Opher’s in depth analysis of the budget and Tory policy

The bastards!!

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The Defence Review

I was extremely heartened to know that we have had a multimillion pound defence review. It is great that this government has sourced this review out to a private company and they, after much expenditure and investigation, have come up with some detailed findings that the government plans on implementing. After all we wouldn’t trust the government or civil servants to do that, would we?

This makes me feel a lot safer. Now I can sleep easy knowing that we are in safe hands.

The three major findings were:

  1. We have threats from inside the state and we have threats from outside the state. Presumably that means we do not have to waste any resources or make contingency planning for extraterrestrial invasions.
  2. We have to cover terrorism, cyber attacks and aggression from other states such as Russia. Wow! That takes some absorbing. Mr Cameron explained they were going to have to put back some of the cuts they made last time.
  3. We need to spend £41 billion on four nuclear ships. Presumably we would still have to ask permission from the USA if we ever wanted to use them? They did not say in the report.

It left me pondering.

I thought we were broke. We don’t have money for doctors, nurses, police, teachers or social workers. We can only afford low pay, zero hours contracts and temporary posts. We are cutting benefits from the poorest in the country.

So where is this huge sum of money coming from? Apart from the £41 billion they were a little unclear on how many more billion the rest was going to cost. Are we talking £60 billion? That would buy quite a few teachers and nurses! Where could they get such a large sum?

Are they proposing to claw it back from the bankers who last year received their big tax cuts so their bonuses do not suffer as much?

Perhaps instead of fleecing the poor they are going to use them as target practice and kill two birds with one stone?

Phew. I’m so glad I don’t have to make these difficult decisions It must worry David dreadfully. But anyway, it is good to know that the millions spent on the review was not money wasted. We have a detailed report to tell us what needs doing. I’m sure they’ll find the tens of billions somewhere.

I think the report suggested they sell off a bit of land. That should do it!