The Amazing Unbelievable Adventure of Lipher Stoke.

Well this short story was a bit of fun. It had a little bit of bite to it though.

The Amazing Unbelievable Adventure of Lipher Stoke.


‘Well Lipher Stoke?’

My mind began to whir horribly. I was desperate. She was going to crucify me this time.

‘It all began on Friday when I was on my way home,’ I began, going for the wide-eyed, innocent look. ‘I had just turned the corner into the cut-through, and there in front of me was this immense orange blob with purple dots. It had four stalks on its head each culminating in a huge eye and six long tentacles waving out of its body. All those four eyes were focussed on me! I turned to run, only to find that there was another similar blob behind me. This one was vivid green with blue squares. In one of its tentacles it held a ray gun. It pointed it at me and I found that I could not move.’

‘They took me off to the playing field where a massive shiny, yellow disc was hovering above the grass. A ramp came down and they took me on board.’

‘There was no sensation of moving but we zoomed up into the sky. Soon the Earth was nothing but a blue fluffy ball receding behind us, while the moon was rushing towards us. Suddenly, outside were all flowing colours and flashes. When the stars reappeared we were heading towards this huge yellow planet.’

‘We landed and I was taken into this big hall and sat on a chair in the middle. All around me were these ranks of multi-coloured aliens all staring at me with their four eyes. It was terrifying. There was every colour you could think off – blues, yellows, reds, oranges, greens, violets and purples all adorned with dots, squares, triangles and stripes of contrasting colours. It made my eyes go funny just to look at them.’

‘Then a huge red alien with yellow circles drew up in front of me. I could tell he was the King.’

‘Lipher Stoke,’ he said inside my head. ‘You have been selected to represent your race. The outcome of this interrogation will determine what becomes of the human race.’

‘Well I was stunned and filled with horror. It felt like my throat had filled with concrete. ‘I’m only fourteen,’ I thought. I was unable to speak. ‘How can I have that responsibility?’’

‘All you have to do is answer our questions truthfully,’ the King said sternly. ‘We shall know if you are lying.’

‘I didn’t have a choice. His voice was icy and I knew he meant it.’

‘Without more ado he launched in.’

‘Is it true that humans are chopping down forests and killing all the animals?’

I tried to think of a suitable answer but there was no way to evade such a blunt question. ‘Yes,’ I replied rather pitifully.

‘Is it true that humans are killing one another with explosions, poison gas and fire?’

‘Well there was simply no way I could deny that either was there? We were. ‘Yes,’ I told the king.’

‘This wasn’t going well. That concrete in my throat was stopping me breathing and my heart was pounding. I kept thinking about what they might do to people on Earth. Hopefully he’d ask me some questions that might show us in better light.’

He didn’t.

‘Is it true that humans are pumping out chemicals from their factories that are polluting the land, sea and air and poisoning the environment?’

‘Well yes we were so I had to answer honestly’ – ‘Yes’.

‘Is it true that humans hate each other because of their colour?’

I looked around at all the gaudily coloured aliens ranked around me and I just knew this was not going to be popular. ‘Only some,’ I protested, trying hard to prevaricate. ‘Only some stupid humans. Most people don’t. They don’t mind what colour a person is. It’s only the stupid ones who feel that way.’

‘I could see all the eye-stalks bobbing but at least I was making some defence of humans.

‘Even so, it is true that many hate each other merely because of their colour? the King persisted.’

‘Well, yes, I suppose so,’ I finally agreed peevishly. ‘But only some!’

‘The king looked around at the throng and waved his eye stalks. They all waved their eye-stalks back at him.’

‘Is it true that humans organise their societies so that a few live in complete luxury while many millions starve and live in misery?’

Well I found my mind considering all those multimillionaires with their yachts and penthouses while the poor kids from the slums were picking through garbage and playing in the sewage. I couldn’t help myself. I knew they were all seeing it in my mind too.

‘I suppose so,’ I acknowledged.

‘I was beginning to see what a jaundiced view these aliens had of us. They thought we were not a very nice race, and to be honest, I was finding it very hard to defend us.’

‘There was something about the King that was beginning to look smug. Though how you can tell that about a blob I don’t know.’

‘Is it true that humans elect leaders who only look after themselves and their friends? Who promote war and conflict? Who supervise a system that creates this division and destruction?’ His voice boomed in my head.’

‘But we don’t have much choice,’ I protested. ‘The people they put up for us to vote for are pretty much as bad as each other.’

‘But you still all vote and support such corrupt people?’ The King persisted cunningly.’

‘But what can we do about it? It runs on money – mega cash. We haven’t got a say.’

‘The King took a long look around and waved his eye-stalks.’

‘I could feel all those eyes on me. I knew we were lost. Even I was beginning to believe that the world would be better off without us.’

‘Finally the King turned back to me. ‘Is there anything you would like to put forward in your defence?’

‘Well I had a right panic, I can tell you. My mind had a moment of blankness. The whole future of the human race depended on me coming up with something good. All these positive things raced through my head. I wanted to tell him that most people weren’t mean and nasty. Most people were kind and helpful. They helped each other and they tried to look after the environment too! They did care for animals! They weren’t hate-filled, cruel, greedy and selfish. And I wanted to tell him about all the creative things we do – the music, art, dance, great stories and the architecture too! I wanted to tell him about love and beauty but I just couldn’t find the words. I stood there looking stupid. All those great things had rushed through and were gone.’

‘Look,’ I said, nodding to all the ranks of aliens. ‘I know we’ve done some terrible things. We’ve made some terrible mistakes. We’ve acted stupidly.’ I paused and nodded sadly. ‘We’ve been remarkably greedy and selfish. But…..’ I looked round at them imploringly, ‘we’re just starting out. We just need a chance. We are learning. And we are getting better. I’m sorry. I truly am. But please give us one chance to make amends…….. Please!’

‘The room was silent. I felt like they were all probing my mind. Then they all seemed to come to a decision and began to disperse. The king floated away and I was left alone with my escort.’

‘I was taken back to the flying saucer and dropped off back at the playing field.’

I could feel Miss McLoughlan’s beady scornful eyes glaring at me. She was not impressed.

‘And that is why I haven’t had time to do my homework or hand my book in,’ I finished lamely.

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