When I was a young lad still at school I was developing my philosophy. What did I want out of life?
I’d look at my parents life and it seemed empty and devoid of meaning and purpose. They lived a humdrum life without many friends, a set routine and put their energy into family and work.
I felt that I wanted something more but I did not know what.
I looked at what was on offer:
- Get a career, get married, have kids, earn money, buy a house, car and fit in. If you were highly successful you could own more, get a better car, bigger house and holidays abroad. If you were mega successful you could get a mansion, yacht and sports car.
- Become famous, wealthy and a celebrity.
Both options were lives that seemed as empty and devoid of interest as that of my parents. I didn’t want to fit in. I wanted something more substantial. I did not think that dream of chasing the money or celebrity was going to make me happy.
So I set about deciding my own philosophy.
- I believed I did not require money in order to be happy and fulfilled. I wanted fun, meaning, creativity and wisdom.
I saw my life as a journey, an exploration and a quest. I was hunting for the things that meant something to me, that brought me to life and gave me purpose and meaning. I discovered friendship, love, music, reading, travel, poetry, writing, education, art, nature, animals, sex, drugs and spirituality (not to be confused with religion).
It seemed to me that life was all about getting the richness and balance. It was easy to get caught up in one thing to the detriment of your life. In my life I’ve seen many people who are victims of sex, drugs, alcohol or avarice; people who retreat from the world into careers or retreats and do not have time to live.
Altruism and doing positive things for others seemed to make people contented and fulfilled.
Variety is the spice of life; getting the balance right is the essence. Fun on its own is shallow. Drugs and alcohol are poisons. Sex is an addiction. Religion can be a mind numbing experience. Greed is always destructive. A life full of adventure, creativity, travel and friendship is a life well lived. Music rocks the spirit and soothes the inner being. Education stimulates the mind. Love is the greatest experience in the universe (even if it is only endorphins).
Everything has its place. Too much of any one thing is dangerous to life.
Fulfilment is the goal.
I’m glad I set out on my quest. I’m still on it. I’m not yet replete – still too much to do, discover and enjoy! I’m not sated yet!
It all sounds so wonderful, free and easy to do, but although so many (including myself) had dreams of doing all you were able to do, it was not so easy. No criticism of you, but it sounds as though you had the parents who were happy for you to experience all life at the time had to offer (better then than now). Not all of us had those kind of parents who would “let go” let alone be happy if you made your own decisions. Yes, those of us that towed the lines were utter fools (I refer to myself) and live to this day with regrets, which I know are a waste of time but feelings of
frustration play more on the mind as one gets older. You lived as you wanted to, you experienced all you wished, good luck to you. What I needed was a “kick in the arse” from someone to get out there, it did not happen and here we are left with……………
I was a pretty wild, strong willed, rebellious teenager. I don’t think I would have listened to anyone. I selected my role-models for myself, was nuts about Rock Music and Blues and was living in London during the sixties. I was lucky to have parents who were liberal and loving. They had to put up with a lot but always supported me. They never tried to indoctrinate me and encouraged my passions and interests. It was a good base to explore from. Life has been good to me. I’ve lived it to the full with few regrets.
Opher you were indeed lucky to have had such parents who encouraged you to live the life you have enjoyed. Mine were older, Southern Irish and strong Catholic, plus my mother lost the Son she so wanted then I arrived a second daughter and she took it out on me, I still have the scars both physically and mentally. I keep telling my Sons to get out there and live but they tell me to leave them alone they are happy as they are. I blame myself too for providing them with a father who was 30 years older than me, “the bird wanted to escape the cage, I did then went into another one”. Great parents you had.
Yeah I know – great parents indeed – in lots of ways! They always wanted the best for me. We had great rows about my hair and attitudes but they were always there and gave me freedom. They let me hitch-hike round France for the Summer when I was fourteen!
I sounds like you had a much more difficult time. But regrets are negative – try to love what you’ve got now! You can make this moment as good as it can possibly be! That’s all we have! Love, create, assist, give, explore and do all you can with every minute! That’s life. It’s never too late!
I like your life. Mine has been pretty great too. No regrets. Maybe one or two things I would have done differently, when I look back. I hurt a couple of people – not on purpose, just my own process. My life has been very full and rewarding. I am content now to be fairly quiet, but still love every moment.
