In the Land of the Few – A short story

In the Land of the Few

It is Wednesday. I love Wednesdays. On Wednesday we can put the heating on for an hour. It melts the ice on the windows. You can still see your breath though!

I bet I know what we’re having for dinner today; potato stew!! I know that’s what it is because we have it every day. Dad bought a sack of potatoes. We don’t peel them like we used to because Mum says that the skin contains all the goodness.

Mummy is very naughty. She swears a lot. She says naughty things about Liz Truss. I don’t know what she is talking about. Liz Truss is our new Prime Minister. I don’t think mummy likes her. She says she’s worse than Boris. Mummy says she’s a cross between the Ice-Queen and Attila the Hun. I know who the Ice Queen is. She was not nice at all. I don’t know who Attila the Hun is though. Daddy won’t tell me. He says ‘Just ignore her’. It’s hard to ignore her when she swears such a lot.

Daddy says he would like Boris back. Mummy says he’s an effing moron! I thought Boris was funny. I liked it when he got stuck on that zip wire waving those Union Jacks. Mummy said that he should stick those flags where the suns don’t shine. There’s lots of places where the sun doesn’t shine so I don’t really know what she means.

Mummy says that ‘Fat Cat energy bosses getting £15 million bonuses while people freeze is obscene’. Daddy says Boris would have sorted it. Mummy says she doesn’t know what possessed her to marry someone without a single brain cell in his head.

Daddy says that Liz Truss will sort the cost of living crisis. Mummy suggests that killing off half the population through hypo … hypotermites, or starvation is not exactly sorting the problem. Daddy says she’s daft. The Tories know what they are doing. Mummy says she knows what they are doing too. She says they are giving tax cuts and bonuses to the effing rich. They are a bunch of cnuts. I don’t really know what that word means and daddy won’t tell me. I think it’s very bad and that Mummy is very naughty. If she’d said that in school Mrs Iverson would have sent her to the Headmistress. I’m trying hard to remember all these words Mummy says about Liz Truss because Billy thinks I’m really cool when I repeat them to him at break-time.

Anyway, Mummy and Daddy seem to know a lot about politics. Mummy says that it’s Boris Johnson who gives us potato stew but I think it’s Daddy. She doesn’t always get it right.

Mummy and Daddy don’t agree about Boris or Liz Truss. Mum says that if she had to choose between the pair of them and a bucket of shit she’d choose the bucket of shit any day – at least it’s good for the roses.

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