The Ballad of David Cameron, Brexit and Green Swill
My name is David Cameron
I’m a jolly Bullingdon boy.
I’ve come from a world of privilege
Where your lives are just a toy.
I’d do anything to gain power
To keep the ERG on side.
So I promised them a referendum
To let the country decide.
I arrogantly assumed
The government would be hung
Just as the polls predicted
But the momentum had swung.
I never thought we’d win.
I thought we’d be in coalition.
Then I could blame the lib-dems
For changing my position.
Blow me down – it all went wrong!
Somehow we pulled it off.
That slim majority
Made the going rough.
So I gave them their referendum.
I never thought we’d lose.
But decades of toxic lies
Had poisoned the public’s views.
We’d given them years of austerity
With ‘We’re all in it together’.
I simply had not thought through my case
To surmount this stormy weather.
The ERG were ready.
They’d been planning this for years!
They had duplicitous Johnson
To honey the public’s ears.
With loads of lies and scare stories
They mounted their campaign.
While the Cameron team floundered
With no arguments to sustain.
Everything we brought up
Was labelled ‘Project Fear’.
The Tabloids beefed up Boris’s lies
The xenophobic message clear.
With the Machiavellian Cummings
To dream up silly slogans
Like ‘Take back control’
It conjured up the omens.
The vote went against us
Leading to years of chaos.
Seeing what was coming
Osborne and I jumped bus.
The moderates were ousted.
The country hopelessly divided.
Extremists pressing for hard Brexit
As ideologies collided.
Osborne and I headed off
Into the pastures green.
Leaving the mess behind us
And all that might have been.
Now we’re both making millions
From endless dodgy deals.
To use our former positions
To get our snouts in swill.
‘We’re all in it together’
Means cuts and food banks.
We’ve left you that clown Johnson
While we’re filling up our tanks.
I nearly made £45 million
From the Greensill deal.
I certainly don’t have to worry
Where I’m getting my next meal.
I’ve got the government on speed-dial
So I can sell the inside story.
Osborne tells them how to avoid tax.
It’s wonderful being a Tory!!
My name is David Cameron.
I messed up the whole nation!
But I’ve come up smelling of roses.
I’m the overnight sensation!
Opher – 19.4.2021