Featured Book – The Antitheist’s Dictionary – Pt. 10


I have written this for antitheists and atheists to have a laugh at the absurdity of religion.

This is a Dictionary of Religious words explained by an antitheist. If you are easily offended by someone calling your deeply held convictions rubbish or have no sense of humour then I would urge you to read no further!

I believe all religions are not only misguided but extremely dangerous.


 Jesus was killed on a cross. That’s why Christians go around with crosses around their necks. George Carlin that it was lucky he wasn’t executed in an electric chair.

That cross that Jesus was murdered on was then considered a relic. Supposedly it was chopped up and bits sold. Though how anybody identified which was the original cross so long after Jesus’ death is a complete mystery. However, these relics were very popular in the Dark Ages. They were sold by the Church for huge profit. At one time there were enough relics of the original cross to have reconstituted a hundred crosses.

The church is never slow when it comes to making a buck or two.

Being crucified is a nasty death but there are a lot worse. Being slowly tortured for weeks on end or slowly burnt alive must have made the eyes water. Impalement can’t have been pleasant and stoning is pretty horrific. ISIS, a different bunch of religious fanatics, thought up so pretty nasty tortures and deaths for the unbelievers to satisfy their blood-thirsty god.

The Catholic Church invented some horrendously painful deaths for supposed heretics. Putting hosepipes down your throat to fill your intestines with water and then rolling a heavy log over your abdomen to rupture all your bowels was supposed to have been pretty dreadful and gruesome. Being hung from rafters in cathedrals with weights pulling your joints apart and suddenly dropped to dislocate all your joints, wheels, red-hot pokers, pliers and knives were all tools of the religious trade. Confess and repent and we’ll let you die.

Back in the old days, when they regularly burnt people for believing the wrong thing they would try and drag it out for fun. They found if they didn’t use as much wood or the wind was blowing in the wrong direction they could get a lot more shrieking for their money. How the faithful loved it!

We are extremely lucky that it was a cross that Jesus died on. Things could have been a lot worse. It was relatively quick. I wonder if christians would be going around with Jesus with a big spike stuck up his arse on a chain around their necks if Vlad had got hold of him?


The crucifix is a symbol of insanity. It is worn by devotees of a minor jewish cult leader who, like hundreds of thousands of others, was executed in a fairly unexceptional manner for that time. Crucifixion was a very common. You could reuse the wood. It just cost you a few nails and the public loved it.

Like all other religious symbols it should be banned in the work place as with any other form of advertising. Whether it’s crucifixes, sacks, daggers, turbans or fat smiley Buddha ear-rings they are symbols of a sickness that is best left to personal choice not public display.


Perhaps that should be spelt cruci fiction. But no – it was real.

It was a favourite past-time of human beings. They liked nothing better than devising more and more cruel ways of killing people; the more slow and painful the better. Religions have been right at the forefront of this technological innovation. In that respect crucifixion is one of the less gruesome.

It is quite probable that Jesus, like millions of others, was subject to this torturing death. The only mystery is what makes this so special? Millions were tortured to death for public entertainment.

Nowadays we laugh at the old stocks and joke about cabbages and rotten tomatoes. That is far from the truth. Not too many people survived the stocks. People were free to do anything to them and did. Fists, boots, cudgels, rocks – you name it. It was little different to the primitive, and still present day, barbaric sharia law of stoning women to death.

I would not have wanted to die by crucifixion. It wasn’t pleasant. Neither would I have much enjoyed being slowly grilled, have molten lead poured down my throat, red hot pokers up my arse, be torn apart by dogs, ripped to pieces by horses, or slowly pressed under a board on which rocks were slowly added day after day until the life was squashed out of me. Though if I had a choice I think I’d try and avoid impalement. Vlad was meant to be good at this. The art was to slowly lower someone on a great long pointy thing so it went up his arse. You then eased him down and down until the point came out his mouth. The art was to avoid any vital organs and blood vessels so that your victim remained alive, in agony for a long time.

Crucifixion was more of a doddle.

