I wrote this back when May was PM and the hardened Brexiteers were pressing for a Hard Brexit. We have that hard brexit. They won. Now we are counting the cost.
Mrs May What Are You Doing Today?
‘Well Mrs May, what are you doing today?’
‘Whatever they tell me’ I heard Mrs May say.
‘That nice Mr Mogg and Mr Fox too, they’re always telling me just what to do.’
‘We’re pulling up the drawbridge and sailing away.’
‘Why Mrs May, why are we sailing away?’
‘To be free of the foreigners making the rules
And to have more money for our nurses and schools.’
‘We’re sailing away to have better say.’
‘Is that all, Mrs May? The only reason for sailing away?’
‘No that’s not all – it surely is not!
From terrorists and immigrants we want to get shot!
They’re blowing up places and taking our jobs
The whole country’s swarming with unwanted yobs.
We’ll send them all home and away from the fray.’
‘But what Mrs May, will happen to those who now stay?
Who work in our schools and hospitals too?
Who take all our elderly off to the loo?
And help our children on with their shoe?
Who’ll wipe the bums and tickle the tums?
Who’ll toil in the fields for pickles and plums?
Who’ll do the jobs when our own folks don’t want to play?
Mrs May, got all hoighty and just looked away.
‘We’ll make them all work by cutting the pay
Of the ones on social who are scrounging indoors
With their hundreds of kids and lousy in-laws,
The crooks and pretenders with bodies so sore.
We’ll give them all a real what’s for!
We’ll make them all work the gig economy
And steer the whole country back to the land of the free.
That’s how we’ll deal with those who won’t play!’
‘But how Mrs May, will our leaving pay
When the economy shrinks and power ebbs away?’
‘Mr Davis tells me we’ll be bigger than big.
We’ll have so much money we’ll eat like a pig.
We won’t need to fear when we get our own way.’
‘But Mrs May, they’ll be tariffs to pay!
The economy will dive and the future looks grey.’
‘No silly boy! Boris says it’s not true!
‘They’ll be plenty to gorge on with new trade deals too!’
We’ll be fighting them off once we’ve broken away!’
‘But Mrs May, the experts all say
That the future looks grim – there’ll be hell to pay!’
‘Fake news, says old Govey, in him I’ll trust.
They’re giving me the power for which I still lust.
They surely wouldn’t let it all crumble to dust –
Once we’re gone we’ll be rolling in hay.’
So when Mrs May, does the trigger come to play?
What will come to pass on that uncertain day?
‘Well the button is pushed and we’re going ahead
Into the valley with cannonball and lead
Staying behind we’d be better off dead,
With them holding a loaded gun to our head.
So 30th of January two thousand eighteen,
The whole country will see that I mean what I mean!’
‘So Mrs May, who are these people leading the way?’
‘They are the nicest of people – all British – OK?
They want our country to be great once again
With fortunes to be made and much wealth to gain
We’ll be ruling the waves of that, we’re certain.
With bulldog spirit and Dunkirk holding sway.
We won’t let Johnny Foreigner get in our way.’
‘So Mrs May, does the future look gay?’
She gave me a look that’d frighten zombies away!
‘Do we need a second vote to be sure?
Now that we know what is really the score?
Let the people decide before we do any more?’
Her piercing eyes turned living flesh to grey.
‘Brexit means Brexit!’ I heard Mrs May say.
‘They’ve already voted and we’re heading away!
Once is enough for that sort of stuff.
The people have spoken, even if it is tough,
We’ll just have to learn to take the smooth with the rough.
No more of this nonsense, not a glimmer or ray!’
But Mrs May, who is going to pay
When it all goes tits up and the banks flee away?
‘Don’t be silly dear boy it’ll be tickety boo.
Boris and Govey will see it all through.
With Foxy and Hunt what could possibly go wrong?
We’ll be getting trade deals for a dance and a song.
They’ll be juicy deals to hook and waylay.
Leave the whole thing up to Davis and May.’
Opher – 9.2.2018
I wrote this for a bit of fun. I think it’s a balanced view, don’t you? The utter mess of Brexit has to be seen to be believed. These people are in charge of our future. We’d be better with a bunch of clowns. It’s a bit like a ham-fisted comedy.