I think it was a good time to be alive! Still enjoying it greatly with plenty of love, challenges, hopes and creativity. What more could anyone ask for? I’m glad you feel the same. I guess we all hurt people unintentionally just by the way we live. I don’t think we can avoid that – as long as we don’t go out of our way to be intolerant bastards!
Life well and make it better!!
To be honest Opher, I choked on my coffee reading this. I could offer 1001 contradictions. When boiling it down to it’s core, the only reason you had this freedom of thought and expression is because you were extremely lucky enough to have been born and raised in the UK. Whilst many of us (myself included) are quite good at the armchair philosophy of slagging UK off, in truth we are very, very lucky buggers. If we fall on our arses through our own stupid/naïve volition, we can run back to mother’s and/or claim the dole. We needn’t worry about where our next meal is coming from – as is the reality of day to day life for about 3/4’s of this world.
What I can’t quite come to terms with is how you arrived at the onset of your adult life with such a vacuous and wanton lack of respect for family life and all that your parents did for you. What would you have preferred – chaos?, lack of care?, I very much doubt that. You knew you had that tight ship to fall back on come the inevitable.
With regards to the philosophy of not needing money – what utter hippy BS!
When I left school, I too hated the idea of career and all that goes with it. But I fully understood that without such, you ain’t goin’ anywhere boy, nor are you going to have very much fun for any length of time. That length of time aspect worried me a lot, so I knuckled down and made sacrifices that I could see my less adventurous/advantaged friends were not making. I didn’t want to end up on wages doing repetition and boring myself into an early grave. Eventually after about 12 years I was in control of my career. I decided whom I would strive to work with, where that location would be and how much they would reasonably have to pay me. I worked my nuts off and the demand on my time was ridiculous. But I was incapable of doing a 9-5 job. I tried it for 18 months when I was around 30 and did not enjoy it at all. I remember going home at 5.30 saying “is that it?, is this all they want from me? I was completely unable to understand those others that I knew whom were always complaining about how much work they had on, and they didn’t have any compared to what I was already used to. I strived for loads of stuff to do, whilst they seemed to shy away from it. Maybe they were just not very good at what they did. I left that personal misery and went head first back into what I loved doing – but on my terms. I was able to fall back out of line aged 50 – no more people to answer to etc.
Had I not done that, I’d be like most folk – hanging on until that tap on the shoulder and the gold watch – thanks pal, but you’re now 65 – please bugger off. That was as an intolerable concept at aged 18 as it is today at 56.
But I was a bit of a rebel, too. I hated corporate minded people who tried to control me. I hated most of my bosses. I loved a few of them – they were brilliant people and showed me the best way to be the best one could be. I absolutely hated anybody connected with personnel management (sorry, Human Resources) and would openly deride them at head-to-head career path periodic reviews (the bloody cheek of these wankers judging me) with comments like “find me a personnel manager that ever made money for this company and I’ll drop my trousers in public”. Or in answer to their tried and tested(ing) question – “where do you see yourself in 5 years time” – easily answered with “not sitting here in front of you”.
Later, I had all too often big personal struggles with myself when one of these personnel bods would report to me with “I’ll have to fire Johnny, he’s been caught smoking drugs”. I’d always ask them the question – “were you ever 18 yourself, you ever smoked a joint?” I’d have to resign myself to their train of action, but never gave them opportunity to enjoy such pathetic deeds. Another 18 years old victim of the straight and narrow warped mind set as she sups on her G&T in the bar at 5.01pm. Funny how my budget allowance for freebies for some departments was probably at an all time low. Revenge is sweet and best served chilled. I miss these people like a hole in the head.
But you’re right – it’s all about balance or at least what works for oneself. There’s no equation or easy answer. In order to gain something, you’ve got to lose something else. And I think that’s the reason why a lot of people change their career path around the 40 mark. It’s not a mid-life crisis at all or any of that twaddle, it’s a cry for something new and different – geezers need excitement, right?
Hi Andy – Thanks for all that. There’s a lot to take in and respond to.
Yep – we don’t know what we’ve got til it’s gone – I took my parents for granted and never, at the time appreciated the brilliance of my upbringing. It was superb. The freedoms were immense. Likewise the freedoms of living in Britain. We might slag it off but it is great. The freedoms and support it provides are the result of centuries of thought, philosophy and social struggle. We should be immensely grateful. Complacency is out of order.
