My New Tory Leadership bid!

Posted on by Opher

I am afraid my first bid floundered! But, as with all failures, one has to assess what has gone wrong and put it right.

My second bid is likely to be much stronger. I have thoroughly analysed the situation and realised that I was not focussed on my target group – the 160,000 Tory membership.

The country doesn’t count. All that is important is appealing to this tiny minority of extremists. It doesn’t matter what happens next. All that is important is impressing these few people and getting into power.

With that in mind I have put together a new manifesto! I think it’s a winner!

If elected I will:

  1. Stop all immigration.
  2. Kick out anybody who looks, sounds or could possibly be an immigrant.
  3. Ban Islam.
  4. Bomb foreigners – all foreigners!
  5. Abolish tax for everybody earning over £50,000
  6. Double the pay of all bankers and executives
  7. Abolish corporation tax
  8. Make socialism a crime
  9. Do away with all social welfare
  10. Make poverty a crime punishable by hanging!
  11. Bring back hanging (mass hanging as a public spectacle!!)
  12. Ban foreign languages in schools
  13. Arm the police with a shoot to kill policy for all crimes
  14. Do away with courts
  15. Make 10 years conscription compulsory
  16. Leave the EU by July 20th and nuke Brussels!

There!! Let Hunt and Johnson try to outdo that!

That will provide incentive and get Britain back to the top – show Johnny Foreigner that we mean business!!

12 thoughts on “My New Tory Leadership bid!”

  2. Thataboy Oph, now this is more like it! Judaism should be stamped out too and, due to their honesty and high morals, estate agents deserve double pay as well. 👍

    1. Lesley – and Christianity – ooh! Now I’m getting carried away with myself! Estate Agents obviously deserve triple pay!

      1. Nice try Opher, but as mucked up as people have made it, I couldn’t back banning Christianity. 😝
        You lovable rogue, you! 😁

      3. Of course I am … after all, God has filled your heart with such a great compassion for the world so why wouldn’t I. 😁

  3. OMG, Opher – I’m dying of laughter over here!! The scary thing is that is exactly what those die-hard conservatives believe and they sugar-coat their platform to fool the voters.

    1. I know – I was told not to put ideas into their heads but I’m afraid they’re already there!

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