Do atheists have morals??

The Antitheist’s Bible – Extract 2

A short extract from my novel – The Antitheist’s Bible – a novel who’s central theme is about the absurdities of religion and how it has been used to control people and gain power.

‘So what do you think the world’d be like without religion, Oph?’ Kathy demanded, draining her glass and topping it up, passing me the spliff.

That was an interesting question. I wanted to say straight off how much better it would be but there was more to it than that. Phew. The more I pondered that the more the implications were enormous.

‘I dunno Kathy,’ I mused, frowning and pulling on the spliff. ‘It’d be a lot different. Just think – if we didn’t have all that energy put into building all those churches, temples and cathedrals; if everyone hadn’t wasted all that time and energy in pointless ceremonies and prayer; if we hadn’t been held back for thousands of years with all that superstition.’ I was warming to it. My imagination was already extrapolating out the possibilities, all the better uses those energies could be put to —– ‘If all that energy was put into more positive things!!’

‘Yeah but Oph,’ Kathy retorted rather aggressively, reaching across for the spliff, ‘those temples are beautiful, and the music and art. Wouldn’t the world be a dreary place without it?’

I grinned at her. Kathy playing her usual role of devil’s advocate. I wasn’t falling for that. But then again it was true. There were many great things that had come out of religion and many religious people would point to the sense of community and togetherness that religion produced, but I wasn’t about to acknowledge any of that. My beef was with the power structure.

I gurned at her. ‘Yeah, shame about the butchery, intolerance and torture’ I mused, raising my eyebrows. ‘Shame that so many were flayed alive and burnt to death in agony,’ I nodded my head and pursed my lips, warming to the task. ‘It’s a shame about 9.11, the bombings and misogyny. Shame about the cultural castration and the enslavement of women, all those women locked up in burqas.’ I could tell from her eyes that I was doing what she had wanted me to do – she had succeeded in getting me going. ‘Apart from that…… and all the bollocks about heaven, paradise ……….. and the hypocrisy …………. and the ridiculous contradictions, homophobia, intolerance ……….’ I was floundering around for all the many facets that had so infuriated me as Kathy smiled encouragingly, judgmentally apart, drawing on the spliff and studying my agitation.  ‘And the way they all have their little stories that they hold to be gospel,’ I was now having to prevent myself from prodding a finger in her direction, ‘while denouncing everyone else’s versions as fabricated nonsense …….’ I was getting into my stride, placing the glass down on the floor so I didn’t spill it, waving my hands around. ‘You know, the way they claim to be the chosen people who are favoured by God and that all others, the heathen non-believers, are to be cast into the fiery pits forever……….. and the intrinsic stupidities of replacing the unfathomable reason for life with an equally unknown substitute, some magically manifest supernaturally powerful being………’ I couldn’t help myself. I was becoming more and more animated. ‘After all – where did this all-powerful god come from? …………… and what was the purpose of this eternal life? ……. Religion has no answers. They just tell you to believe. Bollocks. None of it makes sense.’

‘Ah come on Oph,’ she said insincerely, smiling sweetly, cutting me short, feigning an American accent. ‘You know god moves in mysterious ways. It is not our place to understand the working of god’s mind.’

I shook my head at her in a theatrical show of despair. She grinned back at me obviously warming to her task. ‘Besides, You’ve got to admit that the world would be a lot drabber without all those costumes and customs? If religion hadn’t determined things then the State would have done. There would have been bigger wars, bigger castles and more powerful warlords. Ordinary people might be in an even worse state.’

There was nothing I liked better than to argue on matters such as this. It got my grey cells buzzing, forced me to examine my own views and crystallize them. Religion was one of my pet themes and she knew it. It was also one of hers.

‘Or we might be living in a more liberated world where the enlightenment took place thousands of years earlier and everything was fairer and more advanced,’ I suggested, tilting my head to the side.

‘So you don’t believe that morality and ethics originate in religion?’ She poured herself another glassful and sipped trying to look quizzical and earnest. I laughed out loud. From my standpoint she’d only succeeded in looking comical. I knew she didn’t believe what she was suggesting.

I chuckled some more. ‘No, No Kathy, no I don’t. I think fairness, morality and ethics are basic human attributes.’ I frowned and took a big gulp of what was a cheapish red shiraz that had proved surprisingly smooth, then topped up my glass before replying. ‘I think that religion’s got fuck all to do with it. Religion is just about power. That and the State. All about power. It’s all primitive stuff. All the boys vying to be the great chief or shaman; white-backed gorillas. They are just seeking dominance and the right to fuck all the women. It’s all about DNA playing its games to get its genes into the next gene pool.’

