Anecdote – The worst meal ever

The worst meal ever

It was the end of term. The bank was empty and the cupboard was bare. There was one medium size potato between the two of us. All we had to sustain us all day was one mug of cocoa. We were both a trifle famished.

It was Pete’s turn to cook. I could hear him out in the kitchen with pan sizzling singing to himself and wondered what he could possibly be cooking up. I knew one potato was not going to go far.

Pete called me in. There were two plates on the table with a small mound of mash potato and a big heap pf dark green vegetable matter that looked like spinach.

I didn’t ask. I tucked in. Pete tucked into his cheerfully humming.

The potato was OK and disappeared in two forkfuls. The spinach was definitely not spinach. It was a bit greasy from having been fried. It was stringy and gritty as you chewed it. It also tasted revolting.

I was so hungry I persevered. I added generous amounts of salt and pepper but it did nothing to make it more palatable.

The other side of the table Pete was forking in mouthfuls of the green gunge and chewing manfully.

I was starving but I could not manage this. It was too gritty and bland. It was inedible.

‘What is it?’ I asked suspiciously, pushing my plate away still loaded with the green wodge.

‘Fried grass,’ Pete replied. ‘It was either that or nettles and the nettles looked manky.’

Fried grass. That was definitely the worst meal I’ve ever had. Even Pete had to admit defeat and leave half of his.

I don’t know how cows manage!