Poetry – The Ballad Of Boris Johnson

The Ballad Of Boris Johnson


I was born with a gold spoon in my gob.

Clowned through Eton like a mawkish yob.

Had my fling with the Bullingdon boys,

Using poor people like they were toys.


Some are born to be great

It’s my fate

I couldn’t wait.


Never had to work but the cash flowed in,

Writing columns and drinking pink gin.

I blustered and joked like a complete clown.

Now I’m turning the country upside down!


Some have connections,

Social inflections,

Paternal protections.


Lots of young fillies, red wine at the club,

Boozy nights and lots of good grub.

Paternity suits and a portly build

Were no obstacles for me, down at the guild.


Some have the confidence,

Based on no evidence,

A matter of providence.


A marvellous gig on Have I got News

Secured wider appeal on behalf of the blues.

Before I knew it I was mayor of the City,

Clowning it up and living quite pretty.


Some have the luck,

The pluck,

To make big bucks.


I messed up and joked my way through it.

Many were the times that I nearly blew it.

Stuck on zip wires like a shambling fool;

Blustering and buffooning like a complete tool.


Some are born to be great.

I couldn’t wait.

It’s my fate.


But the people loved me, thought I was fun

They labelled me the chosen one.

I ran the Home Office off my cuff.

Got kicked out when the going got rough.


Some have the confidence,

Based on no evidence,

A matter of providence.


When it came to Brexit I changed my mind.

Here was an opportunity for me to find.

Thanks to Cummings I pulled it off;

Lying to the top with a huff and a puff.


Some have the luck,

The pluck,

To make big bucks.


I’ve blustered my way to the top of the tree

They put me in charge of the whole country.

With all this power I’m completely free.

With all that loot just waiting for me.


Some are born to be great.

I couldn’t wait.

It’s my fate.


Then came covid, that messed me up.

I was out of my depth, all tits up.

I’m dithering around like a complete dick.

Everyone can see I’m completely thick.


They’ll give me the boot

But I’ll have the loot

And I can scoot.


Opher – 21.9.2020

41 thoughts on “Poetry – The Ballad Of Boris Johnson

  1. He sat as a backbencher for some 2 years in his opposition to his Party’s dragging their feet to obey the electoral mandate which required the Government to pull out of the EU.

      1. Alas your opinion, not based upon reality. You think its racist for Jews not to give Arab a third stab at throwing the Jews into the sea – that’s mental. For over 2000 years no Goy demanded that Jews be restored to our exiled homelands. Yet you condemn Jews for not agreeing to establish a Balestinian State that has never ever existed in human history!!!

      2. Rubbish Moshe. I’m saying that unless you resolve the issues with the Arabs and Palestinians you will inevitable, eventually be thrown into the sea. You will be at continual war and one day someone will release a virus or plant a nuclear device and all your posturing and aggression will have created it.
        The only way for Israel to survive is to make peace. It’s a shame you can’t see it.

      3. You ignore all my points and call it rubbish — total bull shit. Resolving issues with Arab nation states – totally separate from resolving issues with stateless Arab Balestinian refugees. Duh. Arab refugees want a country of their own … let it come from the hide of some Arab state. Land for peace, that window of opportunity has permanently closed.

      4. Bull shit pie in the sky rhetoric. Peace between people requires explicit terms the partners to the “peace” obligate upon themselves to keep and honor these “peace” preconditions.

      5. If two siblings both have an eye on that last piece of pie, no peace between them can prevail. Peace requires “common shared interests” … to keep that piece of pie out of the stomach of mom and dad. LOL

      6. Yea! I should have thought of the Chamberlain appeasement deal with Hitler. Brain Dead.

        What you mean is the break up of Yugoslavia. LOL Oh yea that terrible Civil War that ensued.

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