What is Melania Trump’s reaction to her husband’s association with Jeffrey Epstein?
Melania is in her lawyer’s office
Lawyer: So, what can I do for you now?
Mel: Look, I read paper, and I see world knows about Jeff and Donald. Damn. The man is pure filth. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to marry such a gross pig. Is it too late to change prenup? Yes, I knew he was friends with Jeff. But I didn’t know Jeff liked young girls. I didn’t know about that gross birthday card. And yes I thought his relationship with Ivanka was weird but…
Look, I know now he’s just evil. I just want more money to cover shame. I know Barron is too old for more support money. But look at all the money he’s making again with all his scams. I want a piece of that. Every time I turn around it’s one foul thing after another. It’s getting harder to go out in public.
Lawyer: (Rubs forehead) Mrs. Trump. You were just here, what? Less than a year ago? I don’t think we can do too much else. We had him last time against a wall when it looked like he was headed to jail and that’s why we could squeeze him like a ripe orange then. You had a lot of leverage then. And um, you DID know they were friends.
Mel: I know, but I cannot rent myself out anymore to this waste of skin. It’s obvious hoping for jail is waste. He’s not ever going to jail. I had high hopes those black DAs in New York or Georgia or Jack Smith would send him and his revolting kids to jail, but it didn’t happen. I’m getting older. I hope I can find someone before I get too old for plastic surgery to help. But I want more money. He’s making money again with his crooked sons. Even Ivanka is talking to him again now that he has money and won’t be going to prison. He was broke before he get elected. I want my cut. We thought he’d stay broke when we made deal.
Lawyer: Mrs. Trump, my suggestion is that you wait it out. You don’t have the leverage you had before he got elected. He doesn’t really need to make any deals any more. Barron is an adult, you can’t get any more money using him. He isn’t worried about the public opinion any more. He knows he won’t go to jail, and that is why he ran again, to stay out of jail.
Mrs. Trump. Look at him. He’s nearly 80, clearly on his way to senility, and has a lot more wrong with him than some swelling in his leg. He was falling asleep during the Pope’s funeral. Nature, or God if you prefer, is clearly getting ready to claim him. He’ll likely be dead within the next five years, and you aren’t living with him anyway. Marriage laws will ensure you get all that revenue from all those shoes and Bibles and meme coins he’s hawking since that income was made during the marriage. You likely won’t even be sixty when he finally goes to his reward. Patience, ma’am, patience.
Mel: I guess you’re right. As long as I don’t have to share my house with him, I can wait. I just can’t believe I pick such a lousy person to have kid with. It’s embarrassing. He’s embarrassing. I cringe every time he shoot his mouth off on the internet. Sitting next to him at the Pope’s funeral with him snoring and farting and drooling was absolute torture.
Lawyer: Your inheritance after he kicks will be its own reward. Have a wonderful day. My bill will be in the mail.
Had to steal this – great satire!