Two men walk into a building……you’d think one of them would have seen it
* Phone message….if you want marijuana press the hash key
* A guy walks into a psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, ‘Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.’
* I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
* I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him fifty quid he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, ‘No the steaks are too high.’
* My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in
* A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, ‘Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!’ The doctor replied, ‘I know you can’t, I’ve cut off your arms.’
* I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
* Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft. It sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
* Our ice-cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered in hundreds and thousands. Police said that he’d topped himself
* Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. the doctor says, ‘I’ll give you some cream for it.’
* ‘Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green Green Grass of Home.’
‘That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.
‘Is it common, Doc?’
‘It’s not unusual.’

Well they are daft but I like daft occasionally.