satire

It’s bloody freezing!! The temperature must be minus 700 or thereabout. The house is freezing. Outside is freezing. The electric fire has icicles!!

Why the hell did my ancestors move out of Africa? It can’t surely just be because of the spiders, can it? Some of the hairy house spiders we’ve had in our place probably eat tarantulas for a snack!!

The wood for our woodburner arrived today. I had to go and load it all into the wood store. It snowed on me!! I thought that was ridiculous. It’s much too cold for snow!!

This is absurd. Global warming is messing with the weather. A few days ago it was seventeen degrees!! That’s a drop in temperature of 717 degrees!!

I’ve stayed in reading and drinking coffee. Off to see some friends shortly.

Meanwhile, outside in Coronaland, the proof has emerged that Boris Johnson lied and broke the rules. I know! Must be a shock for everyone. Him of all people!! Shock Horror!!

Here we go – the emails:

Seems that Theresa left the place like a pigstye (you’d have thought that was how all Tories live and Johnson would have been right at home – but no). and Carrie couldn’t bear it. It required  £112,549 to make it liveable! Many people would give anything for  £112,549. It would buy them a house!!

So Johnson knew where the money was coming from, lied about it and promised to give Brownlow the great exhibition he wanted. Quid pro quo. In this case many quid.

We officially have a lying Prime Minister who takes bribes. But that’s alright isn’t it?

I was interested to see that most people thought that all MPs were the same. That actually isn’t true. The vast bulk of the huge earnings from second jobs and lobbying is squarely with the Tories.

The fact is that bribes and favours is the way Johnson runs government. Want a knighthood? Just sign the cheque!

Mind you, there were two things that I might just agree with Johnson on. Firstly that all this antivaxxer conspiracy nonsense is mumbo jumbo (particularly in respect to the fact that 40% of the people critically ill are unvaccinated – and them making up a small percentage of people). Secondly, the idea of rewilding and looking after nature. I’d like to read the small print on that though just to make sure it isn’t a Tory ploy to give sums of our money to rich Tory landowners for doing fuck all.

So, yesterday, there were another 194,747 new cases with 334 more deaths and the epicentre moved to the North West. Only fair to share it around.

Hospital admissions are zooming up with 24 NHS Trusts declaring critical status. (Although a Tory minister said this morning that there is absolutely no problem with the NHS. To say so is a leftie plot. The Tories have ploughed £45 trillion into the NHS only last week and put in place another 4 million doctors and a 100 billion nurses. Likewise with carers. There are now 700 carers for every elderly person in the UK.)

There are currently 50 MPs at home with covid restrictions. But hey, who needs ’em? This government has treated parliament with utter disdain. They do what they like, break laws and rules whenever they like.

I had to laugh when I read that we were lifting all travel restrictions. Well, we would, wouldn’t we? We’ve probably got more covid than anywhere else!! People coming into the country could only make things better!!

Is this a way of blaming jolly foreigners again??? Are we going to carp on about them not allowing us Brits in??

Of course they shouldn’t!! We’re all riddled with Covid!! Brits should carry around bells and shout unclean at the top of their voices.

It’s OK. Everything’s normal!! Carry on!!

Stay safe!!

The sun was shining in Yorkshire, the sky was blue and it is still unseasonably warm, though a stiff Westerly breeze made it feel a bit colder than it was.

Today I’ve been doing some reading!! Yes reading!! Now that I’ve completed the edit of my Beefheart book I have a little time to read and a backlog of books!!

I’ve also been sorting my room out. Going through old paperwork. Finding stuff I’d forgotten I had. Strange to work through the detritus of life, the debris that accumulates through the years.

Meanwhile, out in Coronaland, our resident clown is a frightened wounded beast. The arrows are sticking out his back – there’s a big Peppa Pig one, a huge ERG one, a giant negative popularity poll one, a nasty sleaze one, a big wallpaper one, a massive one that says liar, a second salary one, a gigantic cronyism one, a Christmas parties one, one for entitlement, one for arrogance, one for blithering, one for incompetence, one for lack of leadership, one for being a shambling wreck, one for messing up Brexit, a javelin for ‘One rule for them; another for us’, one for being racist, one for being inept, one for not delivering, one for tax rises, one for National Insurance rises, one from the fishermen, one from the farmers, one from Northern Ireland, Several for lobbying and other crass incomes, one for revolving doors, one for being invisible, one for breaking laws, a whole load for promises not delivered, a bunch for silly media soundbites that come to nothing, a few for ‘levelling up’, one for failing to lead, a couple for being a clown, others for a variety of gaffes and a big spear for being a complete tosser.

Our clown is looking like a porcupine. Straight off his zipline to become a complete joke. 69% now think he’s a wanker. Amazingly 31% think he’s alright. Lol. Goes to show that the country has a lot of very stupid people.