Pain and cruelty has long been the entertainment for the masses. They’d take the family out on Sunday for a day at the bear pit to watch wild animals being ripped apart, then off for a good burning, hanging or to poke the pirate in the metal cage. Religion was right up there at the forefront of the entertainment business. Dealing with heretics and blasphemers was fun.


A Crusade is an excuse to go and slaughter, rape and pillage in god’s name i.e. in the name of a fictitious tooth fairy.

It was the legitimisation of great crimes. The general excuse put forward was to try to wrest the holy land back from the barbaric heathens.

The slaughter, rape and pillaging of people who did not share your own beliefs about the fairy was sanctioned by the church. People who do not believe the same as you are evil. They need exterminating until they do believe in the correct version. Rape, torture and murder were not merely sanctioned, they were mandated. The heathens had to be taught a lesson.

Crystal Balls

Yep. Those things the gypsies peer in to see your future when you cross their palm with silver. Seemingly they see even better and further when you cross their palm with gold. I think that’s the key to it. We’re talking about another commercial exercise.

It’s another con trick; a means of taking money off the gullible punters. When those gypsies are peering into the milky depths of the crystal ball all they are seeing in the misty future is the amount of money they’ll have in their pockets when they leave. I suppose, in a way, that is seeing into the future.


Another new age pile of junk. Crystals are very aesthetically pleasing but they don’t have healing auras. That’s nonsense. They are an alignment of atoms to form lovely shapes that are pleasing to the eye. Humans like that sort of thing. They are aesthetically decorous.

The simple step was to then attribute powerful mystical forces to the aesthetically pleasing. The gullible went for it.

This is in the same league as grinding up rhino horn (a keratin based product of the same chemical nature as hair and finger nails) in the mistaken belief that it can cure impotency. Horns are hard, right?

There is no end to the stupidity of people.


The difference between a cult and a religion is purely one of numbers. All religions start as cults. It is a fairly recent sociological term used mainly to describe small groups that spring up using different rituals to mainstream groups.

For some reason all established religions (the big cults (should that be an L or should it be an N?)) take exception to anyone wanting to do stuff differently. They see all members of other cults as heretics and want to burn them.

Anybody can come up with a nutty idea and sell it to a few people so that they become a cult and over time many of these have – hence we have things like the Mormons, Amish, Scientologists, Plymouth Brethren and Jehovah’s Witnesses.

The new brand of militant islam is a new cult and very popular because of its anti-secular, anti-western rhetoric and stated aim to take over the world and impose its views on all of us. It provides certainty and identity which confused young men find very reassuring. That excites people – particularly if it is violent, risky and full of foolhardy enterprise. They can also go out and kill and rape with impunity. It’s sanctioned. Young men, full of testosterone and adrenaline love a good violent spree with unlimited sex thrown in. And if it goes wrong you end up in paradise having sex with twenty four virgins for eternity. Young men are not rational. Cults exploit them.

People crave to be part of a family or one of the few who see the truth. They are easily taken in by charismatic people which is precisely how Jim Jones, Charles Manson, Osama Bin Laden and David Koresh proved so popular. They sold a vision to their followers and they fell for it hook, line and sinker. It got all the young attractive girls in bed doing god’s will (seemingly sex is evil but not if it is with a cult leader!) or feeding cyanide to their children or flying planes full of innocent children into office blocks full of innocent people.

Cults are powerful psychological tools. They become even worse when the cults expand into religions.

A cult is similar to a Sect. I particularly like the Downliners Sect. That’s the only cult I’d follow.


A curse is a vehement wish that something nasty will happen to someone. A lot of people are frightened by curses. Some people even go to witches or voodoo queens to intensify the curse. Seemingly witches and voodoo priestesses do it better. They are the professionals. They have the power.

Unfortunately this does not seem to be true. No matter how much they cursed and stuck pins into models of Maggie Thatcher she refused to succumb. Even so some people still believe there are some paranormal powers they can invoke. This is not true. We cannot alter the universe with words and mental power no matter how hard we try. If we could I would put a curse on all religion and put an end to the whole stupidity. Whole cultures have been paralysed by the fear of curses. Africa is still being held back by this superstitious nonsense. Haiti is another. There are no evil spirits. Witchdoctors cannot put a hex on you.

