Trump is having tea with HM Queen Elizabeth.
Trump: I think I’d like my country to be a Kingdom.
HM the Q: Well, you’d have to be a King to do that, and you are not one.
Trump: Well, an Empire, then.
HM the Q: Again, not possible, because you are not an Emperor.
Trump: Well, how about a Principality?
HM the Q: Well, the same problem. You are not a Prince. I’m afraid The US will have to remain a country.
On the night of his inauguration, Trump is visited by three ghosts.
Early in the night, FDR appears. When Trump asks him how he can make America great, FDR replies “Think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets.” Trump’s face sours, and he yells “FAKE NEWS!”
A few hours later, he is awakened by George Washington’s ghost. Trump asks “how can I make America great again?” Washington replies “I would suggest you never tell a lie”, which infuriates Trump.
Around three in the morning, he is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Again, he asks “how can I make America great again?”. Lincoln responds, “go to the theatre.”
I enjoyed that. Thanks Quora!
Courtesy of John Peachey:
The smartest man in the world…
Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, Pope Francis and a ten-year-old schoolgirl are on a plane that is going down. There are only four parachutes.
Johnson declares, “Britain can’t survive Brexit without me,” and grabs one and jumps.
The Pope declares, “More than a billion Catholics need me,” and grabs one and jumps.
Trump declares, “I know more about our defences than the generals, I know more about the pandemic than the doctors, I’m the smartest person in the world and my country needs me.” He grabs the nearest pack and jumps.
Merkel looks at the young girl and says, “You take the last one, you have a whole life ahead of you.”
The girl replies, “It’s OK, there’s two parachutes left, the smartest man in the world took my backpack.”