I watch with gleeful interest as the Nasty Party recede in the polls and observe the repugnant Tories waking up to the fact that they are no longer fooling the public; that their popularity is falling through the floor; that they might no longer have all that power and wealth coming their way!! The profiteering conmen are falling from grace.

We all know what they do in those circumstances: like a pack of cowardly syphilitic hyenas they turn and rip each other to bits. Cameron and Osborne jumped ship to multimillion-pound futures to avoid the sort of thing that happened to Thatcher, Major, IDS, May and others. They were all unceremoniously knifed!!

Ha Ha. Great entertainment. I look forward to the evisceration of this clown. When they are of no use they are callously ejected. It’s the Tory way!!

So yesterday there were another 137,583 new cases with 73 more deaths.

There are predictions that 25% of the public sector will be off due to Covid. That’ll ravage Health and Education – but so what?

In the last week there’s been a 43% increase in new cases and a 50% increase in death – but hey – no big deal!!

Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are all introducing stringent measures – but, you know, we English are all convivial!!

In schools, the kids are wearing masks. There are plans to merge classes and have unqualified people looking after them. Childminding is back!!

The Omicron looks to be milder but the sheer numbers are creating the strain!!

Johnson the gambler doesn’t give a toss! The big wave is coming. You can bet that the Tory profiteers are stashing their loot safely offshore in the Cayman Islands. Everything is hunky-dory!!

Stay Safe!! We’ve been abandoned! Do what makes sense!!

It’s still cold and wet here in Yorkshire so I set about carpentry!! I never was much good at carpentry but I’m getting better. It’s all about attention to detail and being precise. I think that in the past I’ve tended to rush things! So, I’m building another set of shelves for CDs. I’ve bought the wood, the screws and brackets. What can possibly go wrong??

We’ll see.

Meanwhile, out in Coronaland I’m watching with some glee as the Tory Party descend into the cesspit of their own making. Johnson’s personal ratings are dire! That’s what happens when you’re a celebrity and you are found to be a lying rat. Boris is now synonymous with sleaze and lies. Makes me laugh when I hear them chanting in the world darts championship – ‘STAND UP IF YOU HATE BORIS’. They are even chanting in football stadia ‘Boris is a C**T!’

That’s some turnaround. These are the people who elected him; who thought he was a funny guy. They now think he’s a lying sleazebag. Rightly so. He is.

Of course, as we’ve seen throughout his time, Johnson is nowhere to be seen. He’s keeping his head down in the hopes that it will all blow over. It has in the past. I’m not sure it will this time though. I think his bubble has burst. People have seen through him – empty promises, loudmouth crap, slogans and headlines – no substance, no idea.

I wonder if he gave Carrie an injection or two to induce labour so he had an excuse to keep out of the limelight?? Ha Ha!! Wouldn’t surprise me. He’d do anything to cling on to power.

He certainly isn’t a leader. We don’t see him out there setting examples, leading from the front. It’s all bluster and soundbites. A party-loving, vacuous nincompoop. He can’t speak without an autocue – a bumbling fool – Peppa Pig’s got more about her!!

He thinks that by tousling his hair he can appeal to the Labour voters and be down with the people. He’s just a twat. When you see him with other world leaders he looks like a shambling wreck with as much clout and decorum as a scarecrow washed adrift in a sewage farm.

The whole world is either laughing or aghast. They see the decline of a once important country. He symbolises decay. This is what we have become – from Churchill (The scum that he was) to Worzel Gummidge.

Like Trump and Bolsonaro, I think the world has had enough of these populist, extreme right-wing twats. It’s time we went back to some compassion and care and sorted problems out instead of creating them.

Above all we want fairness and competence.

With Johnson, Trump, Bolsonaro and the rest, we get a diet of nonstop lies, fake news, conspiracy, division and incompetence.

According to these twats there is no global warming, no environmental catastrophe, scientists and experts are useless and covid is a conspiracy.

I think that if there is one thing that has come out of all this it’s that science and experts know what they are doing and Johnson and Trump haven’t got a clue!!

So, yesterday there were 119,789 new cases (though the official site says a lot less) with 147 more deaths. Another record!! The real figure could be a lot higher as many people are not testing and a lot are asymptomatic.

Should we be worried??

I’m not. Being triple vaccinated should give me immunity.

This is the highest it’s ever been but never-the-less I’m beginning to see a glimmer of hope. We could be out of this soon.

We have new antiviral pills appearing. We have new vaccines that are effective against all variants. The Omicron variant looks, from early analysis, as if it’s 50% less nasty. It spreads quick but doesn’t make you as ill.

If the Omicron provides immunity for other variants we could be in a game-changer.

However, in the short-term we still might have a crisis – a tiny percentage of a very large number is still a lot of people. The NHS could still be in trouble.

Time will tell.

Stay safe!! We might be allowed out to play soon!!