I had an idle minute for this juvenile silliness.
New Tory Cabinet Reshuffle – Meet the new Tory Cabinet:
Prime Minister – Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury, Minister for the Civil Service, and Minister for the Union
Dishi Wetfacesmarmy
Deputy Prime Minister
Daft DeTwit
Secretary of State in the Cabinet Office
Nutin Twynears
Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster
Gredy Person
HM Treasury – Chancellor of the Exchequer
Robin Ublind
Minister of Corruption
Plen T Ovit
Home Secretary
Callous Anawful
Ministry of Defence – Secretary of State for Defence
Duh Hooami
Minister of Water
Ministry of Justice – Lord Chancellor and Secretary of State for Justice
Vip Lanes
Department for Energy Security and Net Zero – Secretary of State for Energy Security and Net Zero
Oily Gasman
Department for Science, Innovation and Technology – Secretary of State for Science, Innovation and Technology
Iva Noidea
Department for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities – Secretary of State for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities
Whokares Anyway
Department for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities – Minister for Intergovernmental Relations
Haha Umustbjokin
Department of Health and Social Care – Secretary of State for Health and Social Care
Penny Budget
Department for Parties and being an Arse
Boris Piffle
Office of the Leader of the House of Commons – Lord President of the Council and Leader of the House of Commons
Iluv Trakterpawn
Office of the Leader of the House of Lords – Leader of the House of Lords and Lord Privy Seal
Lord Spinan Lies
Government Equalities Office – Minister for Women and Equalities
Mach Oflogem
Department for Business and Trade – Secretary of State for Business and Trade
Fock Dewurquers
Department for Business and Trade – UK Export Finance – President of the Board of Trade
Wot Wurk
Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs – Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs
Green Noway
Department for Work and Pensions – Secretary of State for Work and Pensions
Wurque Toodeaf
Department for Education – Secretary of State for Education
Baktu Fyftes
Department for Transport – Secretary of State for Transport
Pothol Bluze
Department for Culture, Media and Sport – Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport
Propa Ganda
Cabinet Office – Minister without Portfolio (Cabinet Office)
Watam Idoin
Oh dear Opher, I’m more than 10 years ahead of you here! Enjoy.
Mr. Cheese’s Cabinet
By Wensleydale Cheese MP
(This speech was made by Mr. Cheese shortly after his election as British prime minister on 7 May 2010).
You, the British public, asked for change. You have got change. You have elected ME, Wensleydale Cheese – The Big Cheese, as I prefer to be called – as Prime Minister.
My first job is to announce my Cabinet. That is, to name my cronies who will be lying to you, oppressing you and ripping you off for the next five years. So here goes.
My Chancellor of the Exchequer will be Rob Steal. I can safely say that he will be very good at screwing tacks out of you.
My Home Secretary, who will take special delight in criminalizing anything you enjoy, will be Mr. Petty. He will be closely assisted by the Minister for Constant Surveillance, Mr. Pryer.
The Department of Organized Crime (DOC) and the Seriously Fraudulent Office (SFO) will be amalgamated under the shared leadership of Mr. Bent and Mr. Crook.
The Minister of Education, with particular responsibility for Very Bad Verse, will be Mr. Doggerell.
My joint Ministers of Health, who will minister to the health of my joints, will be Dr. Quack and Mrs. Nostrum.
Four Ministers will be responsible for the climate. The Ministers for Cold will be Mr. Snow and Mr. Frost, the Minister for Heat will be Mr. Power, and the Minister for Rain will be Mr. De Wet.
The Minister for Exclamations will be Gordon Bennett.
The Minister for Losing Data will be… what was his name again? He will also be the Minister without Portfolio, having left it in a taxi.
Mr. White will run the Department of Racial Discrimination, and Mr. Mann will be responsible for sexual discrimination.
The Minister for Getting Drunk will be Mr. Tippler.
The Minister for Children’s Games will be Haydn Sikh.
The Minister for Ogling Young Girls will be Mr. Totti.
The Minister for Making You Angry will be Mr. Madden, and the Minister for Complaining will be Mr. Grouse.
Mr. Gaff will be in charge of the Department of Mistakes, and Mr. Balding will head the Department of Hair Loss.
The Minister for Lies, Spin and Propaganda will be Mr. Bull, assisted by Mr. Wittering.
I will announce tomorrow the remaining three Cabinet posts: the Minister of Hypocrisy and Double Standards, the Minister for Hare-brained Schemes and the Minister for …er… Forgetting What He Was Going to Say Next.
Great stuff Neil!! Beat me to it by a long chalk.