This rich Englishman had bought this isolated grange in the depths of Scotland. He’s just moved in when he received a phone call.
‘Hello,’ he said
‘Hello tae you. Aen welcum tae Scotland. If you look awt yae windee ya can see a light over the valley. That’s me. Ae’m yer neighbour.’
The Englishman looked out and could see a light shining in the distance.
‘Oh yes,’ he said, ‘I can see you.’
‘Well ae’d jus’ leek tae extand a traditional Scottish welcome tae you and put on a party fer ya.’
‘That is very good of you,’ the Englishman said, feeling really chuffed.
‘Aye, but ae must warn ye,’ the Scotsman said, ‘they’ll be plentae ov drinking.’
‘Oh no problem,’ the Englishman said, ‘I must confess I like a tipple or two.”
‘Aye, but ae must warn ye!’ the Scotsman said. ‘They’ll be pleantae ov drugs.’
The Englishmen hesitated. ‘That’s OK,’ he replied. ‘I’m a man of the world. I’ve come across my share of pot.’
‘Oh aye!’ the Scotsman said. ‘We’re renowned for aer parties. But ae must warn ye – they’ll be plenty ov sex.’
‘Oh,’ the Englishman replied, his imagination running riot, ‘that’s OK, I’m partial to a bit of the rumpy pumpy myself. Just how many people will be coming to this party of yours?’
‘Jus’ me and you.’