A rock music memoir – In Search of Captain Beefheart Hardcover/Paperback/Kindle

Intro

The sixties raged. I was young, crazy, full of hormones and wanting to snatch life by the balls. There was a life out there for the grabbing and it had to be wrestled into submission. There was a society full of boring amoral crap and a life to be had in the face of the mind-numbing vision of slow death on offer.

Rock music vented all that passion.

This book is a memoir of a life spent immersed in Rock Music. I was born in 1949 and so lived through the whole gamut of Rock.

Rock music formed the background to momentous world events – the Civil Rights Movement, Vietnam War, Iraq war, Watergate, the miners’ strike and Thatcher years, CND, the Green Movement, Mao and the Cultural Revolution, Women’s Liberation and the Cold War.

I see this as the Rock Era.

I was immersed in Rock music. It was fused into my personality. It informed me, transformed me and inspired me. My heroes were musicians. I am who I am because of them.

Without Rock Music I would not have the same sensibilities, optimism or ideals. They woke me up!

This tells that story.

In Search of Captain Beefheart: Amazon.co.uk: Goodwin, Opher: 9798346131236: Books

Extract – 53 and imploding Kindle/Paperback

How can you be happy with so many little nations all spending their wealth on defence and obsequious religion instead of solving problems, limiting population and living in peace and harmony with each other and the environment?

            You can create and not destroy you know? You could be part of the solution.

            You don’t even notice me sitting on my bench watching you. I am small, scruffy and insignificant. Do not worry I am no threat. I merely watch and wonder.

            I can’t help but wonder.

            How can you be happy when it could all be so different? When we could limit our numbers, clean up our act, leave enough natural environment for the rest of the planets depleted life and build societies more tolerant and equal? When we could look around us, appreciate the simple things and be sensitive, pleasant, helpful beings leading creative lives, harnessing science and technology for the good of all life and protecting our delicate planet? You could look in wonder, paint, dance, sing, write and do a million things.

            `Life could be idyllic.

            We could have a future as well as a past. We could have exulted seconds.

53 and imploding eBook : goodwin, opher: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

53 and imploding Kindle/Paperback

I called this an anti-novel. It’s a semi-autobiographical rant that I wrote twenty-two years ago (where does the time go). A curmudgeonly old fart (me) is sitting in his study writing, having a mid-life crisis and seriously looking at the state of his life and the world around him. It’s a dark insight into a state of mind and the ridiculous mess we have made of things. I wrote it as a stream of consciousness. The ideas flowed. I summoned up the spirit of Kerouac and Henry Miller (if not the skill). It’s not like anything else. I enjoyed writing it and, here, twenty-two years later, I’m enjoying visiting with my old self.

It’s available on Amazon if you want to visit with my younger self. I was an angry man. Believe it or not – I am a happy optimist!

Extract from 53 and imploding

How can you be happy when a moronic footballer’s salary is hundreds of thousands a week? Stupid, selfish, greedy Rock Stars, actors and actresses earn millions while elsewhere babies lie bloated for want of a bowl of rice? A millionaire buys a trip on a spaceship while a whole nation festers in their own excrement?

            How can you be happy when you’re sitting there gloating, smug, arrogant, superior and pampered, thinking that your wealth, power, beliefs, abilities, intelligence, make you superior?

Don’t you realise that you’re just a rich, wealthy, arrogant, empty fool whose whole life is built on greed and is utterly, destructively hollow? You are burning your seconds. You are no better or worse than the green slime on my pond, except the green slime performs a worthwhile function. It produces oxygen. You selfishly exist to make your vain self feel important. Are you cultured? – Knowledgeable and superior?

Pah!

I sit on the bench and you all rush to the shops without thinking about the state of affairs around you.

            How can you be happy living in this pointless little existence?

            How can you be happy putting you £2 sop into Oxfam when government policy necessitates the starving of millions of third world children for the good of our economy? Don’t you realise that the G7 could eradicate poverty and inequality if they really wanted? But then that might mean you can only afford three tellies and one car, mightn’t it? You might not want that!

53 and imploding eBook : goodwin, opher: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

All Right!

All Right!

All right! Alright!

                I’ve been better!

All right! Alright!

                Water’s wetter!

Shazam!

                Magic word!

Sesame!

                Phoenix bird!

All life in a sunset.

All dreams in the night.

All possibility

In the spectrum of twilight.

Opher – 15.12.2014

I always find that an open fire or the glow of a sunset release the mind so that it can wander free. That’s magic.

It opens doors into thoughts and renews the spirit.

Fires and sunsets heal.