‘But Oph,’ Kathy objected keenly, stubbing the dead roach in the ashtray. ‘Every culture has its creation myths and code of morality. They all regulate society and bring some order to it. Perhaps people need that? Perhaps religion helps produce that?’ Kathy continued her ploy. She was enjoying it just as much as I was.

‘Yeah, and they all create a pile of complicated dogma and use it to bash each other with, to shackle themselves,’ I began rolling another jay.

‘But there is order and there are restraints,’ she argued forcefully, ‘religion has restricted the power of the state, hasn’t  it? It has helped produce order and structure.’

The Antitheist’s Bible: Goodwin, Opher: 9798391555216: Books

An Antitheist’s Dictionary – Extract 3


These are the people who are not strong enough to stand on their own. They are easily led. An acolyte is someone who lights the candles or participates in the services – an active follower of a religion. They like obeying rules and doing what they are told. Usually lacking in imagination or critical analysis they take everything at face value. If it’s written down and Abraham says it happened it must be true.

All despots love acolytes. They are very handy.

Adam & Eve

According to the mythology that is religion Adam was the first man. He was made by the great supernatural, all knowing, eternal fairy, out of dust.

Eve was an after-thought and was made out of Adam’s rib when the fairy realised that Adam might be lonely. The fairy hadn’t thought it all through to start with, had he? So much for all-knowing.

The pair of his new creations were plonked in a perfect garden and told not to eat the fruit of knowledge. Of course, the fairy had previously created all manner of plants and animals (equipped with sex organs and mating rituals) for Adam and Eve to eat and play about with.

Eve was tricked by a serpent (what was that serpent’s function?) into eating the fruit and persuaded Adam to eat it, too (henceforth, used as justification for reviling all women as evil temptresses who must be hidden away in shapeless gowns). They lost their innocence and were kicked out of the garden by god.

So what can we learn from this?

  1. This is a classic creation myth. Every culture has one. You can imagine them sitting round camp-fires telling their stories. Primitive people were extremely ignorant but just as intelligent as us. They tried to come up with plausible stories that fitted in with their limited understanding. Story telling was an art. It didn’t have to make sense. It just had to sound good and capture the audience. Naked people, innocence, sex, serpents and beautiful gardens with running water and fruit – what could be more appealing to nomadic desert folk. Very dramatic.
  2. This myth does not make any sense. Dust, ribs and talking serpents, magical forbidden trees, wondrous gardens and a god who doesn’t seem to like sex and is pretty harsh about it. It is a creation myth that had its roots in pre-jewish culture.
  3. The god described, who was meant to know everything and know what was to come, seems to have been remarkably amiss. Why put the tree there in the first place? Why punish Adam and Eve when he knew what was going to happen? It’s the usual muddled nonsense. But makes for good drama when told around the campfire, with the flickering flames and the twinkling desert stars and everyone asking the eternal questions – what is this all about? Where did we come from?
  4. The basis of misogyny is laid down here in this myth. Eve has a very subsidiary role. She was made out of Adam’s rib. That’s hardly equality. She is also blamed for man’s fall from grace; she tricked Adam into eating the fruit and thus all women are to be forever blamed. That sounds fair doesn’t it? But that fits in with the prevailing misogynistic culture of nomadic Arab society where women were subservient and a commodity to be bartered.

It is quite incredible how far-reaching a primitive creation myth can be. The misogyny of those primitive pre-Abrahamic cultures resounds down the ages. It contributes to the whole disgusting business of female genital mutilation and whole cultures putting their women in sacks and treating them like dogs.


It’s the same as before life. Somehow the universe got on without me for 13.77 billion years, give or take a minute or so. I’m sure that it will manage without me for a few billion more.

It will be a great shame not to be able to open my eyes on to all this awesome beauty.

Best appreciate it while we can. It only lasts a short while and then it’s gone.

Nothing gold can last!

So, I will not be meeting up with my dead friends and relatives. I will not be coming back as an earwig. I will not have beautiful handmaidens dropping grapes in my mouth by the side of nice cool fountains. I will not be singing in any ethereal choirs.

The idea of an after-life was made up by people long ago because they couldn’t imagine themselves not existing anymore.

I can. But then I can’t. As a conscious human being I find it quite hard to believe that this life is all pointless, that it is an exceedingly wonderful accident of chemistry, and that one day soon I will cease to exist. Surely I’m much too important for that to be the case?

Instead of waking up with a bevy of virgins my brain will cease firing electricity down neurones. My consciousness will dissolve. I will be unaware as the bacteria and worms dissolve my flesh. I won’t care at all.

