This book is a humorous Sci-fi novel. I was going to call it the Human Zoo. But that title’s already been taken.
It concerns a bunch of Aliens in an institute that conserves endangered sentient life, breeds them up and releases them back into the wild. They discover humans. Humans, unlike every other form of sentient life discovered so far, engage in sex. This intrigues the aliens.
It is a skit that sends up sex, bureaucracy, politics and human behaviour.
Here’s a section on sex:
Intriguing stuff, Pev said mysteriously. You’re sure going to like this. He’d been deliberately holding it back. Pev knew this was the clincher.
Well it sounds promising from the early findings, Hol enthused. I like all the initial reports. Those humans are quite exceptional and different. Hol could feel his heart beating.
I’ve run a full investigation with a view to the display potential, Pev said, almost professionally. As you know there is considerable interest in anything peculiar and it doesn’t get much more peculiar than this. This is going to blow your brain cells.
Well I thought the look of them was peculiar enough, Hol said, barely able to contain himself now. Pev was playing him like a fish and he was falling for it. What else have you uncovered?
Wait until you hear the rest, Pev said, preparing to play his ace and allowing the excitement to tinge his voice. You won’t believe it. I think you’ll be intrigued. It is amazing. Sex.
Sex. The word hit Hol like a bullet. Sex. He’d heard about it but never seen it. It was some mythical thing that many talked about but nobody really thought was possible. The old explorers had come back full of weird tales but nobody had really believed them. It sounded like classic Space scrambling. Being cooped up for years on end in those old vintage spacecraft would do that to you. It played tricks with the mind. But all things were possible in an infinite universe. Nothing was too surprising to actually happen. But who would have believed it. Those strange furry things actually had sex. He allowed his mind to ruminate over the strange human creatures. Well, well, well. Sex was rarer than supernovae and much harder to find. Wow! Now that is something. So that is what the dimorphism is about. He could hardly contain himself. Sex. Just what did that mean? What did they actually do?
Pev paused dramatically ostensibly to consult his device, more for effect than anything else. He was unlikely to forget what he had to report.
Pev went into scientific mode as if addressing a symposium on alien life-forms. There is considerable dimorphism as already noted. They have two sexes that they call male and female. The female is generally smaller and has a slender body with large hips. He deliberately started his report very methodically. She has large mammary projections that she exaggerates with the use of fashion devices. The male is mesmerised by these. His mind seems to go completely blank.
Hol nodded enthusiastically. He’d already noted that on the preliminary material Pev had sent through. Those globes did look intriguing and it was evident that they knew how to use them to mesmerise males.
She has a device she keeps between her legs, Pev reported.
Hol looked puzzled. A device? What device? He hadn’t seen anything of this.
It consists of folds, flaps, holes and a little knob, Pev reported. It has a characteristic scent and the male is totally obsessed with it and she knows it.
Folds and flaps? Hol asked incredulously. Folds and flaps. Now that was something. He hadn’t seen that on the material Pev had sent through. He’d have to have a closer look.
Yes. Just wait until you hear the rest, Pev continued. He smiled smugly. The female hides this device and always sits with legs crossed or knees firmly together so that it is not visible.
Hol shrugged. So that is why he had not noticed it.
But then she flaunts it. Pev proceeded, warming to his task. She covers her device with the flimsiest of materials and will often be seen in clothes that allow glimpses of this material covering her device. She contrives to indulge in social activities, usually involving dancing or bathing, where it appears acceptable for her to wear costumes that barely conceal her device and sometimes also actually frees her mammary protrusions altogether. This drives males into trances and energetic vocal responses. The males seem to spend most of their lives in this state of stupor.
Intriguing. Intriguing. Hol had heard of nothing remotely like this. He wasn’t really following it but it did sound tantalising. He could not wait to hear more. The thought was so exciting.
As if reading his mind Pev played him along further and further. He was mentally adding noughts to the figure he was going to ask. It wasn’t hard to impress Hol. He’d been mightily smitten himself. Wait until you hear the rest, Pev said grinning. I told you that you won’t believe it. I haven’t got to the real sex bit yet.
He paused again and grinned at Hol leeringly before proceeding triumphantly.
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