I wrote this antinovel as a flow of consciousness. It was a spotlight into the convoluted internal world of a mind. All life and death. Everything. This represents a position on a map, fixed in time. Nothing more.
Excerpt – 53 and imploding:
I love those Neolithic mounds, shrouded in mystery.
I believe that if we were able to build a mound based on these sorts of things it would be a truly happy fulfilled mound.
It’s just a list but it’s what I build my life on. I don’t have to think about it, plan it out, or strive towards it; it comes naturally to me. I don’t have to form a sect, join a cult or follow anybody, believe in the divine or the mystical – I merely stand back and look around me.
I am the watcher.
I used to believe in spirituality but that’s been replaced by a sense of wonder and mystery. I try not to hold it against anyone but I don’t want it shoved down my throat or imposed on everybody. I am angered by the blatant indoctrination of children. If you believe it then accept that it’s a personal thing – write it in a book, talk to anyone who enquires but shut the fuck up when you’re on my doorstep, in my schools or running my mound! Keep your fucking endorphin rushes for your own junky heaven leave me to my own dope!
I don’t believe in violence or retribution even though I feel them strongly enough within myself. I often want to kill the people who are carrying out the barbarous acts and not one of them has killed one of mine! I can’t imagine. I am infuriated constantly by cruelty and selfish greed. I am infuriated. WHY WHY WHY!!!! There has to be a better way. Hurting doesn’t make you happy. But it seems to for a lot of people. We love pain!
I repress my anger because I have no wish to be consumed by hatred. I have no wish to become violent.
I hate religion. Religion is probably equal with nationalism as the joint most evil inventions of mankind. Sure it would be nice to have a purpose in life. But a special, personal relationship with God – the chosen ones, the true believers, the spawn of the deities – come the fuck on! Hasn’t history, littered with dead religions, chosen ones fallen by the wayside, decapitated statues of gods, taught us anything? Religion is made by people for power.
It makes me laugh when I hear the twats talking about the mighty Allah giving them victory, God wills it, and all that ridiculous shit. You don’t hear them asking why God hates them when someone else bombs the fuck out of them and they lose. You don’t hear the ones in the mine say ‘why me?’ – ‘Were my prayers not good enough?’
Ha.
I love friends, conflicts and argument but I feel the need to be alone a lot of the time.
I’m 53 and have discovered that age brings some perspective but not necessarily any greater clarity. The complexities you discover cloud the certainties you used to hold dear.
Every second ticks. Every step is closer to the final step.
Margaret Thatcher broke Britain. Here’s what she ded:
She wasted our North Sea oil bonanza to bring down the unions. Money that could have been spent on our schools, NHS and infrastructure; that could have made us all prosperous.
She sold off all our Utilities to foreign investors – steel, railways, airways, airports and aerospace; and, of the utilities, gas, electricity, telecoms, and water.
Just think of the enormity of this!
We now own nothing and are paying more for everything. She sold it off at knock-down prices for short-term gain. The money goes out of the country to foreign investors.
She sold off ourcouncil housing stock – creating the current housing crisis.
She deregulated the banks – leading to the economic crash that was then blamed on Labour.
She broke the Unions – leading to poorer pay and worse working conditions for tens of millions.
Any one of these was a disaster. She sold our wealth and literally broke the country. They love her because her short-term policies gained them power. The long-term legacy is one of decline and poverty.
When the people vote for a convicted felon, an inveterate liar, an uneducated fool, a narcissistic sociopath, a conspiracy spreader, a fascist dictator and a greedy conman we know that it is the people who are killing the country.
Buffy St Marie – My Country Tis of Thy People You’re Dying
This is when the people elect representatives. The elected representatives look at an issue, research the details, discuss the effects of implementing it and vote to make it a law or not.
Totalitarianism
This is when an authoritarian dictator simply writes executive orders.
Democracy is like we have in Western countries. Totalitarian fascism is like they have in Russia, China and North Korea.
Billionaires got to where they are through exploitation, not hard work. Isn’t it obvious? No matter how hard you work you cannot earn enough to become a billionaire.
Billionaires get their money from underpaying their workers and overcharging their products. They scam off the hard work of others.
In order to rise to the top they need to be hardnosed and impervious to the repercussions of decisions (the broken people they leave in their wake). The only thing that matters to them is hard cash. This is why people with sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies rise to the top. They either don’t care about the people they hurt or actively enjoy hurting people (the more the better). Narcissists have no doubt that they are inherently superior and more worthy than everybody else. Unlike us they are not beset with doubt.
A majority of politicians, world leaders and CEOs are clinically psychopathic or sociopathic.
Trump displays all the symptoms of a narcissistic sociopath.