There will be no tunnels of light, choirs of angels, gates and cherubs, no men in long robes. No ice cream. No music. No sex (no wonder puritans like the idea).

I will no longer be aware of anything. Nothing will exist for me. The universe will slowly run down due to natural entropy and I won’t be around to see it. That’s a shame.

No amount of wishful thinking will make it any different. We’d best grow up and get on with it.

There is no wondrous purpose or anthropomorphised vision of paradise and heaven; we die.

After life there is merely rotting and oblivion.

Never mind.

But wasn’t all that stuff about eternal ecstasy (or grotesque torture for the bad guys), meeting up with loved ones and living forever so reassuring and great. Shame that the bad guys took it over and used it as a power tool to get people to conform and put up with lousy conditions (they’ll be pie and ice-cream in the sky), to fight and blow themselves up in the certain knowledge of eternal life – oh, and no hanky panky (except for them) got it?

Age of Enlightenment/Age of Reason

The Death of Theocracy.

A lot was at stake and far fewer were burnt at stake.

This is simply the most important thing that has ever happened. It began as a philosophical movement in the mid eighteenth century, gathered pace and has changed the whole cultural landscape of the Western World for the better.

The premise for the Age of Reason/Enlightenment was to challenge ideas based on tradition or religion and move to a system based on reason and scientific method. This inevitably took religion out of controlling people and introduced the present secular states where tyrants, despots and conmen were free to either directly set up rigged systems or pervert democracy in order to gain power.

A great improvement. Well, at least people were no longer publically beheaded or buried up to their shoulders and pelted with rocks for blasphemy.

People could at last ask to see photographic evidence of tablets being passed down, burning bushes or audio recordings of conversations with supernatural forces in caves or up on mountain tops without fear of torture.

As soon as religion was taken out of the equation we experienced rapid progress. Science ruled. In contrast those cultures still ruled by religious superstition continued to stagnate.

I do not make the case that everything is hunky-dory. That is far from the case. In many ways the Age of Enlightenment heralded all sorts of moral and social problems that we are still battling to address today. It has unleashed a chaotic state. This needs addressing. Religion gave people structure and purpose even if that was madness and stupidity. Freedom from religion has left many people directionless and aimless with only hedonism to fall back on. I’ve nothing against hedonism but ultimately it is vacuous. What is necessary is for the State to provide purpose and impetus before the fanatics of religion rise up to fill that hole. Nature and creativity are good for that.

Without religion there is still plenty to marvel and wonder at. Life can be full and satisfying.

Politicians have so far not been particularly inspiring in this direction. They had better get their act together. The alternative could be religious oppression and back to the scourge of misogynistic conservatism stifling thought and expression – the thought of that is dire.

However the writers, artists, poets, dancers, musicians and other creative folk have been doing a great job in making life worthwhile and filling the hole religion used to occupy. Long may they continue!


An agnostic is someone who has realised that the whole concept of god and religion is utter bollocks but is still psychologically unable to completely overthrow their childhood, and cultural, indoctrination. They still hope against hope that, despite all common sense, there just might be a god.

They are wishful thinkers who want to hedge their bests.

They have got over the fact that Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy and Pixies do not really exist. They have, despite a residual liking of Tolkien, also accepted that Goblins, Hobbits, Orcs and Dragons are fanciful creations of human imagination.

They none the less are a little open to ghost stories and a yearning for a possible purpose to their life and the comfort of an after-life. They sort of believe that magic might be real. They doubt that there is a heaven and are not prepared to fly planes into buildings, strap on bombs or fight for Jesus, in the hope of waking up in eternal bliss or endless sex with twenty-four virgins, but they are hopeful.

They’re a bit weak and sad really.

Perhaps they’ll make their mind up one day?


This is the search for the Philosopher’s stone that can turn base metal into gold and the hunt for the elixir of life that will give you everlasting life (there’s quite a few politicians and businessmen/women that I hope don’t get their hands on this.).

I’m not sure I’d appreciate everlasting life. Just imagine sitting on the planet when the sun expands into a red giant and envelops us. That might not be too pleasant. I doubt you’d live through even if you had the elixir.

I’m not sure I’d want to be there billions of years in the future when the universe is running down to darkness with just hydrogen and heat dissipated to next to nothing. You’d be left sitting around in the frigid darkness with no ice-cream parlours, gigs, books or cinemas. That’d be boring.

I bet even sex gets tedious after the first billion years.

Now we know about atoms I’m sure at some time we’ll be able to manipulate them to create different elements. It won’t be alchemy. It will be science.

But then science came out of alchemy.

It is another fanciful dream. It even beguiled as good a mind as Newton’s. Just goes to show how gullible we are.

