Vladimir Putin in order to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people. At the end of the talk there is a section for questions. Little Sasha puts her hand up and says, “I have two questions. Why did the Russians take Crimea and why are we sending troops to the Ukraine?” Putin says, “Good questions”. But just as he is about to answer the bell goes and the kids go to lunch. When they come back, they sit down and there is room for some more questions.
Another girl, Misha, puts her hand up and says “I have four questions. Why did the Russians invade Crimea, why are we sending troops to the Ukraine, why did the bell go 20 minutes early and where now is Sasha?”
Ian Botham appointed UK trade ambassador to Australia
Former England cricketer and crossbench peer will ‘bat for business down under’, says Liz TrussIan Botham, who is popular with Boris Johnson because of his strong support for Brexit, was given a peerage last summer.
Ian Botham, the former England cricketer and crossbench peer, has been appointed a UK trade ambassador to Australia, the government has announced.
In a tweet welcoming the appointment, the international trade secretary, Liz Truss, said Botham would “bat for business down under” and help firms seize the opportunities created by the free trade deal with Australia agreed in outline this summer.
In his occasional columns for the Telegraph, Lord Botham rages against woke culture, the BBC and those who seek to stop people shooting animals. He wrote that his role in the Lords is to “stand up for ordinary rural folk like me”.
He’s certainly not afraid to stand up and be counted, and this may be a valuable quality in a negotiator, but, as trade envoy, Lord Botham will require tact, diplomacy and a good deal of personal charm, and to be something more than a charismatic Everyman with a propensity for naysaying.
Former Australian PM Tony Abbott confirmed as UK trade adviser
Critics say Abbott’s views on women and homosexuality and the climate crisis make him unfit for role
Boris Johnson has appointed Tony Abbott as an official UK trade adviser, defying widespread condemnation of the former Australian prime minister’s record of misogyny and homophobia and his views on the climate emergency. Following news of the appointment, Emily Thornberry, the shadow international trade secretary, said: “First, his history of offensive statements is so long and repetitive that it speaks to serious defects in his character, which is not one I think should be representing Britain on the world stage.
“And second, the fact that he has no experience of detailed trade negotiations, no understanding of Brexit, no belief in climate change, no concern for workers’ rights, and no compunction about killing off Australia’s car industry mean, to my mind, that he has no credentials for this role.
Ah, I recall the bad old days under the thumb of the EU tyranny when you were on the motorway and an army truck passed and the kids went “Where’s the army truck going Daddy?” and you didn’t know. But now thanks to Brexit you can say “Tesco!”
A friend has 2 tickets in a corporate box for the England v Italy game on Sunday. He paid £3000 each, but he didn’t realise when he bought them months ago that it was going to be the same day as his wedding! If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place…It’s at Nottingham Registry Office, at 4pm. Her name is Sharon — she’s 5’4″, about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook
Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, Pope Francis and a ten-year-old schoolgirl are on a plane that is going down. There are only four parachutes.
Johnson declares, “Britain can’t survive Brexit without me,” and grabs one and jumps.
The Pope declares, “More than a billion Catholics need me,” and grabs one and jumps.
Trump declares, “I know more about our defences than the generals, I know more about the pandemic than the doctors, I’m the smartest person in the world and my country needs me.” He grabs the nearest pack and jumps.
Merkel looks at the young girl and says, “You take the last one, you have a whole life ahead of you.”
The girl replies, “It’s OK, there’s two parachutes left, the smartest man in the world took my backpack.”
Donald Trump addressed a major gathering of the American Indian Nation.
He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living. Though vague in detail, he spoke about his ideas for helping his “red sisters and brothers.”
Afterwards, the Tribes presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, “Walking Eagle” which he proudly accepted.
After Trump left, a news reporter asked the chiefs how they came to select this name. They explained that “Walking Eagle”
is the name given to a bird so full of shit that it can no longer fly.
