The Corona Diaries – Day 143

‘I say Dominic, our figures are looking jolly good at last!’

‘That’s because we aren’t releasing them.’

‘Cripes, why’s that Dom? It’s a jolly bad show not to tell people.’

‘If you tell the people the truth they won’t like it.’

‘Jumping criminy, won’t some of those media tykes leak it anyway?’

‘Leave it to me.’ Sigh.

‘Do you want me to say something about it Dom? You know, tell them that it’s the boffins that have made a mess of it. We’re trying to sort it out. That sort of thing?’

Weary shake of head. ‘You keep out of sight. Don’t say anything that’s not on your script and certainly don’t mention the virus or exam results. Got it?’

‘Right-o. I was talking to old Trumpy last night though. He says it’s great fun putting things out there. He was telling me that the world is really flat. He knows because he’s been up in that plane of his. He says I should have been taking the malarial drug and chlorinating my chicken! He wants me to sign this piece of paper selling him the NHS.’

‘DON’T  YOU DARE SIGN THAT!!!’

Bewildered.

‘Gosh Dominic, I thought that’s what we were planning to do?’

‘Not until we’ve sorted out the whole deal.’

‘But Trumpy said it was a good deal.  We sorted the GM and chicken. I thought we’d agreed to do away with the environmental clauses and workers’ rights guff. What’s holding it up? I was jolly looking forward to telling everyone about our world-breaking deal. Bang-o. That’d pump up my ratings – like a dose of steroids!’

‘Focus on the virus. Leave the deals to me.’

‘Shite hawks Dominic. Are these our real figures. Cripes they are going up. The people won’t like that.’

‘That’s why we’re not putting them out – at least not until we’ve had time to adjust them.’

‘Did we have to put such a short bally deadline on shutting down the holidays Dom? It is really causing mayhem.’

‘I keep telling you – points up in the polling, an eighty seat majority, and four years to go. We’ll start worrying about things when we’re near the end and if the polls change.’

‘Tempus Fugit Old boy. Not good to ruffle too many feathers.’

‘I think you need a rest.’

‘Jolly good idea Dom. A glass or two of red and a nap. Not much to this governing business, what?’

And so it is that on day 143, like all totalitarian regimes, the figures were not forthcoming (for technical reasons) and when they do appear they will have been adjusted to make them right (much lower).

But everything is OK. We might be the worst in Europe for deaths and the worst in the G7 for the effect on the economy but the people still largely believe that the Tories are doing a good job. I wonder what planet they are on??? We have the most extreme bunch of inept fools and yet the people think they are OK. Is it time I emigrated to New Zealand?

The USA has another 55,057 cases and 1234 deaths and still 43% of the population think Trump is doing a good job.

Brazil has 50644 new cases and another 1060 deaths and Bolsonaro’s rating has actually gone up! 37% of the population think he is doing a good job!!

I’m losing all faith in democracy and people. Half the population have an IQ below 100 and it shows. They’ll believe anything. Is there any hope for the world. Turkey voting to bring Christmas forward and have two or three Christmases a year!

So today I went for a walk up my hill, played my Albert King and tried not to think about the insane, narcissistic psychopaths running this world and the ignorant people who vote for them.

Stay safe!! I’ll feel better tomorrow!!