It is strange the way a twenty year old mind works. It is firing on pure amphetamine driven speed. It wants everything no – instant gratification. At least I recognised that.
So what is this journey we are on? Where are we heading? Is there a purpose?
31.
At first he had marvelled at his own discoveries. The answers his meditation had revealed filled him with great satisfaction. The world had new purpose. He felt that his mind had expanded into a larger consciousness. He understood himself and the world a lot better and that made him feel good.
Messny did not find any doors. There were no easy solutions that might had led to complete release from the jaws of this illusion he lived in.
It took Messny a long time for him to realise his true motives – he lusted after magic powers, strength and immortality. It was very disappointing. Others had achieved the heights and he wanted to emulate them – only faster and better. He yearned to be wise and respected. So much of a disaster. Sadly it was his ego that drove him on. It told him that he was better than all the rest; he could easily achieve what so many had failed to do.
Overnight things were different. Messny discovered that he really did not enjoy the lonely, patient striving and selfless endeavour. He wanted success and achievement. He had been doing it for all the wrong reasons and could never achieve the results he craved for.
Now was not the time to try. It would take peace and patience to be so one-pointed and have the strength to overcome all distractions. For now there were too many urgent goals, too much testosterone, too many needs filling his head. Before he was ready for that journey he had to first burn his ego away, for not even his innocence was sufficient to counter the disturbance of his ego. It was grotesque.
Besides, there was forever. There was no rush. In old age, when the body’s fires no longer roared there could be slower fuels to burn. The glow of those fires might be less spectacular but would still give out the warmth and light the darkness.
It was decided: when the ego and body had worn themselves away he could return without distraction and with no other goals. He would seek the correct key to fit the lock.
If he ever found it, the door would open and the journey would be complete.