The Big Day Fantasy.

The Big Day Fantasy.


It was only yesterday morning when it began. I had recorded the Andrew Marr show and was watching Johnson squirm and bluster. He was trying to say that he was not responsible for the abominable Tory record.

He was lying.

There were the cuts to the NHS, education and police, the shutting of libraries, youth services and courts, the cuts to prison services, social services and armed forces.

Johnson was denying that it was anything to do with him.

Knife crime, gangs, county lines – all nothing to do with him.

Rough sleepers, food banks, the zero hours trap, the housing crisis, homelessness – not due to Tory policy at all.

Gross inequality as the Tories slashed corporation tax and cut taxes for the wealthy. The failure to plug the tax loopholes so that Britain’s wealth was siphoned off to the Cayman Islands.

It was all nothing to do with the Tories.

Just get Brexit out the way and it would all be rosy!

Well I was shouting at the TV!

The propaganda machine was in full flow – drip drip dripping Tory lies via the tabloids and even the BBC. They were somehow blaming it all on the Labour Party and deflecting it on to the EU. Jeremy Corbyn was a Marxist monster who would break the country!

‘BREAK THE COUNTRY!!!’ I shouted. I was furious. ‘The bloody Tories have already broken the country!’

The whole three years of Brexit fiasco was a Tory mess. They had orchestrated it and dug us into this hole – and now they were getting away with it! It has already cost us countless billions!

Well I was incensed. That’s when the wife walked in. She coolly looked at me and shook her head.

‘You’ll give yourself a heart attack,’ she commented dryly. ‘If you think you can do better, get involved.’

So I did. There was a local meeting of the Labour Party later that morning. I stormed down and told them exactly what they should do.

I spoke of fairness, justice, blocking tax loopholes, a graduated tax, a fair living wage, housing, funding for the NHS, schools, police, armed forces, social services and caring for the needy, of the environment, nature and putting right climate change. I spoke of AI and the three day week, of care for the elderly, of taxing bonuses, of a new bank, investment, infrastructure and renewable energy. I told them how I would ban the tabloid press, get all the Tories off the board of the BBC and transform society. We could all be prosperous! We had to make people realise that politics does make a huge difference to their lives!

I spoke with passion! I spoke the truth!

Well they all watched with open mouths.

Before I knew it they had adopted me as their candidate, found a loophole to get me on to the ballot paper and I was official.

Then Bill took his phone out and spoke to head office. A helicopter shuttled me down to London. They had a meeting of the shadow cabinet and I repeated my performance!

Well you could have heard a pin drop. Before I could say ‘Lying Johnson’ Jeremy had stepped down and I was unanimously elected leader.

I was ushered into the studios and was out there live; in front of the nation. Well I did not hold back. I went for it. I was on fire. I tore to pieces the pathetic Tory record.

I laid out a plan for a fair society in which everyone would prosper and I told them exactly how I would do it.

At the end of it the whole studio was in uproar – people cheering and going wild. You would have thought we had won a world war.

Well perhaps we had!

The polls went berserk! Suddenly everything was turned on its head. The whole country rose up! Even the bankers! They could see that it made sense!

A YouGov poll showed Labour on 99%! The Tories slithered away back to their country estates to try to stash their loot in suitcases and get out of the country quick but the mobs stopped them and they were paraded through the streets as examples of the lying gits they were!

It was the dawn of a new age of fairness and prosperity for all!

When the wife caught up with me the reality hit home. She looked at me – you know – the ‘What have you done now’ eyes.

‘Now why had I done that?’

All I had really wanted was time with the family, time to read and travel, write and take photos. There wasn’t much chance of that now.

After just one day the socialist revolution was already sweeping the globe.

The big day was looming! The election was tomorrow. Tory ideology of elitist control, unrestricted capitalism and gross inequality had been exposed as a giant con trick and ousted forever!

The populists were on the run.

Change was coming…………

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