It took me ages to get this to exactly 500 words. I had to cut lots out!
There’s a stench In here!!
My home is very claustrophobic. I’m hardly ever allowed out. The mood gets scary sometimes. There’s a lot of shouting.
I’m in a very strange family and I have grave doubts about my leader. He’s arrogant and cocky and he blathers a lot but I can smell when he’s being devious – and that’s all the time! I don’t think he really knows what he’s doing. Still, you have to make the best of things. I get plenty of food and it’s warm here.
There are about five hundred of us. I haven’t even met most of them. My leader hardly ever takes me out, just passes me to some lesser member that I haven’t even smelt before. I don’t know where I am in this family!
Every time we go out they shackle me to stop me doing anything! My mates leave messages but no sooner have I started to read them than I’m jerked away. I quickly leave my own messages but it’s far too hurried. Is this any way to run things?? Good communication is the heart of any group! I’m missing out on gossip! Who’s not feeling well? Who’s up for it? I hardly get to converse! If we do meet up I’m not even allowed to say hello, just unceremoniously dragged away! I’m being kept a prisoner here against my will.
Then there are the petty rules!! There are all these comfy beds but I’m not allowed to lay on them. They’re reserved for fellows further up the pecking order. My leader has these sumptuous meals and I have to watch him guzzle them down, then they give me crud to eat!
New members of the family constantly stream into my home. We’re never introduced and I’m not even allowed to sniff them. I ask you? On top of that they all get to sit on the comfy beds! It’s outrageous. Like I haven’t got any status at all! They all pompously pontificate and my leader pretends to be bigger than he is, smelling of self-importance and greed. He loves to dominate!
Then there’s my love life! I haven’t one. Every time I try it on with one or other of our transient guests I get well and truly told off! What am I supposed to do??
I have fantasies about my family meeting up. Our leader out there in front, loping along like the shambling wreck he is; his mate nipping at his heels, the rest of us spread out in a big fan behind him. But it’s never going to happen. I can smell a rabid family of wolves outside, baying. They want blood. Every time my leader stumbles out there are horrid flashes and howls.
He’s pumping out wrong messages. He says one thing and smells another. They know it. He doesn’t smell like a proper leader at all.
Why are we going to have to leave and find a new home? What does all this Partygate mean??
Dilyn – 6.2.2022