‘Gadzooks, fish-hooks, shitehawks and heavens to Murgatroyd, it’s a fine mess you’ve got us into this time Dominic.’
Dominic glowered and shook his head, raising his eyes to the heavens.
‘The blighters are baying for my blood. They want the A-Level grades altering.’
‘Cripes Dominic, nimis gravis supellectilem. They want my guts for garters.’
‘Calm down. And stop coming out with all that crap Latin you learnt at college. It’s really irritating.’
‘But what can I bally-well tell the buggers?’
Dominic shook his head. ‘For heaven’s sake, don’t tell them anything. Every time you open your mouth you put your foot in it. Just keep your head down and let Gavin take the blame. If necessary we’ll dump him. I’ll give you a couple of slogans. Stick to the autocue. Don’t deviate.’
‘Can’t I tell the stinkers that we’re going to go back to the teachers’ assessment.’
‘No bloody way. We don’t let those leftie bastards think they have any power.’
‘But your bally algorithm is causing mayhem. My ratings are minus fifty seven.’
‘It doesn’t matter. Calm down. We’ve got a majority of 80. We can do anything. There’s not even a parliament sitting to question it. We’ve got four years yet. Nobody’ll remember any of this. It’ll be forgotten in a few weeks.’
‘But Bloody hell, my ratings are sinking faster than the titanic. ‘
‘Are we still up in the polls?’
‘Only just. That bloody Starmer keeps putting me on the spot.’
‘Ahead at this point is ample.’ He sniggered. ‘I told you. Repeat a slogan or two. They’ll believe anything. Aren’t the Coronavirus figures coming down?’
‘Yes. But only because you are changing them on your computer.’
‘Yes.’ He smiled slyly.
‘But when all those job losses kick in and when Brexit happens and all the businesses collapse and the car firms head off into the EU it’ll be frightful. The dole figures will be terrible. They’ll be after my head.’
‘Relax. I’ll do to the dole figures what I’ve done with the virus. It’s all under control.’
‘But, bloody hell, they’ll blame me.’
‘No, they won’t. We’ll cook up a distraction or two – the bloody vindictive French deliberately sabotaging trade, the immigrants coming across the channel. We might have to start a war somewhere – Iran might be good.’ He looked pensive with that evil little smile on his lips.
‘If anybody asks you – just say we’ll have world-beating trade deals, oven-ready deals, best in the world. The A-Level grades are stupendous. We’ve got great plans for all the unemployed. Nobody else could do it better.’
‘Right-o. Dom, you’ve really cheered me up. I think I’ll just have a glass or two of red and go for another nap. Toodle-pip.’
So my day is spent imagining conversations in Number 10 as Cummings assumes greater power and pulls the strings.
I went for my customary walk and played some good old Blues in the form of John Lee Hooker. It’s been quite warm but overcast. A strange day.
As the numbers of new cases increase to 1009 with another 108 deaths we proceed to relax lockdown even more. Obviously, the economy comes before people. We buy up many stocks of potential vaccines – 5 shots for every person, in the hopes that one of them works. I hope this isn’t another PPE disaster – more money down the drain. We are putting other countries on the quarantine list – France included.
We muddle through. Every man for himself. Let the intelligent and knowledgeable find a way through.
At least we haven’t got Trump and Bolsonaro! That’s a small comfort. The USA with a continuing rate of 51,335 new infections and 968 deaths. Brazil with 60,091 new cases and a staggering 6,968 deaths. Populist fools excel themselves in ignorance, misinformation, bad example and lack of leadership.
Ignore them all – do what you know is right, isolate, distance, wash and mask.