I had a little time so i made the mistake of trawling through some Trump jokes:
Trump’s entire library has just been burnt down, both books were incinerated. What’s worse he hadn’t even coloured in one of them!
On Judgement Day, two forever Trumpers meet God at the pearly gates and God asks them if they have any questions. One says “yes, please tell us the true results of the 2020 presidential election.” God tells them that the election was not rigged and that Biden won the presidency fair and square. The guy turns towards his friend and whispers, “looks like this fraud goes higher up than we ever imagined”
A political commentator announced on air that he had good news and bad news about the elections. The good news is that President Obama’s long-form birth certificate confirmed that he was indeed born in America. The bad news is so was Donald Trump.
One day a kid asked Donald Trump what the J in Donald J Trump stood for. He replied “Genius of course”.
Donald Trump wants to be president because he’s fed up with the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, a presidency headed by Trump will definitely put an end to that!
George Washington couldn’t tell a lie. Bill Clinton couldn’t tell the truth. Donald Trump doesn’t even know the difference.
After endless negotiations with North and South Korea, Trump remarked that East and West Korea must be much more peaceful as he never hears from them.
After reviewing footage of the people who stormed the Capitol, Trump finally realized how crazy his supporters can be. Some are so insane that at a rally Trump could use his shoe as a phone and tell people he was talking to Jesus who called to thank Trump for the free MAGA hat and they would totally believe him.
After the Roosevelt Room and the Lincoln Bedroom, Donald Trump says his favourite room in the White House is the Oval Office. He thinks that President Oval was a ‘really really great President.’
Donald Trump is doing all he can to raise the living standards of ordinary Americans. Particularly ex-porn stars.
Trump tested positive for COVID. It’s the only test he ever passed without cheating
Trump is giving inspiration to a new generation of kids. Kids would be told ‘Believe in yourself, you can be anything when you grow up, you could be President’. The kids and the parents both knew that there was no chance of it actually happening. Now, it’s a genuine possibility.
Donald Trump promised to only take $1 as his salary instead of the usual $400,000. This goes to show you that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to avoid paying taxes.
Liberals say Trump is a monster because he allegedly had sex with a porn star just weeks after his son was born, didn’t wear a condom and after he finished rolled over, turned on Shark Week and ordered fried chicken. To me that makes him an inspiration. He’s the Motley Crue of politics.
Breaking! Trump to pull out of Iran deal. Like with most people and things that he pulls out of, his lawyer Michael Cohen is to pay hush money soon after.
People are mad that Trump wants to be President for life, but based on his diet that just means two years instead of four.
Donald Trump wants to arm teachers, which is crazy, because if Donald Trump’s teachers had been armed, we probably wouldn’t have to hear his stupid opinions on this issue.
Aides to President Trump say he normally tears up pieces of paper after he is done reading them – Melania Trump continues to try and hand him their prenup.
A host on Fox and Friends recently called both North Korean leader Kim Jung Un and President Trump ‘dictators’ on air. The station has apologised, saying only one of the leaders is a person who behaves in an autocratic way. The other is Kim Jung Un.
It’s been reported that the President is looking forward to Chequers with the Prime Minister. His spokesperson said he’s pretty good at the game.
Trump loves capitalism but hates free trade, which is like being a Destiny’s Child fan who hates Beyoncé.
Do you know why Trump prefers a chickpea over a lima bean? He’s never been caught having a lima bean on his face.
Want to know who has more self-control over what comes out of their mouths than Donald Trump? How about a schizophrenic with Tourette’s and dyslexia?
I wouldn’t say Trump is self-centred, but he would be the only presidential candidate to ever pick himself as a running mate.
People say Trump is a Putin puppet, a Manchurian candidate, but Trump is so stupid that his subconscious has probably forgotten the trigger phrase.
Trump is visiting the UK and huge protests are planned, so it will be a nice change for Trump to lie by downplaying a crowd size.
I think it’s disgusting that America has the death penalty, and it must be abolished, but then I remember Donald Trump and his sons may be charged with treason and decide that actually it’d be rude to interfere with local customs.
The weird thing about Trump’s Presidency is that I now actually hope that there is a shadowy cabal deep within the US government dedicated to undermining the democratically elected leader.
“You look like you came out of a clogged drain at the Wonka factory.”
Why is Trump’s hair like wearing a thong? They both barely cover the *ssh0le.
A doctor in Washington DC shares “COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously… A former patient of mine was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he’d won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.”
When Trump met the Pope at a public event, the Pope told him that he had a special religious power in his right hand. With a horizontal gesture, he could make the entire crowd go crazy with unbridled glee. He said that people would be filled with happiness for the rest of their lives whenever they remembered this day. Trump replied, “I find that hard to believe. Show me this gesture now!” So the Pope slapped him.
Trump, unfortunately, passed away and arrived in hell. He’s welcomed by the devil who says Trump has 3 options: he must pick one of 3 rooms and stay there for eternity. The devil opens the first room, where George Bush Sr is pushing a rock up a big hill. Once he is at the top of the hill, he lets the rock go down and has to start all over again. Horrified, Trump says “No thank you, I can’t do manual labor.” The devil then opens a second door, where Richard Nixon (The Watergate US President) is seen, profusely sweating, with a lump hammer in his hands. His job is to break rocks until the end of times. Trump says “I can’t do that either, I deserve so much better. Mr Devil, do you realize how much I have loved and helped people? I have helped millions of people”. The devil acknowledges Trump’s comments and says “Fair enough. I have a special door for you then”. He opens the door to a room where John F Kennedy is just standing at his desk, pants down to his knees. Marilyn Monroe is right there in front of him, giving him a lot of pleasure. Excited, Trump says “That – I can do. Thank you for listening to me. You are the best.” The devil then says “Ok, Marilyn, you are done. You’re getting replaced.”