Your mind can wander through memories and thoughts, drift effortlessly, at peace.

That glow is magic.

The life of a writer.

Firstly, you have to have lived a life full of experiences. That’s the grist for the mill. You have to know and have lived what you write about.

I only write about the things I love.

Next, you have to have an imagination that enables you to think up plots, story-lines, characters, settings and stories. You need a wealth of pressing ideas. I’ve always had so many thoughts buzzing round my head that I don’t need a net to catch them; I just need the time and energy to write them down. They generate the obsessive enthusiasm.

Thirdly, you have to have an ability to string words into interesting patterns. That is not merely grammar, spelling and mechanics; it’s a magic that causes words to come together in a synergetic pattern that illuminates wonder. Some call it style. It comes out of nowhere. A lifetime of writing. Some just have it. Others have to work for decades and put in thousands of hours before it comes together.

Fourthly, you need to be obstinate and able to endure the tedium and exhaustion, to become a completer finisher. A book can take a couple of thousand hours of work. You work alone, late into the night, and press on even when all the enthusiasm has dissipated. Then you start editing.

Fifthly, you have to have a thick skin to put up with the indifference, knock-backs, petty nit-picking and rude put-downs.

I have written some hundred and twenty books. I dread to think the number of hours. Fortunately I enjoy writing more than reading. It’s been worthwhile. The cost has been the time not spent with friends, family and other pursuits.

That’s the life of a writer.

Allow me to introduce myself….

I was introduced into the suburbs of post-war London in 1949. My father a returning dispatch rider stationed in Naples, my mother worked in the War Office in Churchill’s bunker.

As a child I ran free in the countryside, in the midst of nature, with pet crows, snakes, guinea pigs, rabbits, mice and rats. As a sun-bronzed hyperactive ragamuffin I spent my life up trees, building camps, in ditches and ponds and hunting lizards. Idyllic and free.

As a pre-teenager I discovered rock ‘n’ roll, then blues, girls and excitement. I found myself booted out of cubs, scouts, cadets and seemed to annoy certain people in authority by not wanting to behave or look like they wanted me to look. I was scruffy and wild.

As a teenager I grew hair, was constantly being sent home, had numerous girlfriends, was mad about the Beatles, Who, Pretty Things, Small Faces, Kinks, Yardbirds, Stones and Bob Dylan and started going to live gigs (the Birds, Them and Downliners Sect) and was reading Sci-fi.

By the mid-sixties to late-sixties I was reading Kerouac, Ginsberg and Henry Miller. I’d scraped into college to do a Zoology degree and was firmly entrenched in the London Underground scene – Middle Earth, UFO, Marquis, Les Cousins, Roundhouse. Three gigs a week. I saw almost everyone. Now the likes of Captain Beefheart, Roy Harper, Frank Zappa, Hendrix, Cream, Son House, Jackson C Frank, Country Joe and the Fish, Neil Young, Incredible String Band, Phil Ochs, Velvet Underground and Joni Mitchell joined the fray. Words were my thing. I was a sucker for good lyrics, poetry and clever wordsmiths. I was frequenting Abbey Road studios as a friend of Roy Harper with hair down to my arse, a motor-bike and a head swirling with idealism and wild dreams. I met and set up home with my life-long sweetheart.

For four or five years I was in the centre of the storm. It swirled around me and through me. My evenings spent with friends, sharing, toking, arguing, discussing and listening to music I a mad whirl of interaction and revelation. The music was central. I started writing.

By the mid-seventies the sixties dream had long died and reality hit home. Then Punk hit and I was surging on the tsunami of Sex pistols, Ian Dury, Elvis Costello Stiff Little Fingers and Gang of Four. We had four great kids and I needed an income. I spent thirty-six years in teaching and had a great life opening young minds and expanding horizons. Teaching was a joy. I became a Head Teacher in a Comprehensive Secondary School. The energy and idealism of the young kids gave me nourishment. I kept writing.

We travelled the world, kept gigging and discovering and I started publishing my books.

Now I am here.

27.12.2024

Everything?

Everything?

Everything?

                Five senses.

                                Something.

Everything?

                The spectrum.

                                Part.

Everything?

                The universe.

                                One planet.

Everything?

                Life.

                                Short.

Everything?

                Understand.

                                Nothing.

Opher – 10.12.2024

Here we are – tiny microbes in an infinite universe totally beyond our comprehension.

We see next to nothing.

We experience next to nothing.

We live a miniscule span.

We understand so little.

Yet we think we know it all.

We believe that what we do see is somehow all there is. We do not comprehend that we perceive a tiny portion of the spectrum. Reality is so much more.