What I rebelled against was that class-ridden, capitalist system and the humdrum, boring, mind-numbing nie to five.
No I didn’t want that pursuit of money. That isn’t to say that I didn’t need some money – I wasn’t into doing without money. But money wasn’t an end in itself. That wasn’t the aim. I was happy with less and a life. I was fortunate to discover a career in teaching and loved it. It was hard work but immensely rewarding. I’m glad I found it and flourished in it because of my passion for it. It was hard work, long hours but it’s not work if you’re enjoying yourself.
My rebellion was also about ensuring that I had a life for myself and there was time for friends, gigs, fun, creativity and exploration. It wasn’t all work and home.
Life is compromise – right! But you can do it on your own terms.
Looking back I’m pretty pleased with the balance I achieved. It’s been good and still is.
Good to hear from you!
Yup, as youths we are selfish little know-all devils, so care-free and take way too much for granted. The whole world revolves around us. I’d scoff at my dad’s stories of scarcity during the war as I’d leave half my dinner uneaten in a rush to be off with friends. I’ve gradually come around to exactly his point.
I’m only about half a generation behind you, that’s nothing at all, and I had exactly the same attitudes. Even the thought of a shirt ‘n tie was stomach cramping. I really didn’t know I was born, with super loving parents and a lovely clean home in a beautiful environment with all the countryside at my doorstep. I look back at my attitude with utter disdain at my ungratefulness and naivety, although I did hate mowing that front lawn with the old man at the window pointing instruction on straight lines. It was all part of his “doing a proper job” philosophy that just wasn’t on my radar back then. Mind you, Led Zeppelin’s latest album was never on his either! “You want money to buy that prancing poodle poofter” was his stock reply to my sonic deficits. Both David Bowie and Roxy Music were beyond his comprehension. He never switched off from his work (physics mechanics stuff I could never do) but he sneakily instilled that doing a good job ethos and the qualities of leadership within me. Likewise yourself, I would doubt very much if you were able to completely shut off from it come your days end. Otherwise we’d never have got further than the starting line. I still bump into a few people from back then that never left that starting line and am always left wondering how anyone can be so complacent and disinterested in what’s out there. I silently cringe at some friends whom seem determined to mould their children (if 18-19 can be termed as such) into carbon replica’s of their non-achieving selves. They think a social life up at the golf course is something to be desired. Gawd, how I hate clubs and clubby-type people. Wild horses couldn’t drag me.
I’ve said enough as the capitalist devil in me is making strong suggestion that I make haste up to the local record shop for some careless and wanton freedom of expression. And nothing can stop me!
Cheers
Well buy something good! North Mississippi Allstars sound good to my ears! Geezers certainly crave excitement!
By the way – did you see that under Rock Music and in my blogs I’ve been doing ‘recommended albums’ a la your suggestion! Looking forward to your inputs!
“Life is a journey, not a destination.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’d say you’ve stumbled (probably literally in your case! 😀 ) onto the truth. As to the endorphins, did you know if you stand in the shower and let the hot water hit you at the base of your neck your body will release the same endorphins it does when someone gives you a hug? Fascinating, eh?
Too true! I’ll try experimenting with the shower! I could do with a few more endorphins!
Well here you go! {{{Opher}}}
Thanks Cheryl!!
Yes I did, but I’ll have to confer with your mega listing to avoid duplication as our tastes converge quite frequently.
As do all people with inherent good taste!
Reblogged this on Opher's World and commented:
Still journeying.
Success is in the journey, not the destination. Great post!
And what a journey it is!
Indeed!
I love this too much. Do you feel that once you set out to discover your way following your own philosophy things started to fall into place? Meaning – did the things you were looking for find you?
I think they did Teresa. Or were they always there and I just noticed them?
Your words really struck a chord with me. Don’t get löst – I’m surf you neuer will.
Cheers Matt – I do my best.
Great life philosophy, Opher. I too was fortunate to have parents that taught important lessons in life. Funny, the things you didn’t really want as a youth were the things I craved the most: wife, kids, house, and a meaningful career – and for me, that was a career in education. I was never an adventurous person – still not that way, but I’m content with my journey thus far.
We grow up don’t we? But I’m glad I had that more adventurous side too. It has led me to try so many things, to travel, meet people and enjoy life. I try and fill my days with meaning, creativity and purpose.