I wouldn’t mind living fit and healthy for a few hundred years. That’d give me time to fit everything in. But that’s it. I think I would have had enough. Science will solve that and give us a span of a few hundred years to look forward to, if the religious nutters don’t wipe us out first.

As for alchemy, well – it is just another red herring in the litany of wishful thinking.

Aleister Crowley

Aleister Crowley was an occultist who also went under the names of Frater Perdurabo and The Great Beast 666. He was the founding father of Thelemite philosophy and at one time was described by the Press as ‘The wickedest man in the world’.

I think Vlad the Impaler, who liked shoving people down on big spikes that stuck up their anus, or Pol Pot, Hitler or even Stalin and Mao, might have something to say about that. Compared to them Crowley was a pussy cat. He merely spouted a lot of mumbo-jumbo and scared the shit out of the religious minded people who do not like other people’s mumbo-jumbo.

Aleister was born in 1875 and rebelled against the current stodgy religious thinking. He was a showman who did a lot of stuff to shock the bourgeoisie but came to see himself as a prophet who was ushering in the new Aeon of Horus. Perhaps it was his drug taking that put them off him? He was a libertine and his motto was ‘Do what thou wilt’. He would have been happier living in the 1960s.

He was largely seen as a promoter of witchcraft and the study of the black arts. Any allusion to the old pagan British and European religions was thought wicked. That’s due to centuries of persecution and terror driven propaganda put out by the prevailing christian church. Aleister was probably attracted to the naughty sacrilegious overtones and the effect it had on the religious believers. It also attracted in a host of nubile acolytes who probably made his days (and nights) quite similar to the muslims view of the after-life. Like Charlie Manson he had a great time.

Aleister loved the power and notoriety it gave him. He may even have deluded himself into believing it. Obviously not everyone gets it right. We are all the product of our time and place.

Antitheist’s Dictionary: Goodwin, Opher: 9781500821142: Books

The Antitheist’s Dictionary – extract 2


I have written this for antitheists and atheists to have a laugh at the absurdity of religion.

This is a Dictionary of Religious words explained by an antitheist. If you are easily offended by someone called your deeply held convictions rubbish or have no sense of humour then I would urge you to read no further!

I believe all religions are not only misguided but extremely dangerous.

If you are religious then I sympathise but can assure you that I will attempt to tell you in no uncertain terms why you are wrong and how absurd and vicious your religion is.

If you are open-minded and tolerant enough, or are an atheist or antitheist like myself, then have fun with me baiting the phoniness of religion.

This is the practice of free speech in a free civilised country. I have the right as a free man to say what I like about your religion. That right has been fought for and paid for in blood.

I am not trying to stir up hatred or promote conflict.

May love and peace be with you all, always!

Opher 6.8.2014


An abbot is a father who isn’t a father. He’s the head of a monastery in charge of a bunch of celibate monks – so there’s little chance of him actually becoming a father at all.

Abbots spend their days organising silences, talking with fictitious supernatural beings, sitting around and getting into bad habits.

Despite tales of debauchery with nuns they are not supposed to think about sex or their todgers at all, let alone touch their genitals. Indeed, they have to go to bed wearing boxing gloves.

The Abbot may also organise the brewing of lethal beers and wines. These are in no way to be used for pleasure or intoxication. Mind you, I’m not really quite sure why they do brew the stuff if they are not allowed to enjoy it.


An abbey is the buildings where the monks or nuns live. They are very draughty (not just because of the ale) but that might be because Henry the Eighth had the idea of nicking all their immense wealth they’d accrued from all the poor folk and knocking the walls down. Not a bad idea really. Those ruins look quite nice and still attract in a lot of tourism.

Henry was obviously very forward thinking.


The great Patriarch of the whole Abrahamic religions: judaism, christianity and islam. So the guy’s got a lot to answer for. Without him we might have made a hell of a lot of progress and all be a lot less hung up and much more cheerful. We’d also have a lot less misogyny and better sex lives.

Abraham championed the monotheistic tradition (if you don’t count the christian god as three). This was unusual for the times. There was a lot of pantheism and multiple gods about at the time.

I don’t know which is better.

Abraham was described as having lived to 175 years of age and was another of those people (all men) to whom the super pixie spoke in a vision. Seemingly he was given his new name and told all about the future troubles that were coming.

Abraham had loads of kids, and we know how trying kids can be at times, but that does not justify him dragging Isaac up a mountain and scaring the wits out of him as he built an altar and prepared to slaughter Isaac with his great sharp knife. Fortunately the fairy was only kidding and testing Abraham out and at the last moment, as the knife was poised over his terrified, trussed up son, the superpixie told him it was all a joke. Luckily for Abraham they did not have Social Services back then and, as there were no schools, Isaac had nobody to confide in.