They made Fairness and Justice dirty words!

It’s in the interests of billionaires and millionaires to make socialism seem like a conspiracy. That’s why they ensure it never works. They rob it of money if they can.

Capitalism only works for the wealthy!

Extract – Bodies in a Window Paperback

Standing in a room with your dead father

Extract:

How rational we become at times of emotional turmoil.

 Humans! I despise them all. I hate them – all of them – even myself – every last human bastard on this planet. I have come to the realisation that we are the stupidest creatures who have ever evolved on this beautiful green sphere – and there have been a few monsters that have evolved here, I can tell you. 

I think the worst thing about us is our damn intelligence. We can’t even claim ignorance for the vileness of our acts. That makes it all far worse. Everything we do is consciously done with intent. We know exactly what agonies we inflict and we thoroughly enjoy inflicting it.

But life goes on – at least for a while to come. We’ll eke out the last days of our vainglorious reign and probably still be around to witness our total annihilation of what once was a beautiful green planet full of beauty and potential. We’ll leave behind a legacy of pain, garbage and senseless destruction.

But hey – that’s probably just the mood I’m in right now. It’s chemical. And I have good reason. You’d probably be feeling a tad down if you were standing where I am right now.

Death goes on too.

I’ll feel differently in the morning……………. probably.

It is strange the morbid, dismal thoughts that go through your mind while you stand in a hospital ward, beside a bed on which lies the remains of your old man, the person who begat you, who looked after you, nursed you, cared for you, loved you without limits and then fucking goes and dies on you – the bastard.

Except that wasn’t him in the bed at all. That was just an ice-cold marble sculpture of some haggard wretch whose cancer-ridden body some master sculptor had seen fit to replicate in stone. He’d done a fucking good job too. The sunken eyes and gaunt cheeks were perfect. The nose stood out like some grotesque beak. He’d captured it. It was a perfect replica of the man he had been yesterday. But he’d got the colour wrong. This marble effigy was as pale as snow. There was none of the sallow, jaundiced pastiness. The smell had gone too. Obviously there are some things even a great artist cannot replicate.

Bodies in a Window – Paperback

Chapter 1 – Perspectives on a Sunny Day

Life goes on.

That’s all I know. As far as I’m concerned, right now, life is trivial, pointless and boring. It’s nothing more than a repetition of the mundane, periodically interspersed with equally nonsensical novelty. Nothing makes sense. Sadly, today, that is exactly how I’m seeing it. There is no purpose to anything.  It appears to fall into a reassuring pattern – but I think that is an illusion. Change is all there really is. You can be sure that nothing will last for long. Everything you do is doomed to be destroyed in the vagaries of time. Nothing lasts. It’s a pretty miserable state of affairs when you really get down to thinking about it.

I stood in the sanitised room, breathed the Dettol and allowed my mind to run freewheel. Well, I didn’t really allow it to run free, so much as lose control of it. I’d let go. There was no hand on the rudder. It went where it wanted and that appeared to entail a long string of gloomy observations. Right at this moment in time life was looking pretty miserable to me.

Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t always been this morbid; my brain has not always flowed in such a melancholy manner. I used to be a happy, easy-going, positive sort of guy. But that seems a long, long time ago now. I’m no longer that person. Life knocked that naïve optimism right out of me a long time before today.

It is days like this that have robbed me of my positive outlook, and I’ve had a few of these kinds of days. Though fortunately not too many on a par with this particular doozy of an example. This was in a category of its own – a kind of one-off. This truth is, for obvious reasons, you can only experience this event once.

Back when I was young ….. I could laugh at my own naivety ….. I used to postulate solutions to the world’s problems. I even used to have faith in the intrinsic goodness of human beings and believed there were things worth striving for. What a fool I was back then. That was before I realised the true nature of all those movers and shakers out there, the wealthy and powerful, greedily clawing in all they can, and willing to carve up their own grannies for self-advancement. They are a bunch of callous self-servers.

The problem is that I woke up to the reality of humankind but probably didn’t really believe. Today brought it all home with a vengeance.

It is strange what pictures play out on your eyeballs as you stand helpless in a situation like this; what horrid thoughts go through your head. I was certainly no longer in control of my own mental processes. My mind was rampaging down an extremely morbid track. A parade of dark thoughts distil out of nothing and chase each other around.

It occurred to me that, when it boils down to it, we are just glutinous sacs of chemistry; bags of minerals dissolved in water and suffused with ionised electricity. Nothing more.

Right now I had a pretty dim view of my species – not surprising, given the circumstances, I suppose.

We’re all to blame. None of us are guiltless.