John Cooper Clarke Quotes – The Punk Poet speaks!

P1030177

Nobody has quite the mouth that Dr John has. It’s an incessant stream that can bring tears. Here’s a few:

You can count on him. He’ll always let you down.

So many people that is true of.

Poverty – the one thing money can’t buy

To convey one’s mood
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic

As they used to say on Stingray, ‘Anything can happen in the next half hour’. I’ve always tried to live with that thought in mind.

With charm you’ve got to get up close to see it; style slaps you in the face.

Increasingly, I have to deal with bereavement. I could go to five funerals a week. But that many vol au vents is not good for you.

 

Tribute to Rock Genius – John Cooper Clarke

61snz5v9xkl-_ac_us160_

John Cooper Clarke

John is the poet laureate of Punk. No one else comes close. The Salford Mouth, the Bard of Salford or Johnny Clarke the name behind the hairstyle, it matters little. The poems do the talking. But it’s not all about the poems; it’s the delivery as well that counts. No one rants, alliterates, heckles back, ad libs or bites like Johnny Clarke. The humour is wicked and barbed. You can’t heckle safely. If you’re a target you’d better duck.

He started off as a ‘Performance Poet’ but then it got out of hand. At the time of Punk there was an interest in the spoken word – poems shouted or recited, sometimes over a backing. It was usually highly political and called Ranting. Johnny was king of the Ranters. It seemed to go hand in hand with Hip-Hop and the birth of Rap with people like the Last Poets and Gil Scott Heron and with the Reggae Dub Poets and Toasters like Linton Kwesi Johnson and Michael Smith. Johnny toured with Punk Bands like the Sex Pistols, Fall and Elvis Costello and he also toured with Linton Kwesi Johnson.

At the beginning it was just him and his mouth (and hair of course) but then it was a set of backing tapes and then a band. Who knows where it might have gone if heroin hadn’t got in the way. We’re looking at a lost decade or two.

The good news is that he has finally re-emerged with mouth intact. Some people haven’t got a good word for him but I have and it’s not Twat.

John Cooper Clarke – Twat – an hilarious poem put to music.

John_Cooper_Clarke

John Cooper Clarke is hilarious. He’s more of a stand up comic than a poet – though his words are special.

This poem is probably the funniest thing I’ve ever heard put to music. His delivery is perfect.

Johnny started up at the same time as Punk and his sensibilities fitted straight in. His repartee is infamous – put down to a heckler – ‘Sorry mate, I can’t hear what you’re saying – Your mouth’s too full of shit.’

I can think of a few people I’d like to play this to.

TWAT

      Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.

 

      Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you’re clean round the bend.

 

      You give me the horrors

 

      too bad to be true

 

      All of my tomorrow’s

 

      are lousy coz of you.

You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here… wear this polythene bag.

You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale… Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide…
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can…
TWAT.

John Cooper Clarke – Beasley Street – The Punk poet paints the picture of what life is like for the underprivileged. It’s not the idyllic image often presented.

John_Cooper_Clarke

The Salford Punk Bard paints the picture of life in the squalor of the unemployed denizens of the underclass. These are the people consigned to the scrapheap for whom there is no future; no way out.

With the rats, fleas, drugs and shit; it’s no fun on Beasley Street.

This is where the lowlife live, the forsaken and no-hopers. They’ve nowhere else to fall. It’s all a comatose holiday waiting for release. It’s called Beasley Street.

Johnny Clarke knows the score. He’s lived there on heroin and nods. He’s paid the price, got the T-shirt and re-emerged.

You’d think anyone as lucid would be immune?

Not many people escape the clutches of Beasley Street.

Beasley Street

Far from crazy pavements
The taste of silver spoons
A clinical arrangement
On a dirty afternoon

Where the fecal germs of Mr Freud
Are rendered obsolete
The legal term is null and void
In the case of Beasley Street

In the cheap seats where murder breeds
Somebody is out of breath
Sleep is a luxury they don’t need
A sneak preview of death

Belladonna is your flower
Manslaughter your meat
Spend a year in a couple of hours
On the edge of Beasley Street

Where the action isn’t
That’s where it is
State your position
Vacancies exist

In an X-certificate exercise
Ex-servicemen excrete
Keith Joseph smiles and a baby dies
In a box on Beasley Street

From the boarding houses and the bedsits
Full of accidents and fleas
Somebody gets it
Where the missing persons freeze

Wearing dead men’s overcoats
You can’t see their feet
A riff joint shuts opens up
Right down on Beasley Street

Cars collide, colors clash
Disaster movie stuff
For a man with a Fu Manchu mustache
Revenge is not enough

There’s a dead canary on a swivel seat
There’s a rainbow in the road
Meanwhile on Beasley Street
Silence is the code

Hot beneath the collar
An inspector calls
Where the perishing stink of squalor
Impregnates the walls

The rats have all got rickets
They spit through broken teeth
The name of the game is not cricket
Caught out on Beasley Street

The hipster and his hired hat
Drive a borrowed car
Yellow socks and a pink cravat
Nothing la-di-dah

OAP, mother to be
Watch the three-piece suite
When shit-stoppered drains
And crocodile skis
Are seen on Beasley Street

The kingdom of the blind
A one-eyed man is king
Beauty problems are redefined
The doorbells do not ring

A light bulb bursts like a blister
The only form of heat
Here a fellow sells his sister
Down the river on Beasley Street

The boys are on the wagon
The girls are on the shelf
Their common problem is
That they’re not someone else

The dirt blows out
The dust blows in
You can’t keep it neat
It’s a fully furnished dustbin
Sixteen Beasley Street

Vince the aging savage
Betrays no kind of life
But the smell of yesterday’s cabbage
And the ghost of last year’s wife

Through a constant haze
Of deodorant sprays
He says retreat
Alsatians dog the dirty days
Down the middle of Beasley Street

People turn to poison
Quick as lager turns to piss
Sweethearts are physically sick
Every time they kiss

It’s a sociologist’s paradise
Each day repeats
On easy, cheesy, greasy, queasy
Beastly Beasley Street

Eyes dead as vicious fish
Look around for laughs
If I could have just one wish
I would be a photograph

On a permanent Monday morning
Get lost or fall asleep
When the yellow cats are yawning
Around the back of Beasley Street