There are other things that seem a bit odd: Abraham, like many of the great patriarchs, lived to a ripe old age. Sarah, his wife, supposedly had kids when she was close to a hundred.

How many of these secret visions are we supposed to take on trust? If the pixie has something to say to us why doesn’t he just come out and say it? Why sneak about in caves, mountain tops and wildernesses speaking to these old guys in private? Why all the burning bushes and tablets of stone?

Don’t you think it’s a little strange that the fairy was sorting all this out back then but doesn’t do it now? Why doesn’t the pixie appear in the superbowl or Man United cup final to make an announcement?

Oh well. So Abraham, an unschooled, nomadic Arab, set the whole thing in motion.

Antitheist’s Dictionary: Goodwin, Opher: 9781500821142: Books

The Antitheist’s Dictionary – Extract 1

The Antitheist’s Dictionary


This book consists of definitions of religious words interpreted by a cynical antitheist. It is humorous, offensive and controversial.

If you are religious and easily offended then I suggest you steer well clear.

If you are not religious (or are of a less sensitive nature to your more serious religious colleagues) then dip in and have a laugh along with me.

However I should warn you; I have a serious intent as well. I view religion as a social menace that should be kept clear of children, schools and the State. I believe history has shown religion to be a major source of evil in the world. I believe it creates war, misogyny, torture, hypocrisy, exploitation, bigotry and hatred. There is little good that ever comes out of it.

I hope all religion withers away naturally. Until then I respect your right to believe in whatever brand of superstition you wish – just as long as you do not try to force it on anyone else!


Fortunately I am extremely open-minded and tolerant as you will see. This book would be terrible if I was the least bit opinionated (he says with irony).

I wanted this book to be fun but pointed. You don’t have to try hard. When it comes to it religious belief is farcical!

Having said that I have no wish to create hatred or cause upset to the deeply religious. They are entitled to their views no matter how absurd I might find them – as long as they are tolerant of others and don’t force their views on anyone (least of all children!).

I want to build a better world, in balance with nature, with equality, peace and freedom. I want a population under control and room for nature. I want purpose, challenges and fulfilment. That seems reasonable to me. We have the intelligence to create a fair world free of racism, sexism and injustice. It’s not beyond our wit.

It seems to me that the first stage is to jettison the superstitious and religious nonsense that has stultified progress for millennia. We are grown up now. We should leave the fairy tales back in the nursery. They have messed up our psyche long enough.

Furthermore, I am tired of being restricted, threatened and dictated to by religious nutcases peddling mediaeval garbage. I consider that what they trade in is dangerous, harmful and evil.

I believe that over the course of history religion has preyed on people’s gullibility and vulnerability to set up tyrannical dictatorships where those in charge are elevated in status, wealth and power.

I did not write this book out of viciousness, merely out of anger and despair. I do not wish harm on anyone. I did not write this to create disharmony but rather to shed light on the darkness of religious belief so that we may see it for what it is.

I would like to see religion replaced with individual freedom and a celebration of both our life and this wondrous universe we so briefly inhabit. I salute a future based on science, logic and liberty.

When we’ve got rid of all that religion represents we can turn our attention to sorting out some political situations that will solve the world’s problems.

I want to see a world free of poverty, war, hatred, inequality, racism, sexism and disease. I want a planet where nature can also flourish.

I believe we have the power to achieve that if we put our mind to it. I’m a helpless optimist.

May we all shine and be honoured.


PS – What I have written is the truth as I see it. I did not set out to offend or show disrespect – but, of course, inevitably I have.

To put it in context – I am constantly offended by religious people, their thoughts, the social restrictions they impose on us along with all and their vicious intolerance. They infuriate me.

BTW – if I have inadvertently missed out any religious group or practice or given too much attention to a particular cult then please let me know. I will do my best to address the omission or emphasis.

PPS – I cannot be accused of blasphemy! That is not possible!

Antitheist’s Dictionary: Goodwin, Opher: 9781500821142: Books

Available in paperback, digital and hard back – new and old testament!

The Antitheist’s Dictionary – New and Improved! – Now Available in Hardback, Paperback or Digital! Shock yourself!


Posted on  by Opher

Yes!! I have rewritten the Antitheist’s Dictionary! It is now funnier, more cynical, more offensive, more sacrilegious, more abusive and will at time have you in stitches and at others make you gasp. Religious satire at its best.

It’s available in all its glory from Amazon! Grab yours before it’s banned!

