This is the third chapter in my new novel. Are there any comments you could make? Any suggestions? Feedback?
Chapter 3 – A rose by any other name
Danny’s first meeting with Mr Rose went well. Suzie saw to that. She dressed him in his best shirt and brushed his hair back behind his ears. She couldn’t do anything about its length but she could make him look as tidy as possible.
It was a bravura performance. She breezed in to Mr Rose’s room to pay the rent. All Danny had to do was keep quiet and nod and smile as required and as instructed.
Mr Rose was short and portly with grey shiny hair, spectacles, grey flannels, a check shirt and maroon cardigan. He seemed a friendly, pleasant man who was still fairly active for a man in his eighties. They went in and sat down while Mr Rose got out his scruffy book and pen to note down the payment.
Danny took time to look around the room, taking in the oil paintings on the walls and the amazing partition that separated the rooms. It was made up of stained glass depicting a rural scene with rolling hills and a sun shining down with bright yellow rays. Danny found it mesmerising. The sun was low and shining through the front window and made the whole four panels glow with colour. He could not stop staring at it.
‘This is my friend Danny Champion,’ Suzie said in way of introduction. She had arranged herself on the chair with legs neatly crossed and a beaming smile.
Danny nodded and Mr Rose formally shook his hand.
‘He’s staying with us for a few weeks,’ Suzie enthused, leaning forward.
It seemed to go over Mr Rose’s head. It was of little interest. He was carefully filling in the ledger. Then he looked up.
‘That’s my work,’ Mr Rose explained, nodding towards the stain-glass work. He’d been taking it all in. Danny was to find out that he was a lot sharper than Suzie gave him credit for. ‘I used to be a stain-glass window maker. That’s all best quality glass.’
Danny nodded. ‘I can see that,’ he said. ‘It is beautiful.’
Mr Rose nodded and closed the ledger. ‘That was after I was a tailor. I was a tailor for forty years.’
‘Me and Charlotte are going away for a few weeks,’ Suzie went on to explain. ‘Danny is looking after the flat for us.’
Mr Rose raised his eyebrows and Danny’s heart fluttered. This was the moment he pulled the plug on it. ‘How can he be staying with you then?’ Mr Rose asked, putting the ledger back on the shelf.
‘What I mean is that he is looking after the place for us while we’re away,’ Suzie replied without getting at all flustered. Danny flashed her a look of admiration. He was becoming desperate for that flat.
‘That’s good,’ Mr Rose said, pursing his lips. ‘I don’t like a flat to be empty. It encourages vermin.’ He gave Danny a knowing look which caused him to squirm. No babies, no pets and no hippies was going round Danny’s head. What was the man thinking? What did he make of the long hair?
Danny nodded his agreement. ‘Empty flats are not good,’ he said lamely.
Mr Rose looked him over with a stern expression. It was obvious to Danny that he wasn’t falling for this; not one little bit. He was weighing things up. He was going to tell Danny he could not stay. But he eventually looked away and seemed content to roll with it. He was letting it go.
Danny was in.
Well Opher, what was wrong with the “good, good, good, good”.
Good, good, good, good was very encouraging.
Not quite as encouraging as – good, good, good, good, good
Or great, great, great, great, great, great, great!
But is chapter 3 still good, good, good good?
What if I were to add “look forward to next chapter” how does that grab you?
That’s good, good, good, good, good, good!
You are a “one off”. I like the picture above, the room looks so warm and inviting, homely feel to it, love the colours. If I had, the courage to go off on my own I would have liked a place like that. Now is that praise or not – “like it, like it, like it, like it”.
Cheers Anna – that room was very snug and cosy. It has been nice centring a novel around the place and fictionalising what went on in that house. Inventing Danny gave me some freedom. I could take some of the real events and change them round. I’m still enjoying it. Page 43 now chapter 24.
Heavens you are moving quick. Did you not read my Review on “Reflections” on Amazon. How big was the room you had, and was it Mansion House, that is Ealing way isn’t it.
Oh yes. I certainly read your review. It was wonderful. I told you. Don’t you remember?
It was in Manor House near Finsbury Park. We had two fairly big rooms – fifteen by fifteen, and a corridor kitchen with a shared bathroom/toilet on the floor below.
The place was full of characters. Some would say the dregs of life. But we got to know them and most were fine. They all had their reasons. There were a few who were very unsavoury though. You wouldn’t trust them an inch. It was a very interesting three years and quite an education.
It was interesting to put Danny in the middle of it.
Do you know I don’t know why I thought that was Ealing way. A time to remember, there you go you were not on your own you had Liz, not too easy on your own but I bet you will say it is. Looking back I think you would say that they were happy times, starting out. Opher, I think the years behind us were probably the best what the hell do they have to look forward to now.
Starting out is always exciting with possibility.
Perhaps they have to look forward to repairing the damage? We had good years. It’s up to them to make the future good too.
Yes
Tell the boys to get to it!
I am tired of telling them to make a life for themselves, I can see them going like me and I dread that. They will have to fight for this house if I go first, I can’t live their lives for them but I blame myself I could have done more Opher, but am at a loss as to what, have I spoil them too much done too much for them – end of the day it comes down to me.
No. They are big boys. They make their own decisions. You have to trust that they’ll sort it out in the end.
Oh yes they must do what they want, I don’t interfere I just worry and I will never stop worrying.
That’s parenthood
Morning Opher. I just want them to be happy – they did not have the Childhood I wanted for them, they went through an awful lot and it was tough. We worked together when it was just the three of us and still do. Happiness and Peace for them that’s what I want.
Amen to that! That’s what I want for the whole world and all the creatures on it.
Reblogged this on Opher's World and commented:
The magic garden, life and reality in the sixties.
I feel I’ve read this before or was it a first draft. I love the stained glass detail that adds to the character. It builds up well to the final non decision that he can stay! Will get on and read your ‘Blues Muse’ it’s too hot here for much outside work, over 30 degrees, every day!
I wish we had some heat here! It’s turned cold. About 18 I’d say.
Enjoy the Blues Muse! I think it will prove different to what you’ve read before.