The Ballad of Spycatcher – Leon Rosselson

The more I hear about the antics of the establishment the more chilling it becomes. They actively plot to prevent a Labour government. They even believed Wilson to be a Russian spy and planned a coup! Incredible.

The link to the song is at the end. Give it a listen.

The Ballad of Spycatcher – Leon Rosselson

Now listen children while I sing

this ballad I’ve just made

About a Peter (Wright, not Rabbit), a spycatcher by trade

I’ll sing of how he joined a special gang called MI5

Who guard the nation’s secrets so that liberty may thrive

And of how young Peter, quick to learn, soon got to know the ropes

The trick of picking locks

The art of opening envelopes

And of how the senior officers began their working day

By trying to solve the crossword… in The Times (needless to say) [Chorus]

But of all the strange things I’ll relate

The strangest thing to me

Is that this doggerel I am singing contravenes the Rule of Free

For Nanny (God bless Nanny) Thinks it wouldn’t do

For you to know about the naughty things that grown-up people do [Interlude]

S.F. (Special Facility) was Peter’s favourite toy

And night and day he played with it like any little boy

For bugging rooms and tapping ‘phones were things he loved the best

‘Five years’ said Wright ‘we bugged and burgled at the state’s behest’

We bugged the Russian embassy which wasn’t very chique

So we bugged the French, the Chinese, the Egyptians and the Greek

Bugged Khrushchev’s rooms in Clarriages and listened in with care

While ‘K’ decided on his tie and how to part his hair [Chorus]

But of all the strange things I relate

The strangest thing to me

Is that this doggeral I am singing contravenes the Rule of Free

For Nanny (God bless Nanny) Thinks it wouldn’t do

For you to know about the naughty things that grown-up people do

They bugged colonial conferences

Then they turned their minds to keeping tabs on millitants

and ‘lefties’ of all kinds

Trade-unionists and studens where the targests of their whiles

They burgled C.P. member’s homes and stole the party’s files

And what did it add up to?

And what did it avail?

All this bugging and burgling and intercepting mail

Did it save us from the Russians?

Did it help to keep us free?

Did it keep this country green and pleasant?

Did it buggery!

But of all the strange things I relate

The strangest thing to me

Is that this doggeral I am singing contravenes the Rule of Free

For Nanny (God bless Nanny) Thinks it wouldn’t do

For you to know about the naughty things that grown-up people do

‘The trouble was’ said Wright ‘That we often were mislead’

‘And the Russians always seemed to be a step or two ahead’

‘For what ever MI5 knew, the Russians knew it too’

‘And when we knew they knew we knew, they knew we knew they knew’

Penkovsky, was he theirs or ours? A triumph or a con?

So back-and-forth and round-and-round the maisy dance went on

While Peter set up operations Sunshine, Pigroot, Choir

Dew-worm, Mole (what lovely names!) and saw them all mis-fire

But of all the strange things I relate

The strangest thing to me

Is that this doggeral I am singing contravenes the Rule of Free

For Nanny (God bless Nanny) Thinks it wouldn’t do

For you to know about the naughty things that grown-up people do

‘I fear the worst’ says Peter G ‘And this I can’t fogive:’

‘For years the Secret Service has been leaking like a seive’

‘The evidence is growing there is someone placed on-high’

‘Who’s tipping-off the Russians’

‘A traitor and a spy’

Was it Mitchell?

Was it Hollice (The outfit’s own D.G.)?

‘Incredible!’ I hear you say

But Wright would not agree

His finger points to Hollice

‘I’ll unmask him if I can’

‘He’s ex-public school and Oxford, and I’ve never liked the man’

And now my tales grows farcicle

And should we laugh or cry?

For the C.I.A man Angleton names Wilson as a Spy

And Cecil King in ’68 decides to lead a coup

Against the Wilson government

So strange it must be true

And certain shady businessmen asked Peter for the gen

To do the dirt on Wilson and keep him out of Number 10

And a group of senior officers tell Wright of their intent

To save us from the clutches of a Labour government

But of all the strange things I relate

The strangest thing to me

Is that this doggeral I am singing contravenes the Rule of Free

For Nanny (God bless Nanny) Thinks it wouldn’t do

For you to know about the naughty things that grown-up people do

Now I haven’t time to tell you of those other dirty tricks

Like the plot to bump-off Nasser (but that was MI6)

And of how the C.I.A planned in 1965 to open up their sharky mouth

And swallow MI5 alive

But one more thing I feel that I should bring to your attention:

For all his pains poor Peter never got his propper pension

So why not buy his book yourself and do the man some good

So he can die comfort as ex-spycatchers should

But of all the things I’ve told you

The strangest thing to me

Is that this doggeral I am singing contravenes the Rule of Three

For Nanny (God bless Nanny) Thinks it wouldn’t do

For you to know about the naughty things that spycatchers do