Share this:

Featured Book – The Antitheist’s Dictionary – Pt. 9


Creationism is a complete insult to the intelligence.

Only out of America with its religious fanaticism, indoctrination, poor standards of education and levels of arrogance and guilt could such a perverse stupidity arise.

Contrary to all the scientific evidence of the fossil record, carbon dating, genetics, astronomy, geology and biology they persist in saying that they world was created in seven days and is only 100,000 years old. They also believe that the whole universe was created at the same time (but we are the only important bit – he made it all for us!). I know! Nuts! Some even base the age of the Earth on the reported ages of people in the bible. Evolution didn’t happen. God put all the fossils in the rocks and created everything at the same time. Men and women walked with dinosaurs. People were made in god’s image and so are perfect (I don’t know what went wrong when he put my body together!). The ideas are so absurd they’d make you laugh out loud if it wasn’t taken so seriously. Only in America could a bunch of ignorant, sometimes intelligent but highly blinkered, fools persist with such a stupid idea.

The worst aspect of it is that they want to officially put it in schools and brain-wash kids with it. It is monstrous. This Tory government has ridiculously allowed the insane creationists to set up Free Schools and Academies over in this country where they can set about indoctrinating our children.

The worst thing of all is that some of these twerps are exceedingly rich and they are after setting up schools all over the planet to snare young kids.

The UN should set up a law preventing stupidities like this. It should be covered under human rights legislation. It’s child abuse.

Creationism is disgusting, an insult to intelligence. I’m with Christopher Hitchins who commented on the evangelist TV nutcase Jerry Falwell and said: ‘If you gave him a big enough enema you could fit him in a matchbox.’.


 Jesus was killed on a cross. That’s why Christians go around with crosses around their necks. George Carlin that it was lucky he wasn’t executed in an electric chair.

That cross that Jesus was murdered on was then considered a relic. Supposedly it was chopped up and bits sold. Though how anybody identified which was the original cross so long after Jesus’ death is a complete mystery. However, these relics were very popular in the Dark Ages. They were sold by the Church for huge profit. At one time there were enough relics of the original cross to have reconstituted a hundred crosses.

The church is never slow when it comes to making a buck or two.

Being crucified is a nasty death but there are a lot worse. Being slowly tortured for weeks on end or slowly burnt alive must have made the eyes water. Impalement can’t have been pleasant and stoning is pretty horrific. ISIS, a different bunch of religious fanatics, thought up so pretty nasty tortures and deaths for the unbelievers to satisfy their blood-thirsty god.

The Catholic Church invented some horrendously painful deaths for supposed heretics. Putting hosepipes down your throat to fill your intestines with water and then rolling a heavy log over your abdomen to rupture all your bowels was supposed to have been pretty dreadful and gruesome. Being hung from rafters in cathedrals with weights pulling your joints apart and suddenly dropped to dislocate all your joints, wheels, red-hot pokers, pliers and knives were all tools of the religious trade. Confess and repent and we’ll let you die.

Back in the old days, when they regularly burnt people for believing the wrong thing they would try and drag it out for fun. They found if they didn’t use as much wood or the wind was blowing in the wrong direction they could get a lot more shrieking for their money. How the faithful loved it!

We are extremely lucky that it was a cross that Jesus died on. Things could have been a lot worse. It was relatively quick. I wonder if christians would be going around with Jesus with a big spike stuck up his arse on a chain around their necks if Vlad had got hold of him?


The crucifix is a symbol of insanity. It is worn by devotees of a minor jewish cult leader who, like hundreds of thousands of others, was executed in a fairly unexceptional manner for that time. Crucifixion was a very common. You could reuse the wood. It just cost you a few nails and the public loved it.

Like all other religious symbols it should be banned in the work place as with any other form of advertising. Whether it’s crucifixes, sacks, daggers, turbans or fat smiley Buddha ear-rings they are symbols of a sickness that is best left to personal choice not public display.


Perhaps that should be spelt cruci fiction. But no – it was real.

It was a favourite past-time of human beings. They liked nothing better than devising more and more cruel ways of killing people; the more slow and painful the better. Religions have been right at the forefront of this technological innovation. In that respect crucifixion is one of the less gruesome.

It is quite probable that Jesus, like millions of others, was subject to this torturing death. The only mystery is what makes this so special? Millions were tortured to death for public entertainment.

Nowadays we laugh at the old stocks and joke about cabbages and rotten tomatoes. That is far from the truth. Not too many people survived the stocks. People were free to do anything to them and did. Fists, boots, cudgels, rocks – you name it. It was little different to the primitive, and still present day, barbaric sharia law of stoning women to death.

