I am an arachnophobe. That makes me slightly biased when it comes to spiders. But only slightly.
Everyone knows that spiders are evil. They not only look that way but they act it too. They plan, scheme and behave vindictively with maximum malice.
Yesterday we had a huge house spider. It scurried under the bath and hid. We could not coax it out and I knew it was planning.
I wrote my poem about it.
This morning there was a loud piercing scream from the bedroom. My good lady was in there getting dressed. She’d put on her top and felt the slightest touch on her shoulder. Instinctively she flicked at the irritation and found she had knocked the enormous spider off her shoulder on to the floor.
It had surreptitiously hidden under her clothes waiting its opportunity. When she got dressed it had gleefully held on in hopes of terrorising her.
Once its cunning plan had been interrupted (It had obviously lurked in her clothing ready to suddenly scurry on to her face and scare the wits out of her) it attempted to run off behind the cupboard.
My wife deployed gravity and mass effectively. She brought down her slipper on it.
We now wait in dread for the night. We know it has family (probably older siblings and parents) and, when it is inky black and we are sound asleep, they will seek revenge.
I’ve never seen a spider like that, except on your spider poem post. It’s really quite pretty. Too bad it is so evil, and scheming acts of terror in its spare time. Such large brains they must have for such revengeful planning. How ever do you sleep?
Sleep is a problem. I have a theory about the scheming and planning. It would appear that they lack the intelligence because of their small brains but this is a deception. They are really aliens who operate in a fifth dimension and extrude through from another multiverse. The spider we see is only the extruded material. In the other dimension it has a brain as big as a house. Spiders are evil because they are the tip of an alien invasion from another dimension.
That’s not just me being paranoid is it? I’m not overplaying this phobia am I? I’m not taking it too far?
Ha ha! What a lot of comments about a spider!
Nope, not evil. Spectacular engineering in the webs. Most of them harmless (to me). Love ’em! (Well yes, I think there is an instinctive wariness of creepy crawlies)
Trevor
Perhaps there is some instinctive response that we have – probably it’s learnt behaviour. Spiders are really quite benign (to humans) and incredibly wondrous creatures. As an entomologist who is quite happy with stick insects and mantids I know it is bizarre. I think it is the combination of legs and unpredictability. I shouldn’t dramatize them in this way. It’s not good. I’ll stop.
That spider was a huge golden orb spider. I think that particular one was sitting in a web in the toilet in Australia when we visited the national park Daintree near Cairns. It was about twelve inches from leg to leg. It was a little hard to concentrate on business with it suspended above your head. At least it was in a web and did not move or scurry about.
Seriously? 12 inches? No! No wonder you can’t sleep!
I actually like spiders. Sorry. I would love to join you in your paranoia, but….ok I will. Aliens, huh? And brains as big as a house. No wonder you can’t sleep!
That’s nothing compared to the ones we saw on the quay in Peru in the Amazon. They were spindly but must has been two foot across. They were huge!
I don’t deal with spiders very well Opher. I have a special dance I do when I walk into a spider web. I’ve done it my entire life and I don’t think I will ever stop doing it.
They are strange creatures aren’t they. A special dance is probably good. I might adopt that.
Unfortunately, if performed in public, it does tend to scare some people. Take caution when using.
That sounds even better. It must be a pretty incredible dance. I like the sound of that. When it comes to spiders it needs to be extreme. The bonus is that it shocks people!
I think it’s the slapping on the head that scares people the most. No matter what part of the body has made contact with the web, this is one of the most important moves to include. There is also an extremely high pitched squeal that goes with the dance. Enjoy creating yours my friend.
That all sounds ideal. I am working on my own variation right this minute. I think it will be effective in all respects. Thank you.
I know that dance! I do it too. Total reflex. It would be funny to film it, then erase the actual web.
I’m doing it all the time as a preventative measure.
That is absolutely the LAST spider post I’m going to read!!! 😮 o_O
I hope it is the last spider piece I’m going to write! Hopefully they will all have simply gone away and left me alone.