I stole this wonderful idea from Dave Burnham and developed it into an amusing short story. Thanks Dave.
‘Good morning Mr Jeckyll, where are you? Oh there you are. Now what made you apply to the Agency?’
‘I want to be a superhero.’
‘Well you’ve come to the right place. This is the Superhero Agency. We specialise in finding roles for superheroes. Oh, you’ve gone again. I can see you Mr Jeckyll, peeping out from under the desk.’ He chuckled. Mr Rowntree was used to dealing with real superheroes – Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern , the Incredible Hulk and the like – all muscular, fit and dynamic, not like the scrawny youth in front of him. The idea of him being a superhero was amusing but he was happy to go through the formalities. Superheroes were few and far between. He did not have much to fill his days with and dreamed of a new discovery. You never knew. The most unlikely of places.
Mr Rowntree began shuffling papers and gave Gavin a stern look as the callow youth slid back into his seat. He pushed his horn-rimmed glasses back on his nose and blinked. His eyes were playing up today.
‘I think some paperwork is in order.’ His pen was poised over his application form as he began to take down some particulars. He glanced back up to find no sign of the young Mr Jeckyll. He’d gone again.
‘Ah, there you are,’ he muttered with a sigh of exasperation as he caught a glimpse of the young man’s head peeping out from behind the filing cabinets. ‘Let us start at the beginning. Now, what superpowers do you possess? I do wish you would keep still.’ He blinked to settle his misty eyes.
Gavin Jeckyll regained his seat. ‘I am super at hiding.’
‘Hmmm,’ Mr Rowntree murmured dubiously through pursed lips, not taking his eyes off the youth. ‘Hiding, eh? We don’t get too much call for that in this business – more the turning green and bursting out of your clothes to stop locomotives, or flying through the air to prevent disasters. That sort of thing. I’ve never seen hiding as a super-skill.’
‘Exactly,’ Gavin replied. ‘There’s no superhider. I’m your man.’
Mr Rowntree frowned dubiously across at the emaciated young man, blinking to settle his eyes, his pen poised. ‘And pray Mr Jeckyll, what possible use could this superpower be to humanity?’ He ground to a halt, scanning the room. The youth had gone again. He was certain he hadn’t taken his eyes off him yet he had disappeared. He must have glanced down. Now where was he? He perused the room. There was not a sign. No head peeping out from under the desk or behind the filing cabinet. Apart from those few items the room was bare.
‘I can listen in on secret meetings and gain valuable information about our enemies,’ a dissociated voice drifted from behind the curtains.
Mr Rowntree turned to study where the voice had emanated from. No sign.
‘I can tell you all the most dastardly plans. I can avert wars, halt tyrants in their tracks. I want to be a superhero.’
Mr Rowntree was beginning to see the possibilities but was still far from convinced. Nobody looked less like a superhero than Gavin Jeckyll. He couldn’t imagine comics being written about this dishevelled lanky youth and certainly not a film. Nobody could be less photogenic. He blinked and tried to keep his eyes trained on the stringy fellow.
‘Hmmm, if we were to confer superstatus on you Mr Jeckyll, what superuniform could we devise and what name could you assume?’
Mr Rowntree looked up from his form. ‘Oh, where are you now? Oh there you are.’
Mr Jeckyll was pretending to be a coat stand by the side of the door and very effective at it too, only when he waved back at Mr Rowntree did he become visible.
Gavin Jeckyll moved in front of the desk, pulled his shirt off and dropped his tracksuit bottoms.
‘Mr Jeckyll really!’ Mr Rowntree exclaimed. ‘You really can’t get undressed here. I was only referring to the possibility of a superuniform.’ Then he went quiet, staring at the naked Gavin Jeckyll in disbelief. ‘Oh. Gosh and golly. That is extraordinary.’
As he stared at the man, Jeckyll’s skin took on the colour and texture of his surroundings and seemed to melt into the room – ‘The Chameleon’ was born.
The Last Two Humans eBook : Forsythe, Ron: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store
Will shortly be available in Paperback and Hard back!
THE LAST TWO HUMANS
The Last Two Humans is a satirical, emotionally charged exploration of extinction, love, and the stories we choose to believe. With echoes of Vonnegut, Orwell, and Douglas Adams, it’s a tale of absurdity, tenderness, and the strange hope that survives the end of the world.
Love, extinction, and the absurdity of survival.
Nick and Jenny wake to find themselves trapped in a research enclosure on a distant planet. They don’t know how they got there, or why—but they have each other. And when they make love, the universe takes notice.
Their intimate moment, accidentally broadcast by a rogue alien, goes viral across the galaxy. Suddenly, human sex becomes the hottest commodity in existence. The institute that was about to be shut down is now the centre of a cultural revolution. Politicians pivot, bureaucrats rebrand, and the last two humans become symbols of everything society claims to value: empathy, connection, and the will to survive.
