The Ballad of David Cameron, Brexit and Green Swill

The Ballad of David Cameron, Brexit and Green Swill

My name is David Cameron

I’m a jolly Bullingdon boy.

I’ve come from a world of privilege

Where your lives are just a toy.

I’d do anything to gain power

To keep the ERG on side.

So I promised them a referendum

To let the country decide.

I arrogantly assumed

The government would be hung

Just as the polls predicted

But the momentum had swung.

I never thought we’d win.

I thought we’d be in coalition.

Then I could blame the lib-dems

For changing my position.

Blow me down – it all went wrong!

Somehow we pulled it off.

That slim majority

Made the going rough.

So I gave them their referendum.

I never thought we’d lose.

But decades of toxic lies

Had poisoned the public’s views.

We’d given them years of austerity

With ‘We’re all in it together’.

I simply had not thought through my case

To surmount this stormy weather.

The ERG were ready.

They’d been planning this for years!

They had duplicitous Johnson

To honey the public’s ears.

With loads of lies and scare stories

They mounted their campaign.

While the Cameron team floundered

With no arguments to sustain.

Everything we brought up

Was labelled ‘Project Fear’.

The Tabloids beefed up Boris’s lies

The xenophobic message clear.

With the Machiavellian Cummings

To dream up silly slogans

Like ‘Take back control’

It conjured up the omens.

The vote went against us

Leading to years of chaos.

Seeing what was coming

Osborne and I jumped bus.

The moderates were ousted.

The country hopelessly divided.

Extremists pressing for hard Brexit

As ideologies collided.

Osborne and I headed off

Into the pastures green.

Leaving the mess behind us

And all that might have been.

Now we’re both making millions

From endless dodgy deals.

To use our former positions

To get our snouts in swill.

‘We’re all in it together’

Means cuts and food banks.

We’ve left you that clown Johnson

While we’re filling up our tanks.

I nearly made £45 million

From the Greensill deal.

I certainly don’t have to worry

Where I’m getting my next meal.

I’ve got the government on speed-dial

So I can sell the inside story.

Osborne tells them how to avoid tax.

It’s wonderful being a Tory!!

My name is David Cameron.

I messed up the whole nation!

But I’ve come up smelling of roses.

I’m the overnight sensation!

Opher – 19.4.2021