’t be in vain.
A ‘real’ President would ensure that George Floyd received justice and all the perpetrators of his death would be brought to court.
A ‘real’ President would reassure everyone that their peaceful protests were noted and would result in change.
A ‘real’ President would condemn the minority who are violent.
A ‘real’ President would press for legislation to counter the racism and prejudice that is rampant in America.
A ‘real’ President would press for a an overhaul of the police to ensure that things like this did not happen again.
A ‘real’ President would not stir up hatred and division but would try to calm things down.
It’s a shame that America doesn’t have a ‘real’ President!