I Hate Shopping – a poem

Posted on by Opher

Christmas is coming. My wardrobe requires attention. It was time for me to be escorted through the Christmas crowds to buy a new coat. This used to be a relatively easy process. Now it entails trailing round many shopping, trying on large numbers of coats and assessing how they impact on my image and sartorial demeanor. I just want a warm bloody coat.

Why can’t I just buy a coat?

What is going on with all these new things with ripped to shreds with deliberate tears? Fashion is madness.

 

I Hate Shopping

 

Mooching with multitudes of miserable mindless morons meandering around the mall.

 

I hate shopping.

 

Tediously trying on terrible togs full of trendy tears.

 

I hate shopping.

 

Ponderously plodding, pulled from pillar to post pointlessly appropriating property.

 

I hate shopping.

 

Acquiring awful artefacts, apathetically in an anguished agony of avid attainment.

 

I hate shopping.

 

Mumbling meaningless mumbo-jumbo over the morass of mouldering merchandise

 

I hate shopping.

 

Dissembling in ones domicile the drab discounted products of dubious distinction destined for discarding in the dustbin of destruction without delay.

 

Oh how I loathe shopping.

 

25.11.2017

11 thoughts on “I Hate Shopping – a poem”

  1. You sound like David, my late Husband. He used to tell people his ashes would be scattered in Marks and Sparks, that way I would visit him twice a week. Once to buy something and secondly to take it back. That Christmas David Died and several after I hated shopping, I would cry when I would see couples together shopping, I felt so alone, terribly alone. I only shop via the internet now, its easier for me, even the food is via the internet.

    Opher, when you go shopping with your wife, be happy for one day it will be only one Christmas shopping. Lots of luck with your new Coat.

    1. Thanks Anna – I know you are right. I just hate it. It is such a chore pushing through the crowds and trying things on.
      Liz does that too – buying things and taking them back.

      1. Women, Opher. You will never change us but then I expect you certainly would not want to. Many thanks for sending all those pictures, I am saving them for tomorrow so I can concentrate on them and enjoy them, I will respond. Many thanks again for doing that.

      2. You are more than welcome. I hope it was a good Sunday for you. I know you don’t like Sundays though. Enjoy the evening. I’ve been watching the Rugby League. England is through to the World Cup final against Australia next Saturday!! How about that!

  3. That is exactly why I spent the day on Amazon a couple weeks ago. I can’t get out much — haven’t the stamina to fight the crowds — but my shopping is done and delivered! I just need to wrap all those things.

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