Poetry – A Hidden Universe

A Hidden Universe

There is a hidden universe within my head,

Residing in the electronic pathways

Of my cerebrum.

This world contains the traces of days gone by,

Of people dead, places visited

Experiences felt.

It’s a store of things that no longer exist,

Distorted through time

Like an image in a mirror

Under the surface of a rippling brook,

Sometimes clear, sometimes hazy.

Memories revisited, unvisited and forgotten,

Waiting to be reawakened.

Incidents frozen in time,

Embellished, improved, recreated

And relived.

A whole life is trapped in fragments,

Unique fragments;

A vision of the world

Containing all that exists of many things.

It’s a jumble of oddments,

Some special, some mundane,

Poorly arranged, poorly stored, frustratingly incomplete.

Occasionally a stimulus causes a forgotten moment to emerge,

Like a silvery fish from amongst the weeds,

Darting into clarity from the depths to surprise us.

Then it’s gone.

One day it will all be gone forever.

Opher 23.2.2022

Inside my head, the whole of my life is recorded. Everything I’ve seen, heard and felt is laid down in a continuous tape, a chemical, electric phenomenon.

It’s a universe with a unique perspective. My view.

I find it miraculous to even begin to imagine this process.

My memory used to be sharp and clear – now it is hazy. So much forgotten.

They say that we rebuild our memories, remake them, change them, embellish hem. Often what we are remembering is the memory of a rebuil memory.

How I wish it was sharper.

I often wonder if it is the memories decaying or the process of remembering becoming less effective.

Age is a frustration.

I cannot remember people clearly, whole events are missing, most days have entirely vanished, yet some are as sharp as yesterday.

One day this whole universe will dissolve into oblivion.

Poetry – Long Ago

Long Ago

Long ago my brain was sharp,

                Memories were clear,

                                Nothing was lost.

Every book, film and name,

                Every incident,

                                The facts tripped straight to the tongue;

Words appeared by magic.

                All so easy.

                                I could picture all of life

In cinematic colour.

Now,

                                Now I take photographs.

Opher – 14.1.2020

I always thought those memories would last forever. Now I know different. They fade away and leave holes in your life.

We recreate our memories.

Our memories are who we are.

Yet they are not real. We make them up as we go along.

I now wish I’d kept a journal. It would recreate the past; help bring back the lost memories.

But the person who lived back then was a different person.

Nowadays I don’t trust my memory at all. I know it is a lie. So I take photographs of where I’ve been and what I’ve done.

But I suspect that photographs change with time.

I have no way of knowing.

Poetry – Long Ago

Long Ago

Long ago my brain was sharp,

                Memories were clear,

                                Nothing was lost.

Every book, film and name,

                Every incident,

                                The facts tripped straight to the tongue;

Words appeared by magic.

                All so easy.

                                I could picture all of life

In cinematic colour.

Now,

                                Now I take photographs.

Opher – 14.1.2020

Poetry – Memory

Memory

I am a collage of memories –

Some sharp and full of colour,

Others hazy in misty greys,

Some manufactured and adapted,

And most forgotten.

My life is made up

Of ionic changes,

In membranes,

Down fibres,

Trapped in the maze of my brain.

My personality

Is electricity.

Opher 18.5.2016

Memory

What are we?

What is our identity?

Is it our consciousness?

Is it our memory?

The essence of what and who we are is contained in our brains.

That brain is made up of billions of cells with long strands of interconnecting neurones. They form a meshwork of firing that contains our thoughts, dreams, memories, actions and personality. Our consciousness is contained within the chemical reactions on membranes that create ionic changes that cause nerves to fire.

We understand what happens on a subcellular level but that does not explain the reality of consciousness. We are fooling ourselves if we think that. I do not put any spiritual significance to it. I merely reflect that I am boggled by the whole process.

For me the working of the brain, the wonders of cellular activity that creates consciousness, is as spectacularly awesome as the nature of the universe itself. Our consciousness is the wonder of life.

Poetry – Memory – A poem about the wonder of personality and consciousness

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Memory

 

What are we?

What is our identity?

Is it our consciousness?

Is it our memory?

The essence of what and who we are is contained in our brains.

That brain is made up of billions of cells with long strands of interconnecting neurones. They form a meshwork of firing that contains our thoughts, dreams, memories, actions and personality. Our consciousness is contained within the chemical reactions on membranes that create ionic changes, that cause nerves to fire.

We understand what happens on a subcellular level but that does not explain the reality of consciousness. We are fooling ourselves if we think that. I do not put any spiritual significance to it. I merely reflect that I am boggled by the whole process.

For me the working of the brain, the wonders of cellular activity that creates consciousness, is as spectacularly awesome as the nature of the universe itself.

Our consciousness is the wonder of life.

Memory

 

I am a collage of memories –

Some sharp and full of colour,

Others hazy in misty greys,

Some manufactured and adapted,

And most forgotten.

 

My life is made up

Of ionic changes,

In membranes,

Down fibres,

Trapped in the maze of my brain.

 

My personality

Is electricity.

 

Opher 18.5.2016

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 Codas, Cadence and Clues Paperback – 27 Mar 2016

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Poetry – Reviewing the past – a poem about life, memory and waking.

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Reviewing the past

There is a strange state of being that exists hovering between wakefulness and sleep in which the mind has not fully kicked in. It is a reverie. The mind hangs suspended. There is a lazy hand at the wheel. It drifts back and forth. Your life, thoughts, memories and dreams are intermingled.

It is a very pleasant state and one that I regularly enjoy.

Sometimes it appears to me that my life is nothing more than a series of anecdotes held together by some overriding phenomenon that is me. Memories are like the beads on a string. Moments and scenes played out in vivid colour. Around them everything else recedes into a impenetrable fog. The scenes are performed repeatedly and the intervening days, weeks, months and years have been blotted out. They are gone.

Yet even the memories are really vague snatches of what has been. They are not real. They have been redrafted, rearranged, embellished and augmented. Only a hint of the feelings and emotions remain as fleeting, tantalising glimpses.

How I would like to re-inhabit the various people I used to be; to revisit a handful of the forgotten days and become reacquainted with my former selves; to taste that idealism and certainty again.

Perhaps one day soon they will invent a drug that will enable you to do just that; to resurrect the entire experience of a day from the past. I know if that ever happened that I would be first in line. I also know that any drug like that would be instantly banned.

Until then I am quite happy to lie back and reacquaint myself with the scenes from my life, spread out before me like fields seen from a mountain top.

That will have to do.

 


 

Reviewing the past

 

As I awake and lie in limbo,

Not fully connected,

Reviewing the collage of my life –

The could have-beens,

Was and did;

The happenstance,

Chance and wonder,

Spread out

Like a huge quilt of parts

In colour.

All the sadness, ecstasy

And inspiration,

Flashes of understanding;

The loves, losses

And friendships,

The beauty, poetry

And argument –

Like fields seen from afar,

Isolated oasis

Of moments,

Each preserved

As a unique tableau.

As I lay back

To relive those moments –

The yearning,

The unusual,

The fondly remembered

And pathos –

Separated by deserts

Of forgotten days,

Forgotten nothing.

Yet all

Reinvented,

Rearranged

And altered to fit.

Nothing more than a false representation

Of what has been –

Only a life –

Nothing real –

A hazy, reimagined past –

As reality kicks in.

 

Opher 23.1.2016

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