I would not have wanted to die by crucifixion. It wasn’t pleasant. Neither would I have much enjoyed being slowly grilled, have molten lead poured down my throat, red hot pokers up my arse, be torn apart by dogs, ripped to pieces by horses, or slowly pressed under a board on which rocks were slowly added day after day until the life was squashed out of me. Though if I had a choice I think I’d try and avoid impalement. Vlad was meant to be good at this. The art was to slowly lower someone on a great long pointy thing so it went up his arse. You then eased him down and down until the point came out his mouth. The art was to avoid any vital organs and blood vessels so that your victim remained alive, in agony for a long time.

Crucifixion was more of a doddle.

Pain and cruelty has long been the entertainment for the masses. They’d take the family out on Sunday for a day at the bear pit to watch wild animals being ripped apart, then off for a good burning, hanging or to poke the pirate in the metal cage. Religion was right up there at the forefront of the entertainment business. Dealing with heretics and blasphemers was fun.


A Crusade is an excuse to go and slaughter, rape and pillage in god’s name i.e. in the name of a fictitious tooth fairy.

It was the legitimisation of great crimes. The general excuse put forward was to try to wrest the holy land back from the barbaric heathens.

The slaughter, rape and pillaging of people who did not share your own beliefs about the fairy was sanctioned by the church. People who do not believe the same as you are evil. They need exterminating until they do believe in the correct version. Rape, torture and murder were not merely sanctioned, they were mandated. The heathens had to be taught a lesson.

Crystal Balls

Yep. Those things the gypsies peer in to see your future when you cross their palm with silver. Seemingly they see even better and further when you cross their palm with gold. I think that’s the key to it. We’re talking about another commercial exercise.

It’s another con trick; a means of taking money off the gullible punters. When those gypsies are peering into the milky depths of the crystal ball all they are seeing in the misty future is the amount of money they’ll have in their pockets when they leave. I suppose, in a way, that is seeing into the future.


Another new age pile of junk. Crystals are very aesthetically pleasing but they don’t have healing auras. That’s nonsense. They are an alignment of atoms to form lovely shapes that are pleasing to the eye. Humans like that sort of thing. They are aesthetically decorous.

The simple step was to then attribute powerful mystical forces to the aesthetically pleasing. The gullible went for it.

This is in the same league as grinding up rhino horn (a keratin based product of the same chemical nature as hair and finger nails) in the mistaken belief that it can cure impotency. Horns are hard, right?

There is no end to the stupidity of people.


The difference between a cult and a religion is purely one of numbers. All religions start as cults. It is a fairly recent sociological term used mainly to describe small groups that spring up using different rituals to mainstream groups.

For some reason all established religions (the big cults (should that be an L or should it be an N?)) take exception to anyone wanting to do stuff differently. They see all members of other cults as heretics and want to burn them.

Anybody can come up with a nutty idea and sell it to a few people so that they become a cult and over time many of these have – hence we have things like the Mormons, Amish, Scientologists, Plymouth Brethren and Jehovah’s Witnesses.

The new brand of militant islam is a new cult and very popular because of its anti-secular, anti-western rhetoric and stated aim to take over the world and impose its views on all of us. It provides certainty and identity which confused young men find very reassuring. That excites people – particularly if it is violent, risky and full of foolhardy enterprise. They can also go out and kill and rape with impunity. It’s sanctioned. Young men, full of testosterone and adrenaline love a good violent spree with unlimited sex thrown in. And if it goes wrong you end up in paradise having sex with twenty four virgins for eternity. Young men are not rational. Cults exploit them.

People crave to be part of a family or one of the few who see the truth. They are easily taken in by charismatic people which is precisely how Jim Jones, Charles Manson, Osama Bin Laden and David Koresh proved so popular. They sold a vision to their followers and they fell for it hook, line and sinker. It got all the young attractive girls in bed doing god’s will (seemingly sex is evil but not if it is with a cult leader!) or feeding cyanide to their children or flying planes full of innocent children into office blocks full of innocent people.

Cults are powerful psychological tools. They become even worse when the cults expand into religions.

A cult is similar to a Sect. I particularly like the Downliners Sect. That’s the only cult I’d follow.


A curse is a vehement wish that something nasty will happen to someone. A lot of people are frightened by curses. Some people even go to witches or voodoo queens to intensify the curse. Seemingly witches and voodoo priestesses do it better. They are the professionals. They have the power.

Unfortunately this does not seem to be true. No matter how much they cursed and stuck pins into models of Maggie Thatcher she refused to succumb. Even so some people still believe there are some paranormal powers they can invoke. This is not true. We cannot alter the universe with words and mental power no matter how hard we try. If we could I would put a curse on all religion and put an end to the whole stupidity. Whole cultures have been paralysed by the fear of curses. Africa is still being held back by this superstitious nonsense. Haiti is another. There are no evil spirits. Witchdoctors cannot put a hex on you.

