I Hate Shopping – a poem

Christmas is coming. My wardrobe requires attention. It was time for me to be escorted through the Christmas crowds to buy a new coat. This used to be a relatively easy process. Now it entails trailing round many shopping, trying on large numbers of coats and assessing how they impact on my image and sartorial demeanor. I just want a warm bloody coat.

Why can’t I just buy a coat?

What is going on with all these new things with ripped to shreds with deliberate tears? Fashion is madness.

 

I Hate Shopping

 

Mooching with multitudes of miserable mindless morons meandering around the mall.

 

I hate shopping.

 

Tediously trying on terrible togs full of trendy tears.

 

I hate shopping.

 

Ponderously plodding, pulled from pillar to post pointlessly appropriating property.

 

I hate shopping.

 

Acquiring awful artefacts, apathetically in an anguished agony of avid attainment.

 

I hate shopping.

 

Mumbling meaningless mumbo-jumbo over the morass of mouldering merchandise

 

I hate shopping.

 

Dissembling in ones domicile the drab discounted products of dubious distinction destined for discarding in the dustbin of destruction without delay.

 

Oh how I loathe shopping.

 

25.11.2017