Lucky Today

Posted on by Opher

Lucky Today

I was lucky today,

                I managed to book a slot to be ill,

Someone cancelled,

                Probably died.

So on May the twenty eighth at ten fifteen

                In two thousand and twenty eight

The doctor can see me

                And prescribe me a pill.

I have five years

                To think about

                                What might be making me unwell.

Let’s hope it’s nothing serious!

I am on a roll.

                I managed to find an appointment

To sort which teeth I might want to fill.

                That’s in twenty twenty-nine.

So I’ve got six years

                To save up

So that I can pay the bill.

My kids are being taught

                By a homeless guy

                                The school took in off the street.

He has no qualifications

                But he was cheap.

They’re holding an lottery

                For a loaf of bread.

I might buy a ticket.

                Only a pound.

I know thousands will be trying for it

                But it’s my lucky day!

Opher – 15.3.2023

I was listening to Hunt’s budget in which he handed out lots of promises, gave lots of money to the rich as usual, and told us how brilliant they’d been for the past twelve years and how marvellous it was going to be in the future.

Outside in the streets the whole country is on strike because of starvation wages, cuts and austerity, shelves are empty and everything is horribly broken.

Dental appointments, hospitals, ambulances, trains, GPs, restaurants, farms, fishing, you name it. Costs too high, staff shortages, red tape and poor wages – the joys of Brexit.

At least we’ve taken back control and given it to Rees-Mogg!!

Jonathan Pie – Strikes! He tells it like it is!!

Posted on by Opher

He Doesn’t hold back!

The reason there are strikes is because the Tories have squandered Billions and Billions, giving it away to donors, squandering it on Track and Trace, wasting tens of billions on Brexit, billions on loans. So Mone can walk away with a cool £29 million for fuck all. Johnson can earn a million from 4 short speeches! yet there’s no money for the essential front-line staff!!

There’s plenty of money for Hancock’s landlord. There’s plenty of money for Cameron and Osborne! There’s £10 million a year for Boris Johnson – but there’s no money for nurses, teachers, posties, bin men, border staff, fire service, ambulance drivers, porters and the like.

They’ve had a dozen years of cuts, austerity and tax hikes! Twelve years of getting poorer! Now their electricity and gas are through the roof (while those companies make massive fortunes), their petrol is through the roof (while the oil companies are making billions), the cost of food is through the roof (while Brexit means that fruit is rotting). They can’t afford to heat their homes and eat.

Yet Boris Johnson, who foisted this bad Brexit on us costing the country hundreds of billions, goes off into the sunset in a gold coach. The greedy, lazy lying bastard!

Kwartang and Truss cost us billions and put our mortgages through the roof – I bet they aren’t having to turn their heating off!!

The Troll from Trondheim won’t last forever!

Posted on by Opher

Never mind! Putin will probably send a few nuclear devices to warm us up!!

I went to the fish and chip shop yesterday. It was open! They weren’t on strike!

Everybody else is!

I wish this bloody government were! (Although they might as well be – they don’t seem to be doing much about anything.)

I’ve just put the heating on! It’s bloody cold in here! I’m arranging a mortgage to cover the bill!

Breaking News: Match Makers NOT on strike!!

Posted on by Opher

Fortunately for the factories and smokers match-makers are one of the few people left in the country who are not on strike!!

Can the GDP go into negative values I wonder?

After twelve years of Tory misrule everybody’s pay was so low that they could not afford to eat and heat. Some are working three jobs and still not getting by.

A Tory spokesperson said: ‘Silly buggers. They should have donated to the Tory Party. They’d have been given millions for doing nothing.’

Meanwhile, Peeress Mone is not going to attend the House of Lords. A spokesperson said: ‘She can’t be arsed! £332 a sitting is peanuts! The interest on her £20 million will do nicely!’

Britain’s new multimillionaire Tory donors are feeling the pinch. Maintaining a superyacht and two penthouse suites with a country mansion, all fully staffed, requires a bigger income. A spokesperson said: ‘We’re calling on the government to start another pandemic or at least have another Brexit!’