This is nonsense. It should stop. It’s as if the whole of humanity is cursed! Hey, maybe there is something in this cursing?


This is what happens to you when you commit major sins like believing in the wrong pixie. You get damned for eternity and that’s a long sentence.

When you die the demons come and grab your soul and drag it underground. They then fiendishly start tormenting and torturing you for ever. Their activities are not even disturbed by such things as the excavation of the channel tunnel or drilling for oil.

This might sound a little harsh but you probably deserved it. Perhaps you got your hair cut wrong, ate pork or occasionally thought about naked women or men. Who knows? There was definitely something you didn’t get quite right.

It is quite possible that the only people who will be allowed into heaven will be that little sect of jews who have the Old Testament strapped to their foreheads because it says in the Old Testament that you should keep the word of god before you at all times.

Perhaps that’s the only one that’s correct.

I’m certainly damned. But what the hell!

Ho Hum – think I’m worried?

Dark ages

When did the Dark Ages End? The historian AJP Taylor said that we’re still living them. They will end when we finally free ourselves of superstition and religious indoctrination. That may take some while.


Death is something you can get to wishing for after having to listen to the inanities of various religious fanatics.

Some islamic idiot declared that the difference between islam and the West was that we believed in life and they believed in death. In other words their real life does not start until after death.

You cannot argue with anyone who believes something as stupid as that. There is no point of contact. We are back to the Paradise of twenty four virgins and the beautiful fountains.

It isn’t merely sad – it is extremely worrying that many people, in this day and age, actually believe that garbage. Christians, muslims and jews all looking forward to blissful life in some after-death paradise. We’ve had a myriad of examples – Valhalla, Elysium, Paradise, Heaven, Shangri-la, Arcadia, Camelot… Every culture has its version. Some wonderful place you go to if you obey all the rules or are martyred. (The alternative being eternal torment in hell) That is extremely dangerous. There is no such place. In actual fact death is what happens when your cellular chemistry shuts down. They used to think it was when the heart stops beating and you stopped breathing. That is not quite the case. That is merely an indicator. Death is when your thinking organ – the brain – stops functioning. That is death. Your consciousness dissolves, you cease to exist and no longer have any awareness of the wondrous universe we so briefly inhabit.

Death happens in stages. Your most oxygen needy tissues shut down first such as the brain, while the less oxygen needy tissues take a lot longer. Skin for instance can stay alive for days after you stop breathing. Hence you have to shave corpses.

Despite all the stories of people coming back from near death experiences and reporting tunnels of light (probably due to the peripheral shut down of the brain in response to oxygen starvation) there is no evidence of any life after death. When you think about it there would really be a strange existence if all these spirits were wandering around fucking virgins and drinking from fountains forever, or singing in choirs of angels in praise of the Pixie. The thrill would eventually wane. Give it a few million years or so.

There is a lot for science to find out about death. Life after it is not one of them.

Death is the final frontier. It’s when your consciousness ceases forever, you cease to exist as a personality and you say your last goodbye to the universe. People find the concept of them ceasing to exist hard to come to terms with. It’s terrifying. But not necessarily.

Even after a mere lifetime that is long enough for a lot of people. They end up welcoming it. They’ve had enough.

Besides, it would take all the fun away. What’s the point of all those dare-devil kids doing all those death-defying stunts in order to impress the girls and get laid if, when it goes wrong, they end up getting fucked forever by twenty four virgins who are obviously capable of re-growing their hymens to order.

Flouting death gives life spice.

Death is final.


Deities are supernatural beings who are immortal. Many of them have human type forms and go around doing human type activities on a whole different level. Some do not have any tangible body. They are spirits.

The deities are gods with unique and great superhuman powers – a bit like Superman or Spiderman but not like Batman. Batman has no real super powers.

Whatever their powers they were believed in and worshipped by human beings with minds just like ours. That is the most incredible thing about them. Gods behave like us because they were created by us.

Déjà vu

I think I may have already done this one.

We have no past lives. We have never been here before. This is just the way your mind plays tricks with you.

The exception to this is television.

The Antitheist’s Dictionary – New and Improved!

Yes!! I have rewritten the Antitheist’s Dictionary! It is now funnier, more cynical, more offensive, more sacrilegious, more abusive and will at time have you in stitches and at others make you gasp. Religious satire at its best.

It’s available in all its glory from Amazon! Grab yours before it’s banned!