The pathetic wretch was broken and reinvented.
Messny lay awake at night and cried. He prayed to a capricious god that he did not believe in but his most heartfelt prayers were never answered. He never again believed that life could be perfect or dreams could be answered.
The adults ridiculed him. They thought this forlorn show was amusing, a passing phase.
Messny had never learnt to cover up his emotions but now it became essential. They laughed in his face at his sadness so he learnt to hide his emotions deep within. Only in the darkness, in his bed, did he take them out to inspect. They were still every bit as raw.
Further tragedies were imminent to widen the wounds and build a wall between his older self and the halcyon days of childhood. He changed schools. The first lesson his new ‘friends’ taught him was the devastating importance of physical appearance. If you were not attractive and tall you were not worthy. Messny was definitely not worthy. Attributes that had previously been inconsequential were now crucial to his status. As far as that went it was apparent that when it came to status he did not hold much of a hand. He became the outsider and butt of jibes and minor cruelties.
Within a short time Messny Krapbutt became a joke, so he decided to play up to it; to become the class clown and at least salvage a position in society.
For many years a sad guy played the fool and inside cracked up at every sneer he shrugged off so well – an insecure, pathetic creature with a hard shell. With girls he had become an embarrassing bumbling idiot and the epitome of shyness. All roads led nowhere.
Then one day the clown sat down and reviewed his pitiful situation. There could be no worse fate that the lonely pathway he was inexorably heading down, lower and lower. A realisation hit him that the only way out of this dilemma was boldness. When you have nothing you have nothing to lose. He resolved to change – which is easier said than done.
Fortunately for Messny his hormones proved stronger than his learnt behaviour patterns. An inferiority complex can be overcome with a single success. He resolved to change, to become a confident, aggressive lad with a swagger. He donned the mask and rehearsed the role, deploying all the skills and quick humour of his clown persona.
Outside the girls’ school, at the youth club and parties, he selected his targets. He was the bold marauder and they responded. There were times when he felt he was making a fool of himself, he almost choked on his lines. But the girls did not seem to notice. He began to get a reputation and assume the arrogance of the perfect extrovert. Casanova Messny was born, intent on making up for lost time.
If you are at all interested in my writing on Blues and Rock Music you can check out my books here:
I would recommend the Blues Muse or In Search of Captain Beefheart to get you started:
537 Essential Rock Albums Pt. 1
Opher’s tributes to Rock Geniuses
If you would like some of my Sci-fi I recommend Ebola in the Garden of Eden or Sorting the Future to get you started:
If you would like a sixties novel I recommend Danny’s Story or Goofin’ with the Cosmic Freaks