This is nonsense. It should stop. It’s as if the whole of humanity is cursed! Hey, maybe there is something in this cursing?


This is what happens to you when you commit major sins like believing in the wrong pixie. You get damned for eternity and that’s a long sentence.

When you die the demons come and grab your soul and drag it underground. They then fiendishly start tormenting and torturing you for ever. Their activities are not even disturbed by such things as the excavation of the channel tunnel or drilling for oil.

This might sound a little harsh but you probably deserved it. Perhaps you got your hair cut wrong, ate pork or occasionally thought about naked women or men. Who knows? There was definitely something you didn’t get quite right.

It is quite possible that the only people who will be allowed into heaven will be that little sect of jews who have the Old Testament strapped to their foreheads because it says in the Old Testament that you should keep the word of god before you at all times.

Perhaps that’s the only one that’s correct.

I’m certainly damned. But what the hell!

Ho Hum – think I’m worried?

Dark ages

When did the Dark Ages End? The historian AJP Taylor said that we’re still living them. They will end when we finally free ourselves of superstition and religious indoctrination. That may take some while.


Death is something you can get to wishing for after having to listen to the inanities of various religious fanatics.

Some islamic idiot declared that the difference between islam and the West was that we believed in life and they believed in death. In other words their real life does not start until after death.

You cannot argue with anyone who believes something as stupid as that. There is no point of contact. We are back to the Paradise of twenty four virgins and the beautiful fountains.

It isn’t merely sad – it is extremely worrying that many people, in this day and age, actually believe that garbage. Christians, muslims and jews all looking forward to blissful life in some after-death paradise. We’ve had a myriad of examples – Valhalla, Elysium, Paradise, Heaven, Shangri-la, Arcadia, Camelot… Every culture has its version. Some wonderful place you go to if you obey all the rules or are martyred. (The alternative being eternal torment in hell) That is extremely dangerous. There is no such place. In actual fact death is what happens when your cellular chemistry shuts down. They used to think it was when the heart stops beating and you stopped breathing. That is not quite the case. That is merely an indicator. Death is when your thinking organ – the brain – stops functioning. That is death. Your consciousness dissolves, you cease to exist and no longer have any awareness of the wondrous universe we so briefly inhabit.

Death happens in stages. Your most oxygen needy tissues shut down first such as the brain, while the less oxygen needy tissues take a lot longer. Skin for instance can stay alive for days after you stop breathing. Hence you have to shave corpses.

Despite all the stories of people coming back from near death experiences and reporting tunnels of light (probably due to the peripheral shut down of the brain in response to oxygen starvation) there is no evidence of any life after death. When you think about it there would really be a strange existence if all these spirits were wandering around fucking virgins and drinking from fountains forever, or singing in choirs of angels in praise of the Pixie. The thrill would eventually wane. Give it a few million years or so.

There is a lot for science to find out about death. Life after it is not one of them.

Death is the final frontier. It’s when your consciousness ceases forever, you cease to exist as a personality and you say your last goodbye to the universe. People find the concept of them ceasing to exist hard to come to terms with. It’s terrifying. But not necessarily.

Even after a mere lifetime that is long enough for a lot of people. They end up welcoming it. They’ve had enough.

Besides, it would take all the fun away. What’s the point of all those dare-devil kids doing all those death-defying stunts in order to impress the girls and get laid if, when it goes wrong, they end up getting fucked forever by twenty four virgins who are obviously capable of re-growing their hymens to order.

Flouting death gives life spice.

Death is final.


Deities are supernatural beings who are immortal. Many of them have human type forms and go around doing human type activities on a whole different level. Some do not have any tangible body. They are spirits.

The deities are gods with unique and great superhuman powers – a bit like Superman or Spiderman but not like Batman. Batman has no real super powers.

Whatever their powers they were believed in and worshipped by human beings with minds just like ours. That is the most incredible thing about them. Gods behave like us because they were created by us.

Déjà vu

I think I may have already done this one.

We have no past lives. We have never been here before. This is just the way your mind plays tricks with you.

The exception to this is television.

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