But behind the applause lies a darker truth—opportunism, manipulation, and the rewriting of history. As the rest of humanity is wiped out by a mysterious virus, Nick and Jenny’s quiet resilience becomes a beacon in a world that never meant to save them.
Hardback, Paperback and eBook. Everything you want to know. A fun read. Buy some death!
The Book of DEATH eBook : Goodwin, Opher: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store
We’re going to put the Great back in Britain again!
I’m going to cut crime by 95% in two days! We ship all criminals off to Siberia to special camps and close all prisons!! That’ll save a fortune!
I will triple the number of police and arm them with assault rifles!
I’ll bring in compulsory conscription and create an army of millions.
I will ban all protests and deport protestors.
I will introduce public floggings for minor crimes and bring back capital punishment.
I will build a wall around the UK and shoot immigrants who try to enter – on sight!
I will increase pensions by 50% and double the winter fuel allowance.
I will do away with ALL welfare payments and make work compulsory.
I will institute a fifty hour week to raise productivity and boost the economy.
I will raise the retire age to eighty so that we can harness the skill and experience of our seniors. No more thrown on the rubbish heap!
I will triple the pay of politicians so that we attract in the right calibre!
I will cut taxes for millionaires to increase investment and do away with corporation tax to attract companies! There will be a trickle down to the poor.
I will make it easy to fire people. With no welfare to fall back on they will have to work hard. We will not tolerate skivers and freeloaders.
I will end all wars in 1 day!
I will give Gaza to Israel and Ukraine to Russia!
I will nuke Iran and North Korea removing threats and making us safe!
I will not only ban burqas but completely ban Islam. This is a Christian nation!
All citizens will have to speak English fluently and immigrants and their progeny will have to pass a citizens exam or be deported!
We’ll ban trade unions and make all strikes illegal.
Free Speech will be mandatory with NO restrictions!
The government will run the BBC and all media outlets so that no misinformation or fake news can be distributed!
We will make the singing of the National Anthem compulsory at the start of the day in all schools and government institutions. It will be played at the end of the day on all media and radio. People will be expected to stand, sing and place their right hand on their hearts.
I will introduce a British pledge of allegiance!
I will have a St George’s week where people should dress as crusaders.
The school curriculum will only feature British history and reflect the greatness of our fabulous Empire. We will teach our children that Great Britain is superior to any other race and they should be proud to die for their country!
I will start a programme of reinvasions to take back what is rightfully ours.
I will double down on Brexit and break ALL ties with Europe – we’ll put a 200% tariff on all EU goods!
I will replace all statues with people that have inspired us – Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson and Donald Trump – people will be expected to bow their heads in passing to recognise their greatness.
The proms will be compulsory viewing with renditions of Rule Britannia and Jerusalem mandatory.
I will reclaim the USA, Canada, Australia and New Zealand and take control of the Suez Canal.
I will make Donald Trump King and replace the royal family (they’re all Germans)!
I am not nuts! I am a patriotic Englishman – proud to be British!
God save the New King! God save the UK! God save Farage and Trump! Put the Great back in Britain!
In the second week I will…
The idea for this novel came from the danger we are posing to our own planet. Are we about to kill ourselves off?
A bunch of aliens think so.
They think we are endangered and exotic enough to capture and place in a zoo in order to conserve the species!
The trouble is that this zoo is run by incompetent dysfunctional staff – just like many institutions on Earth.
That gave me licence to send things up in a glorious satire with aliens having all the same characteristics as their counterparts on Earth. I had great fun. I’m sure a lot of you have found yourself in these sort of meetings, with this assortment of characters.
So this Sci-fi romp is a thinly veiled exposes of humans and their institutions. Enjoy!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 31 July 2018
An ambitious sci-fi novel packed with serious ideas and amusing moments. The alien perspective on humankind is sometimes hilarious and often thought-provoking in this racy, zany and sometimes politically-satirical story. It’s never sentimental and creates convincingly detailed worlds, with a solid biological and scientific feel. The novel explores multiple viewpoints with the thoughts and reactions of a huge range of characters and I sensed many influences, from the American sci-fi greats to – particularly, I think – British writers like Douglas Adams and Michael Moorcock. But it’s never other-worldly and I liked it that the question of what it is to be human is central to this stimulating story.
The idea for this book was that of an alien zoo supposedly run to conserve rare intelligent life forms.
This provided endless scope for humour – incompetent directors, unscrupulous dealers, an imminent inspection, rules, regs, absurd meetings and the abduction and introduction of two weird semi-intelligent specimens (humans).
I had great fun putting this together. If you’ve ever worked in an organisation you’ll recognise the satire.
The Gordian Fetish: Amazon.co.uk: Forsythe, Ron: 9781981947973: Books
