I was inspired to write a blog on boobs after reading a post by Jess from Half Girl Half Teacup.

Boobs – what a strange phenomenon or is it phenomena (there are usually two of them).

Everybody is obsessed with them.

Guys are nuts about them and can’t get enough.

Girls are worried about them all the time. They are either too big or too small. They pay billions for cosmetic implants. It’s the end of the world if they have to have a mastectomy. Young girls worry about not having any.

Boobs dominate everyone’s thoughts.

The Fugs

Boobs A Lot

But why?

They are obviously not there for the feeding of babies. Gorillas and chimps (our very close cousins) don’t have them and they feed their babies perfectly OK. In fact only 10% of a boob is glandular. 90% is adipose tissue (fat). If girls have boobs that are too big they find it hard to breast feed – the smaller the better is the rule.

So what are they for?

They are simply a secondary sex characteristic to attract males. Males like boobs a lot.

The trouble is that they are a bloody nuisance that women have been saddled with for thousands of years. They cause nothing but trouble (oh I know that a lot of girls like to flaunt their boobs and love the effect they have on men – but that hardly compensates in my opinion). Boobs get in the way. They are not built for running. They are not built for fighting. They have a short life (they head south rapidly if unsupported). They are cumbersome (guys – trying strapping two big bags of sugar to the front of your chest and see if they slow you down and get in the way).

They probably stopped women competing on a level playing field in primitive times. They could not hunt so well.

Women athletes tend to reabsorb their breasts.

The firmness of breasts denote fertility. Young girls are fertile. Older women are less so. The more pert the breasts the more fertile the girl.

Of course with modern technology women have conspired to keep their breasts pert longer and support them so they appear more pert than they are in order to subvert male proclivities. Men are easily fooled.

So why did something so useless and detrimental evolve?

Well Desmond Morris postulates that it is all to do with our bipedal evolution.

With chimps, gorillas and early man the quadrupedal nature of ambulation meant that the male face was lower down and the main focus of male attention was on the rump of the female – hence her rounded buttocks and reddened labia. The buttocks and labia were the main attractants.

When we walked upright the buttocks were nowhere near so visible so substitutes were evolutionarily selected. The boobs and big red lips took on the role of the buttocks and labia.

Aaah!! What does it tell us?

Men are such fools.

A little bit of lipstick and a push-up bra will take all the blood away from their brains. All they see and think about is boobs (and lips, labia and buttocks of course).